Re: Professional Goals

by Rob

s'pose i want to comment on it, because i'm stuck in that development process as well. i've been stuck in it for about 8 years, and i have made considerable progress myself, but hardly have a one-size-fits-all solution. at least not compared to the dozens life coaches and book authors who managed to solve it for themselves and now think that "if they just do what i do, they all can be like me <3" and become an extroverted know-it-all.

> I think about and struggle with these question a lot, largely because I don't know what I want to do professionally. There doesn't seem to be any one topic or pursuit that so inspires me as to want to engage in it permanently.

Rob is asking themself the same question and comes to a similar conclusion that i do. what the frack do i want to do with my life? what is it that's fulfilling and gives me meaning? and at one point i even had the same perspectiveon it, i was looking for an external "sign" (let's call it a sign, as in a spiritual guidance thingy), one that never really came.

chances are, this has different roots. somewhere in the past. unless you dig deep you won't be able to find out, but it doesn't matter. during the time i was asking myself where to find that sign, i was in therapy for something else, but i brought up the topic and we talked about it for a while. the core essence of it all seemed to be, meanining is something you generate yourself, and there won't be a sign, because you need to create it. my therapist urged me to take a leap of faith. into anything. back then i was sorta starting to paint miniatures. my way to stop playing computer games and waste my time on tv shows, as none of these seemed to make me happier. and painful as it was for me to go against anxiety, i went to a tabletop store and picked up a skirmisher i had never heard of before, but locally it has a community of 60 people. suffice to say, i am still painting those miniatures and i am still playing that game. not because there weren't many other games that interested me or that i was hyped about. i stuck with that one game because i really wanted to see what will happen if i don't give up.

time and time again you hear people (successful people, famous people, medical practicioners, religious people) say that nothing comes easy or for free in life. when i stuck with one single tabletop for a year, and another year, for the first time in life i started to get what they meant by that. and that allowed me to move forward with the question. still got no clue about the right answer, but at least i stopped looking outwards.

there is this awesome quote in buddhism:

> the way is not in the sky

> the way is in the heart

i suppose it's the right moment to move forward

> I want to do something in the world that matters, and in some way, I wish it could be traceable back to me

don't we all want that. however. two things to consider.

first; something that matters is a subjective thing that others perceive as "to matter". others can be a person, a group or a whole culture/society (whereas the latter is more of an average across). most things that matter to a person or a smaller group is pretty individual, it can be almost anything thinkable, therefore the jobs that provide these are usually down-to-earth service jobs. from medical care over to pizza delivery. what matters to a culture/society is a largely different matter. i live in central europe. the jobs that provide a general improvement for all citizens are regarded as "lower" and you won't get any gratitude for them (teachers, medical staff, caring for children or the elderly, cleaning duties, maintenance,...). instead the jobs that are regarded as something that matters, somehow they are all related to things other humans fucked up. environmental protection for instance, just look at sea shepperd and their campaigns. all of them would be moot if humans just stopped fucking with the oceans. but all of those jobs are really hard work and none give you fame in the way how the invention of a new rocket engine gives you.

second; all things traceable to a person make the person famous. from the top of my head, i cannot think of a single person who became famous, stayed famous and didn't have to deal with the dark side of fame. i exclude artists from that assessment.

so where does that leave us/me/you/everyone?

my suggestion to lead life is to approach it from the inside out. from myself outwards. first i look at myself, and i do things for me, without any expectations towards anything outside of me. then i look at my family and my local community. and only then i reach further than that, towards a provincial, national and international scale.

i think of it as an ant colony. the chance that an ant will be able to improve ant-life on a global scale, and become famous for that is very slim. even in the ant colony an improvement traceable to the ant will be a tough nut, but i am sure the ant isn't unhappy with its life, it keeps going and it does something meaningful for itself which by accident also improves overall life for the colony.

right now i am reasonably far away from that in my professional life, doing devops in a company in the health sector. it's a definite improvement to developing software for advertisements on amazon. it's not where i want to be though. i think i'll find more meaning in something more local. working in local administration, taking care of children, teaching, even if those jobs are tough.

software engineering and everything around large scale enterprises just doesn't seem to scratch my itch. it's always a struggle, you jump from one problem/technology to the next, arguably it solves nothing, and you cannot see your own impact at all. but don't take my word for that, i got burned once too many times.

i hope that i could maybe offer a new perspective, new food for thought on finding your way. i hope you do. filling your life with meaning is a good thing to do. it'll improve everything along the way <3