gemini://thurk.org/blog/90.gmi

My father's reflex reaction to me declaring that I have some sort of semi-spontaneous plan is *Emotional Blackmail*. He exhibits this tendency almost daily in differing quantities. Today, I am absolutely sure that he didn't even have time to consider before his response was uttered.

It is their anniversary. Less than an hour before my announcement that I would have dinner with Sandy, my mother had stated that they would celebrate their 43rd in Ruidoso this weekend. We are all going to Ruidoso together. But, once I received the message from Sandy and opened the door to the garage where my parents were smoking to inform them of my evening plans, my father's immediate response was something along the lines of *"But we are going to do something tonight for our anniversery."* Now, of course there had been no plans I was aware of, and my mother had stated that their 'celebration' would be in Ruidoso this weekend, anyway. Why does he do this? Why does anyone? My first thought is that it is a gut reaction to his perception of a loss of control of a situation (though there wasn't really a situation; it was concocted spontaneously in his mind).

The Emotional Blackmail[1] page on Wikipedia lists four types of emotional blackmailers. My father pretty much falls in the first of these. They are:

A punisher will, regardless of the situation, attempt to take control of the situation by emotionally manipulating its participants. Loss of control is their greatest fear. I've found that resisting this sort of blackmail is to not take the person seriously and even just laugh at their attempts at manipulation. Of course, this becomes more and more difficult proportionally to the size of the group involved, as one individual resisting becomes a weaker and weaker voice. Another defence (and a defence to any of the types of listed emotional blackmail) is apathy. Well, that is a defence to pretty much anything, correct? :)

I have been guilty of being the third type of emotional blackmailer many times in the past. Realizing this fault of mine again and again, however, I have done much to purge this 'feature' of my personality. Bastard upbringing. However, I am certainly not the only guilty party. Pretty much every girlfriend (and wife) I've had in the past have employed this method to some degree. And at times frequently and in a manner which was wholly *unfair* (yes, unfair in my perception, which is the one that counts in this case).

Soon I shall enter a vehicle and use it to transport myself to Andrews whereupon I'll have dinner with Sandy. On the way, I shall listen to Guapo. Everyone loves Guapo.

If I'm Suffering, Then Everybody Must Suffer

Topics: psychology

2010-12-28