About Me

I'm xaphania, a 35 year old nonbinary trans woman, and this is my home on the smol internet. If you want to know more about me read on

Names

Names are an odd thing, I've never really found one that suits me entirely. As I said above, I am xaphania, this is both my middle name and my online handle. My first name is Nicki, this is what most people in day to day life (work, family, etc) call me, and I'm happy to go by it. I generally don't share my last name online as it's rather unique.

In addition to these names, I also use a number of other pseudonyms depending on my mood and situation. These include K.T., April, Alice, Tina and Juice. I also use Voidfish or The Voidfish as an online gaming name.

I enjoy playing around with names, and sometimes just pick names at random in certain situations. Or I will see a name I like, and decide "that's mine now", even if I don't really ever use it. I am the name-dragon, I hoard names :)

Gender & Pronouns

My gender is fluid, and after over three decades on earth I still haven't quite figured it out. I certainly exist outside the gender binary, so nonbinary fits, but I also identify as a woman because our society mostly compels us to find some place within that binary, and my experience in terms of transition is fairly well aligned with that of many trans women/transfeminine people. But the extent to which I feel any label shifts frequently, sometimes being different one day to the next. Other labels that are within my orbit are agender, genderqueer, cryptofem, xenogender and femboy. Many of these identities may seem contradictory, and perhaps they are, and that's OK.

As with my gender, my preference for pronouns shift a lot too, and can vary depending on a number of factors including my current gender identity and presentation, who is addressing me and the situation and setting I am in. I sometimes tell people to use whatever pronouns make them most uncomfortable, and this is only partially a joke. In general, I am fine with any of the following

it/its

she/her

they/them

More information on pronouns (HTTP)

Mental Health & Neurodivergence

I have long term mental health conditions that I may discuss here. I will try to use content warnings on any relevant posts/pages. I have complex post traumatic stress disorder, I have long term, high functioning treatment resistant depression, and suffer from generalised anxiety and social anxiety disorders.

I strongly suspect that I am autistic, but I don't yet have a formal diagnosis and am undecided on whether to seek one. I am definitely neurodivergent of some variety, and this affects the way I experience and interact with the world and other people.

I may also be a median plural system. I'm still exploring this and don't yet have too much information or understanding of this aspect of my (our?) self.