all gas, no brakes

felt bad i went a few weeks without updating this here gemlog, so here i am.

i keep doing this thing where i'll get really obsessed with a new project and then my brain will shut down the hyperfocus beam and move it onto the next thing. it's immensely frustrating. i'd love to be able to stick to one thing and focus on it a normal amount. maybe i have adhd. my doctor is useless so i won't bother looking into that any further. let's just assume i have adhd and go from there. my mind is going a mile a minute right now—but it's usually going 5. a slow day, i'm only multitasking on 2 things at once. i'm writing this stream-of-consciousness style (could you tell?) while watching a baseball game on mute. i'm also listening to a liquid dnb mix so i guess make it 3 things at once. i should figure out what the titular liquid is and if it's safe to drink. god, i haven't had a drink in almost a year now. sobriety is a gift but it's not something i'd ask for on my birthday. i think i used alcohol to slow my brain down a bit. now there's no buffer. all gas, no brakes. maybe it's not so bad i rotate through interests the way most people rotate through outfits. i have a standard outfit—flannel shirt, black jeans, checkerboard vans. the flannel changes every day or so but the rest is static. makes it easy to get ready in the morning. i have a comparably much wider array of hobbies and skills that i wouldn't have if i specialized on just a few things. and i usually come back to them after drifting away. i just got done with a brief obsession for scanning for local ham radio broadcasts and a return to a decades-long obsession with surf rock. a nice week there. i'm now getting back into film photography and browsing the geminispace. a week, two weeks of that maybe. then onto the next thing. but i will return. endless strange loops, that's all my life is. oh, that reminds me, i should re-read GEB...

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