Glimpses of a pseudo-childhood

Topics: alfred, nostalgia, high school

2014-01-29

Today's special question is what exactly are on these cassettes?

Alfred Tapes [IMG]

I've gone through three quarters of a cassette. It's the one on the bottom right there. Interminable noise making experiments make up the bulk, but I've salvaged a few choice cuts. In six months, these will disappear from the server. Someone remind me to create a cron job to do so and a Google Calendar alert to force me to update this entry.

Sex with pregnant yaks[1]

I'm not entirely sure who this is. During most of my beloved high school days, I recorded phone conversations. Only a portion of that time consisted of recording unbeknownst to the other participant. After a bit of thought, I suspect it is Richard Bays. He was no longer living in Fort Stockton, as I date this to 1987, most likely, being that it is immediately before the following snippet on said cassette.

The infamous Richard Bays telephone snippet was used on the official *KRAP 93* tape and is, to this day, rather offensive. I'd like to re-listen, but the tape is in a box in Michal's garage in faraway Praha. Here[2], in fact, if anyone would like to retrieve it before I arrive in April.

Bill Holstein and David Williams - What do you want for Xmas?[3]

The *Sir Alfred IV Christmas Special* was, as they say, a mixed bag. Various skits (or *breaks*, as we called them - a term I appropriated from *KWES* djs John Clay and Jim Scott) featured Bill, David and me whilst others included Ira - the original *Sir Alfred IV* mastermind. I'm pretty sure I'll dig up some stuff with him as I continue this *journey*.

Like many of the *breaks* on the Xmas Special, the end would plummet into *Mysteries and Mayhem* by Kansas. It was otherwise known as *The Killing Song*. For the slow of wit, that means it played when the *break* called for the death of a participant.

Sir Alfred performs brain surgery[4]

Well, there you have it: *Ira*. I'm not sure what this was used for, if anything. I do recall the ending was to be a flushing toilet. For the uninitiated, the music switched off and on again and again in the backdrop is *Anesthesia* by Metallica.

Sir Alfred and the Narrator jam[5]

Feel free to switch this one off whenever it gets irritating. Again, I'm not sure the exact purpose of it, but it amused me sufficiently enough to *rip*.

Miller Robison - Third eye in the middle of your chest[6]

*The Search for Sir Alfred IV* began here. Most of the remainder - actually, all of the remainder is better left on a reprehensive heap. That pile of sodden creativity is there for us all to learn from. It's sordid putrescence wafts remindful of failed experiments and the need to bury them forever.

I cannot remember the purpose of the series of *breaks*. Again, all of the memories are lost. I can picture Miller and I in my room in Fort Stockton kneeling in front of that iconic boom box. Everything else is rather sketchy.

What are you doing in my house?[7]

What the hell is David Williams doing these days, anyway? Someone should dig him up and ask him if he can wail the way he used to. We used to drive around the windy back alleys (read - country roads) of that bleak town with windows down and obscure music blaring.

Once we arrived by probably no plan of our own at some chick's ranch house. Was it Eva? Was it Missy? Was it Julie? Was it Brandi? My mind cannot dredge up the answer. David decided to let out a piercing scream as we drove away. Some time later, after wheeling about the rural routes, we returned. We faced an angry adult with a shotgun. I clearly recall him glaring at me asking...

*Is there a little girl with you?*

(Ok, maybe I added the *little* part there.)

Weird times, honeybunch.

Glaspheomus Barkestle - The fucking weather[8]

Glassy was the weatherman at *KRAP 93* in Siberia, Russia. As I mentioned, the centerpiece of that particular idea is in a box in Praha. Well, unless someone has fetched it in the meantime. Knowing much more about Siberia, Russia and the world in general now, I'll most likely cringe at parts of the tape when I eventually do listen again.

This *break* was not part of said centerpiece. I'm not sure what it was for. It amused me to hear it again, however.

The Force[9]

I believe this is the original idea / version / whatever of *The Force*. Expanded versions were featured on other cassettes. I hope to get my paws on them at one point for everyone involved's enlightenment / embarrassment.

The first *Sir Alfred* tape was lost soon after completion. Perhaps this was a part of it. The lesson learned was to make a copy of everything. No exceptions. I guess this idea carries over well in the digital age. Har. Har.

Jim Miles lost that tape. Damn him.