a comedy

0x0000: >> BEGIN HEADER.................................................
0x0040: DATETIME: 24-04-20XXT19:04......................................
0x0080: SUBJECT: NOTICE OF CONTRACT TERMINATION.........................
0x00c0: TX: UNKNOWN.....................................................
0x0100: RX: WAITINGFORTHE.DAY...........................................
0x0140: PRIORITY: HIGH..................................................
0x0180: << END HEADER...................................................
0x01c0: >> BEGIN MESSAGE................................................
0x0200: I WISH IT DIDN'T HAVE TO COME TO THIS. I REALLY DO LIKE YOU KID,
0x0240:  AND I WANTED TO KEEP YOU AROUND, BUT THE HIGHER UPS ONLY WANT R
0x0280: ESULTS AND... WELL, YOU DIDN'T DELIVER. I PULLED ALL THE STRINGS
0x02c0:  I COULD BUT THERE'S NOTHING ELSE I CAN DO NOW. I WISH YOU ALL T
0x0300: HE BEST FOR THE FUTURE..........................................
0x0340: << END MESSAGE..................................................

there is a certain irony in my whole situation, isn't there? i'm comfortable, i'm lucky, so why do i hate my life so much? i hate that i continue to want more than i have, i should just be happy that i get to lead the life that i do. not many have the opportunity that i've got, hell many would count themselves lucky to be in my position.

i think about this often, as i float on in solitude. i've been trying and failing for weeks now to dissect what contributes to making me feel the way i do about my life. i just want to be able to identify the problem and come up with steps to resolve it, but life just isn't that easy. nothing ever is that easy.

i want to talk to people about this, but to do so feels like bragging while playing the victim. people all around me have it so much worse off, and yet i still want to complain. why can't i just be happy with what i have?

and so i'm left to sit here, alone. stewing in my own thoughts. i hate it in my head, my thoughts are so mean to me. they'll tell me of all the ways i'm a failure, or that i'm not good enough, or that nobody could love someone as damaged as me, or that i need to stop feeling so sorry for myself and be a productive member of society.

that's why they sent me up here, isn't it? because i'm not good enough to be with everyone else.

maybe that's okay.

maybe i should just accept my fate.

maybe i should just curl up and waste my days away until the time comes where the earth is able to reclaim my body.

maybe then i could be useful.

maybe then people would want me back.

maybe.

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