gemini://mybtm.smol.pub/run-2023-06-07

today marks the first time i completed a 5k run without stopping. not just that, but even in suboptimal conditions, i managed to get a time below my target of 30 minutes. the sun had been blasting the soil for a couple weeks. we were only a couple degrees away from what i'd call proper summer weather. two days ago, it started raining and it hasn't quite stopped. there's a couple of hours of rain, broken by a couple hours of sunlight, rinse and repeat. so what we're left with at the moment is a very humid heat which is, arguably, the worst kind of heat. i was sweating during my warmup at home and i was already thinking that i'd be happy hitting my 3k target at the very least.

i talked to my friend who i ran with last week. they said that there's a "sweet spot" where your legs will carry you no matter what. running then becomes all about controlling your breathing, pacing yourself and overcoming that nagging part of your brain that says that you need a break. and that's exactly what i did today. though i was sweating to the point where you couldn't tell my scent apart from that of a musk ox, i pulled through. my head preferred that i would've stopped maybe 10 times during my run but i kept my composure and persevered. i completed my 5k route and i felt absolutely amazing. my pace was a bit slower than usual but it goes to show that even if i'm running a bit more conservatively, i am still able to hit my target time.

this is a massive boost to my confidence that couldn't have come at a better time. my mind has been a bit all over the place for a multitude of reasons. i've been pretty busy trying to keep tabs on many things at once, at work and at home. because of that i had to break with a lot of my routines that i've been getting used to, and that requires utmost mental fortitude; to give up on what i'm comfortable with for once to make time for a different thing. i've been slacking on keeping my apartment clean, though it's by no means in a state of disarray. i've been having trouble organising meals for myself, though i'm by no means underfed or hungry. i've been forgetting which day of the week it is, though i'm by no means neglecting appointments that are truly important to me. usually running on autopilot means being able to pull through with what needs to be done no matter the circumstances to me, but this time feels different. i'm in unfamiliar territory and still managing to scrape by. suffice to say i'm happy when a lot of my current stressors are being lifted off my shoulders so i can fall back on my routines that i worked so hard to establish. it won't be long i feel. today has been a testament to surpassing my own expectations even when i feel that i really shouldn't be able to.

5k in 29:30 (wohoo!)