on jealousy

i'm jealous. i'm a jealous person. it's one of my worse qualities and it's one of the things i'm trying my best to address.

i'm proud of people. i love to see people succeed, but i always have to fight the feeling that "i'm not good enough because everyone in this world is cuter, smarter, and more talented than i am"

it feels like everyone is half my age and twice as good at what i do. they're awesome, and i totally encourage everyone to learn & improve to be the best they can be, but it still feelsbadman.

i feel like i probably won't be able to stop being jealous of everyone until i finally succeed in something, which is most likely never going to happen, so i have to find some other way to find peace. there have been a few pockets in my life where that "peace" i was looking for was easier to find. i just need to re-trace my steps and see where i left it...

march 13, 2021