i'd much rather prefer being alone

i don't like people.

i have a fear of community. i don't like groups of people with a shared interest. i feel like just being interested in something isn't enough. i feel like i have to be *good* at those things as well, and i just feel inadequate compared to the other, cooler, people there.

i'm also jealous. i'm a jealous person, and everyone everywhere is so cool and cute and smart and it's hard for some reason. it's something i'm working on, but until then i have to live with it.

i'm in my 20's and living with my parents. that's an awful feeling. sometimes people come and visit. i don't visit them, though. the other people in my family will, but i'd much rather not. i don't know why. i may have some sort of anti-social thing going on. i really wish i could just be good at things.

i'm gross, too. i think that's it. i look weird. my face is weird. my shoulders are too wide. i'm too skinny.

i should address the issue of social discomfort. that may help me find peace.

march 02, 2021