2024-04-27

omg i can delete scrobbles now, yayy

i love when things other ppl tell me about are relevant recreationally. obviously i knew of twitter gif and vid downloaders but i rarely used them. a few weeks ago someone introduced a server to cobalt.tools (download main content of a lot of different sites) and i didnt rly have a use for it yet, i shared it with other people and they said it was cool but never came up. ive now used it to download a cover on a voice tweet of did you see the words.

was also trying to figure out what artist made the pfp for a user, and it happened to be this 9k follower artist a friend mentioned when i talked about ms paint artists and their usage of ms pgothic. i cannot name a single one of those artists or how i found them, i just remember seeing a lot use ms pgothic when i used to use twitter for art. somewhat adjacent were the depressed anime girl neet mspaint artists. that scene feels like its been dead for at least a year.

i went to a bonfire for radio ppl and talked about a lot of things i care about w ppl :D. also it was my first opportunity to refuse drinks, very cool. ive been thinking i am really boring recently. but a business econ/film studies undergrad whos taking only math classes now cuz he wants a math phd said i was like the coolest person he knew just on our first convos abt music, math, and me owning so many university emails.

2024-04-25

i wish to pet her head more.

2024-04-23

i have too many responsibilities and i cant do anything about it. just pray that it gets easier or that i can somehow willpower myself into constant productivity

honestly everything in my life is going quite poorly rn

2024-04-22

i feel quite nauseous. i did poorly on a quiz (1/3 points) despite studying for hours due to reading skill issue and forgetting a multiplier. emails are being sent about moving out of campus housing, which induces so much anxiety because i want a lease by june. i look at different houses and they want me to make much more than the rent of course, but like my only income is financial aid which i hear many places dont accept as proof of income, i dont really want my parents to cosign because theyd also not make enough, all the houses have like a hundred contacts already. i wanna dieeeeeeeeeeee

2024-04-21

somewhat productive today but badly

shoutout to this year showing me some of my worst aspects especially things i didnt know i had

2024-04-20

i had brunch with 2 quizbowl people then went to 3 record stores w them. and she kept being somewhat relevant. one is in the same real analysis cohort and hangs out w her sometimes in classes he's not taking but she is. i talked about how some things have me with an artifacted first name, and then he mentioned how a prof knew the students names and faces, so he would roll call them, and if they didnt respond he would look very pointedly at them. so friend talked about how the prof kept calling him by a middle name in an old class while he wasnt responding since thats not what people actually call him, and when he attended w her the prof kept saying the same artifact, and her not responding cuz thats not her name... then quizbowl friends said they were both thirsty and i happened to have 2 water bottles that she bought for me many months ago so i gave them (without telling them that she bought them). i had them cuz i have my own flask but those are there just in case. and now theyve been helpful to people! then at one of the stores... they were selling godspeed - lysf and i pointedly lifted it, real analysis friend soyjaked cuz yeah its her pfp and the other said it was a good album.

welp my show got cancelled today rip. but im so happy. that shed want to store some of her hrt supplies in my place next year... omg. thats like. aaaaa. that shes comfy like that ^.^

holy fuckkkkkk im so happy rn. a few days ago i committed to making my radio hour include a self surgery portion where i simulate taking out my kidneys, and i wanted to perform foley for all the sounds. you cannot bring food into the booth, but food is the classic for disgusting wet sounds. i didnt know how to make sloshy organ sounds. but i just discovered. if you rub 2 squishy rubber toys in each other they make wet organ sounds. genuinely when i heard it i was so happy. self-surgery saturday is back on the schedule i thought i might have to resort to freesound. im sooo back now i just need to make scalpel sounds and the sound of cutting into flesh

2024-04-19

oh my gosh i started a housing group of 5 ppl of strangers within one day. after losing one person and having to not room with another cuz of summer incompatibility, we got there.. also it seemed like itd be hard since the pool of people who dont mind mixed gender flatmates is limited. but we got there

i wish life was easier

2024-04-16

when i was an artist, i was diligent about self-imposed constraints. heavypaint, back when it only allowed one layer. mspaint. one layer. only using rgb color space. never zooming in. never zooming in (but on my phone, painting with a finger). i could not imagine maintaining the same smug diligence to anything now.

ok we are so back (with dms, not research)

