Hello there. Its been awhile since posting anything here. Lets remedy that, shall we?

[This post is a Stream Of Conciousness, do not expect logical cohesion, do expect literary whiplash]

I sit on the foot of my bed typing this fully sleep deprived. Its 6 AM. I just got done reading the SCP foundations

"The History of the SCP Foundation's Community"

An interesting set of essays about one of my favorite collaborative fiction projects from its earliest conceptions as a loose set of 4chan threads to a proper wiki akin to what it is today. Also some juicy drama in there if you have a taste for the flavor of petty human interactions.

Oh and also noticed skylar's capsule was down, she has an excellent scp article - to - gemtext converter service hosted on her capsule which I like using every now and then. Gemtext in Lagrange remains my favorite way to read. Sent her a message, hopefully it will be back up shortly. Check em out here:

Skylar's Capsule

I need coffee. Or sleep. Maybe both?

Anyways, Reading the scp history stuff got me thinking about creative writing in general, and inspired me to write this in a round about way.

I would love to write an scp article but havve a serious issue. I have never written a proper fictional story and would be a complete novice on equal footing to an actual child. No, a kid with some experience would blow me out of the water.

I am afraid of being cringe or making cringe or expressing cringe. Like actual genuine fear thats followed me from early teenage hood onwards. Anything emotionally charged, akwardly written/spoken, poorly thought out.

Perhaps its time to grow up and adknowledge that to be human is to sometimes be cringe, and that myself as an emotionless robotic husk of a person is just as toxic as an emotionally charged thoughtless monkey. Ironically I would love to write a good story one day, but you don't start out as a perfect author the same way you don't start out as a perfect builder. It all starts as garbage that you refine over time with blood sweat tears and embaressment. Is it too late to start for me?

A secret to being content with yourself and your life situation is to enjoy the small things in this very moment and not beat yourself with the infinite multitude of things in the past you can't change. The best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago, the second best time is now. Don't beat yourself up for every day you didn't. In the mean time, enjoy some coffee and bask in the morning sun. What is happiness if not appreciating the small pleasures of life, and that you're alive in the first place to enjoy them. Nothing last forever, not even you, so enjoy it while you can. Else loath life for everything that didn't go right.

Gemini browsing has kind of reached a burn out phase for me. Im not a developer, or a tinkerer, and my life isn't going well. I don't want to read about programming, or devices, or software development. The types of articles and post that aren't those things are far too few.

Fortunately I still appreciate the many services that are provided, chilly and newswaffle are still daily things I use (Thanks Acidus!) And I like that I have a little place to outlet my creative writing endevors publically that doesn't involve learning html+css.

I have been contributing to an open source game called Mineclone2 these past 2 months. Bug fixes, making a content mod, making textures for blocks and things. It makes me feel good to be a part of something, even if its just a little block game. Programming in lua is outside my abilities really, but I can make out bits and pieces every now and then If I squint at the code long enough. Must be how language people feel when learning a new language. The heart of programming is logic. What is the heart of language?

Mineclone2 homepage

Wonder if I should make a capsule page for mcl2?

Its now close to 7 and I still want that coffee. And my laptop battery is almost dead. Now is a good time to wrap this up and chug some wake up juice. Thank you for reading if indeed you still are. Ill see ya later.