gemini://thurk.org/blog/185.gmi

Kairi is at the table to my left. The wooden *dinner* table of this guest house in *Viidu*. She re-entered the room perhaps forty minutes ago and we have not spoken a single word to each other in that time.

Nothing is particularly wrong, however. I categorize us as *friends* at this point and if friends wish to be silent and self-absorbed, they should be allowed to be. One great problem I faced in the past with relationships is not being able to give the other person space to do their own things - to be self-absorbed. Or just to fucking read a book in peace.

This bit back when I felt crowded later in relationships by the same actions I performed during the initial parts.

Yesterday was most likely our best day. The morning started with laughs and pointed jokes concerning cannibalism (spawned by *Christopher Bender*, actually). Kairi liked how improvisation worked into the life with my friends - the ability to react and play off one another in the tumult of absurdities. She's been practicing a bit, herself.

We sat on a porch of an ostensibly abandoned house in *Kaali* (I believe that is the name and I refuse to look it up at this moment) in dilapidated wicker chairs and ate our *lunch*. I told her about the things which sparked my depression the night before - detailed in the previous entry. She seemed intrigued. She claimed she'd never thought in that manner before. We considered relationships, but not too deeply. I let the conversation sink soon. I know my weaknesses. I do not want to fall foul of them any longer.

In the evening, we watched *The Fellowship of the Ring* on this very shittypie. I wondered idly during the day today whether she felt my eyes on her as she tautly focused on the film. Such superstitions are silly.

Now we have our silence. Tomorrow morning, I drive her to *Kuressaare* to the bus station. She'll be off to Tartu and her life there. I'm not sure when we'll next meet.

A silent sipping

Topics: relationships, saaremaa

2012-10-08