2024-04-15

im not in an even hopeful place in research rn. at least i caught up with all my other classes

i made up for all my lost laundry money yay. just happening to do laundry when maintenance is fixing it so i get machines for free.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ctYShEa5Fo

some twitter user named ana, i believe, linked this video yesterday. i cannot find that user anymore but i really appreciate the video. with my change in how i approach listening to music. i kinda force myself to do it but not in the same extreme way as he did. i kinda experience arrival fallacy, but i really dont think i could get myself to meet goals that do not have anything left over like he did. i can continually listen to unheard music from underrepresented countries, even after getting all countries. i have long backlogs and i dont need to clear them, though i am fine with listening to just one song off an album in my backlog and giving up on it.

the frequency of messages from the girl im interested in's grad student friend to ME is higher than the frequency from her to me rn :single_tear_cat_face:

im not even friends with him and barely have anything in common with him besides how he tas one of my classes. in my dms worrying about yapping too much and questioning insane things i do on the discussion board.

got locked out of my dorm until 3am the other day...

2024-04-12

i keep wanting to throw up but i havent

not looking forward to today. i feel trapped in a terrible situation. thank god i have enforced fun time tmrw (different class forces group bonding, enforced radio hour (technically i could get someone to sub in but i neeeeed to play this banger playlist)). i want to stop doing research. this blows. its hard to want to eat now cuz thats wasted time 3:. even tho i waste time all the time like rn

2024-04-11

yesterday was genuinely a terrible day and tomorrow will be terrible too. research is cursed i hate it. i was incredibly stressed yesterday and bought a hot meal, then failed to eat it then my docker pod burst, then went home failed to eat it did my taxes paid a lot of taxes failed to store the food, woke up, threw it away. with like a snag in my mental.

2024-04-10

wtf. some databases have me with the same first name as the person im interested in. cuz yea it is an artifact.

ive had my last name removed for a while now and i still dont know how to feel about it. like im not attached to or bothered by the last name. in my classes the staff only know me by my first name and find it notable how there's a person with only one name. i make tickets to it to remove traces of my birth name on uni stuff cuz that part bothers me but theres a thing where my former last name is still visible in all my screenshots and i just dont comment on it at all. cuz it doesn't really bother me, and people from my research and work know me by that last name so if they need me again i kinda need to keep it there

i feel pretty bad about the work ive put into my research. i definitely met the hour requirements, it's just that im not making much progress...

2024-04-08

omg she finally responded to me ^.^ and asked about my show. i feel bad about not reminding some friends about my show cuz i thought they werent interested and itd bother them but then they joined at the end of the show or ask about it after the fact. im gonna try and get lunch with her on tuesday cuz i fumbled last week and just went back to my dorm after class even tho we were both free. yes im still resolving not to ask her out but aaa i want to be a good friend and im still halfway into her

2024-04-07

idk it's like. in last year's summer i already doomed myself to thinking "i will literally be the people whove applied to 200 internships and gotten nothing. so why try if your resume is dogwater?"

most internships are looking for spring 2025 graduation anyways... so that means third year is the year to be!

i actually hate myself there are no internships left. whatever. summer 2025 for sure... why didnt i submit my application to anything before today? meanwhile i know so many ppl who have gotten offers. at least i do have a job i can continue over the summer. i just wish i was more proactive. at least i applied to things today. i can spend my summer making something for my resume and apply to things immediately.

it would be really stupid of me to ask her out if i was only halfway attracted to her. now that i dont think of her all the time im gonna be real and resolve not ask her out. last week i was like i need to ask her out next week. on friday i rly wanted to send it. but it would be really stupid.

but its also like what the fuck youre going out of your way to listen to me even tho im not physically there that's freaky you have a free homunculus of me

2024-04-06

being a dj is actually an ego boost bc i ask my friends who i thought had very different music taste to listen and then they say "straight bangers". and i can text them during my radio hour. and i can see the listener count go down real time as i play more emo

i neeeeed to scrape discogs sellers that are record stores to make playlists so when i go, i can actually buy something. today i went to one that someone said had everything. and it did have a lot of things but im genuinely too zoomerbrained to either enjoy or know the things in that store. they had ashra but not new age of earth. they had zappa but not hot rats. they had be the cowboy but i dont care that much about some songs. honestly i shouldve gotten it. i left with nothing xD

2024-04-05

excited for my radio hours

2024-04-02

one of my ge professors is so fucking goofy its unreal. she has no filter and just makes infantilizing bioessentialist comments left and right, also multiple comments about how you're not a real hip hop fan if you havent heard [insert name/movie]. might drop it but i might keep it for the popcorn fest. also students laugh at the prof during class ☠️. she had an explicit content warning for the class and said "reconsider your enrollment in this class if you're sensitive to ... masculine content and speak with your doctor/consultant"

consultant...

i have listened to 10,219 artists now but i didnt notice for a while cuz i only looked at my country data.

