re: the parable of the playground

This

Having read through it in the morning and now, 14 hours later, I decided to reply after all.

A lot of things are right, and when you read it, emotionally you think "yeah, that's exactly it" until you let it settle for a minute longer (or hours, in my case).

The authority issue

During childhood many parents resort to an authoritarian structure. They make up rules, the kids follow and if they don't there will be consequences. Nothing there is incentive based, positively I mean. Children fear certain consequences, so they'll follow the command structure to avoid the consequence, not because there's reason in doing something or behaving in a certain way. Making the bed especially is a ridiculous rule in addition, too.

Reflecting this on a governmental body, ruling with fear and threats doesn't give anyone an incentive to follow. Certainly there's a reason why governments put consequences in place and they create a framework in which inhabitants need to live, but comparing COVID and getting vaccinated or wearing masks to not making someone's bed is a little off. One has a big effect on others, making the bed changes nothing unless you sleep on a futon and there might be fungus creeping into the dampness of the futon unless you put it up to dry every day. 🤷

The transparency issue

Making your intentions and structures clear to everyone around you is mandatory if you live in a relationship, household, village or nation. You can't do only half of the communication but expect someone to understand all of it. Therefore the analogy to children is rather tricky. Children shouldn't care for the arbitrary issues of grown-ups.

In case of most COVID or other pandemic-related topics, most of it isn't arbitrary. Some is, in retrospective. Others isn't. A different set of things may seem arbitrary when it happens but turns out not to be and vice versa. The general idea however is to keep yourself and others safe. Anyone who thinks different, didn't pay attention in the first wave.

The changing rules

Parents make arbitrary rules that fit their current mood. I am a parent, I know. In general I tend to bite my tongue and try to avoid making arbitrary rules just because. If I tell my kid "please clean up your toys in the kitchen, so we can make dinner and it's in the way", they will either argue "can I go to the corner, I won't be in the way there", or ask for help "can you help me clean it up?" or they may simply decide "no, I don't want to".

The first two responses would be reasonable and there's no real reason not to let it happen, or to help out. The refusal however is a different story. Now I can make up an arbitrary something, "do it now or you won't get any food", yeah right, as if I'd let my kid starve. Alternatively I can create a random consequence and hope the kid will even trigger on it "or tomorrow you won't get any icecream". Which does mean, I am bound to buy icecream the day later. You get the gist.

You did state the real reason you wanted it to happen, and the refusal doesn't get you anywhere. Adults start to haggle now. And that also works with kids. It's a great option, because letting the kid play in the kitchen in the first place didn't exactly have an endtime attached. Most parents don't attach conditions. Conditions aren't a positive environment. And technically it's also about arbitrary rules again. Parents can order food, so the kitchen doesn't need to be used, or the food could be prepared later, or different food. So the reason to shove the kid out of the kitchen is an arbitrary grown-up reason.

And now we come back to COVID. Most of the things I have witnessed so far have been sensible decisions that could have been anticipated. Some decisions were bullshit. Yet they didn't get decided from here to now. Adults also can determine consequences. All of us can. Reasonably well.

My verdict on this is the same thing that I brought up for the parents earlier. If someone refuses to do something, you can't just _make them_. You need to haggle. And haggling doesn't mean creating yet another arbitrary bullshit consequence. Don't get your COVID shot? Sure, we make your life complicated as fuck if you don't!! We have the power!! This won't bring people on board, it's sow even more disconsent and distrust. Sure they may get that shot, just like a kid would to get the icecream cone. But the incentive doesn't come from understanding, it comes from a "fuck you"-attitude that'll just return the next time. Again and again.

I come to a similar conclusion as the original author, sure, but I guess I expect people to be open to haggle, otherwise nothing happens and we're stuck. Kids in general don't want to fight. They seek compromise. This gets lost when you grow up, because education and culture I suppose. I am no researcher. I really don't know. I wish it was different.