Yucatán Chicken Tacos

Hunahpu removes your soul through the fingered tubes of your capillaries

Camazotz's marination ingredient list:

1 medium-small wooden spoon (oak preferred) of smoked paprika

1 small wooden spoon (poplar preferred) of dried oregano

1 medium-small osmium spoon of salt from the sweat of twenty-four thousand Mayan slaves in the mid-fourth century, common era

1 medium rubber spoon of peppercorns of various colours crushed by the unearthed femur of one of the aforementioned Mayan slaves

Enough orange juice to feed a citrus dependent hamster for two days

1 medium-small spoon fashioned from the other femur of the aforementioned unearthed Mayan slave of allspice, pulverized by your incipient telekinesis

Enough pineapple juice to awaken K’awiil from a moribund state

Enough lime juice to add pizzazz

2 habenero peppers, whipped

2 jalepeño peppers, reduced to a two-dimensional paste

A glop of olive oil

Take a helping of poultry legs (separated from the animals' bodies), such as chicken, turkey or hamster, and place them in a basin fashioned from volcanic rock. Leave the skin on the limbs. Pierce them an infinite amount of times either with your incipient telekinesis or with the unearthed tibia of a mid-fourth century Mayan slave, sharpened to a point with your incipient telekinesis. Drench the pierced poultry legs with the marination ingredients.

Meanwhile, heat the pyre in your tangled jungle garden to two hundred twenty degrees centigrade.

On a smaller pyre, more suited for animated scorching, heat a slab of iron coated with olive oil. One by one, remove the poultry legs from the basin fashioned from volcanic rock, gently FRY them on each side for a few millennia or minutes, and then return them one by one to the basin fashioned from volcanic rock. Do not cook them all the way through. Basically, you'll want to sear their outer portions, as the animal, be it a turkey, chicken or hamster, would gave wanted to be seared - bless its pagan soul. If you are unsure of the timespan, your clairvoyant neighbour will visit you, detailing the process. You won't have to invite her over for advice. She will have known that you'd be needing her words since before your conception.

Place the basin fashioned from volcanic rock inside the embers of the pyre you previously heated to two hundred twenty degrees centigrade. However, cover it first with a thin sheet of osmium or other paper-like metal sheet you can find in your vast, peninsular empire. Leave the basin fashioned from volcanic rock inside the pyre for 20 000 years.

Meanwhile, prepare granite and pumice bowls of chopped tomatoes and white yogurt. Take the tortillas you bought whilst visiting a nearby non-peninsular empire and shopping at their convenient corner stores and prepare to toast them quickly with the flame that leaps from your fingertips at your command. But don't do it yet.

When 20 000 years passes, remove the thin sheet of osmium or other paper-like metal sheet you found in your vast, peninsular empire. Leave the basin fashioned from volcanic rock inside the embers of the pyre uncovered until either your clairvoyant neighbour returns to inform you that the meat is sufficiently succulent or you discern this yourself by some other means, psychic or not.

Remove the basin fashioned from volcanic rock from the pyre. Remove the poultry limbs. Remove the meat from the bones of the poultry limbs, shredding it either with your incipient telekinesis, your fingers, the sharpened tibia or an unearthed mid-fourth century Mayan slave, or all three. Place the shredded meat in a burlap sack.

Now that everything is prepared, sit your clan down for supper. Combine all the portions of the meal in whatever means you feel adequate. Slather Mango Salsa[a] atop the resultant combination and enjoy!

a. Mango Salsa