winter

i'm going to write something - anything at all - because there's nothing else to do.

i hate this world. i know it's just the season making me bitter, but it's how i feel. i never "made it" as an academic or a scientist of any kind, i'm bad at problem-solving, i can't grasp social queues, i'm tired from work, both at work and at home.

speaking is difficult. making a sound come out of my mouth is like climbing a mountain, and making that sound loud enough for someone to hear is like hiking 10 miles.

everything is an insult. my friends can't stand me, my possessions make fun of me, my dreams mock me, and it's all my fault.

everything is so loud. so loud. why does the world need to be so loud?

honestly i'm finished. i have nothing. it will all be over soon.

i would like to overdose. i don't mean to sound super edgy; it just feels like the right way to go. i always wanted to try heroin anyway, so at least i'll be able to check that off my bucket list.

i hope i'm brave enough to go through with this. i really do.

i hope you have a fantastic life. it will all be over soon.

december 8, 2021