2024-04-01

my ankle is so fucking exhausted all the time even when im laying down how do i turn the ankle off im literally just resting it how is it still tired

2024-03-31

so i am a dj. is it possible to complete my wishes? to have both a radio hour and a girl?

today i wrangled a lot of data. basically converting embedded lists of neovisionaries-formatted country names into musicbrainz format and doing a lot of things in musicbrainz to finally achieve a playlist of one artist from all countries i havent listened to. unfortunately musicbrainz is missing a lot of data for many countries but i at least have artists for all the non-island territories

2024-03-30

ok there is another one. the first was upon this one is kai tek. starting to think he just put venezulans in general in the "real venezuelan emo" playlist

im listening to a venezuelan emo playlist and suddenly i just hear ambient. i check out the artist and the artist playlists are just ambient. why is this guy in the venezuelan emo playlist

i have tons of gigantic playlists of artists i havent heard (multiple in the 200+ hour range) that i whittle down and that fucked up part is that i do whittle them down considerably. one from 245 hours to 213 hours. while also considerably listening to music i do know and enjoy

found a yesterweb person on slsk the other day

its rly interesting how specced into last.fm i am now. i can tell when someone uses apple music as opposed to spotify. i can tell when someone has multiple scrobblers connected to the same service as opposed to one service that accidentally double scrobbles. i can tell when someone checked the disable scrobble autocorrect option. i know why 105 pages of my library artists are broken (once you have enough artists in a scrobble-count bucket, last.fm just refuses to sort them)

i now have things that merge playlists and merge playlists in your library by title. this means that, since i already connected to rediscover weekly, i now have a 66 hr playlist of all my discover weeklys since last june. i used to go on the spotify desktop app, ctrl+a ctrl+c discover weekly then put it into a playlist but id forget on some weeks. also spotify desktop app is broken now for me. also spotify web app does not select more than ~400 songs at a time even if you had selected thousands of songs, so adding to a playlist yields only those 400

i will ask her out, week 2 perhaps...

2024-03-29

100% done with rustlings

99% done with rustlings

2024-03-28

damn i just slightly edited my resume to remove my mental block and now im actually applying for a job. nahhhhhhhhhhhhh wtf. may june july august september november october december january february march. the only thing that makes it ok is that i am doing it. i hate myself tho. i was going to go to a show tonight, so i could volunteer and learn sound but. job has to come first

i was about to go through all artists in a berlin school list on rym to see which ones had bolded albums but i realized i can legit just go to the berlin school genre on rym and immediately get the bolded albums that way. bc i dont need a specific artist i just wanna hear more new age. i tried that one masakatsu takagi album but it was mid and very different from ashra. im really just looking for more things like ashra, but generally looking at artists people who like ashra listen to, you get more general krautrock. i want energetic synthy space rock

i realized that if i ask her about math she will tell me things about math.

4 artists have crossed into the former dead zone between 160 and 109 plays. i realized that eventually, this zone will look normal as the lower artists i listen to get more scrobbles cuz h-index incentive is kinda dwindling but i still slowly listen to those artists. ill only grind it if i rly like a song or rly like multiple. it's just that, before the zone, it wont look normal bc it is just 50 artists at 160 scrobbles

basking in the splendor of red heart react. may i pet her head forever.

i love when she red heart reacts me. so sweet

why am i just unable to make myself apply for jobs :(. its almost fucking april god. god. god. god. god. why am i like this :( why why why why why why. i hate how im so mental blocked. i did a lot of things this break that were quite productive. i cleaned my room i cook every day i got thru 54% of rustlings i read some of perdido street station i go to shows and socialize at the station but i cannot. get past this shit :(. i was alr hating myself by december for not doing it but now its almost april and i cannot :(

what the hell, the plot for death's end by liu cixin (on wikipedia) is crazy

2024-03-27

they do just stand there lmao.

there are notable coincidences i notice but cant rly talk about to my friends out of protecting ppls privacy, but its also one-note coincidences that you can't say much about other than "that's interesting". stuff like, i only have 2 friends whose names are hindu gods, and they dont know each other bc one is online and one irl, but both of their usernames are a word then a number, but the first 4 letters of their name is used as the beginning, and the word is for an object in the same very specific category, but both english words are misspelled by the same one letter

what do people do at postrock shows do they just stand there

music this year: listened to 2496 new artists, increased my h-index by 41, new peak scrobbles in a day, 492, new peak scrobbles in a month, 7458, new peak average for a month, 257 scrobbles/day and a lot more lol. in 2 months if i keep it up i will beat all previous years' scrobbles for that year. in some more months i will have more scrobbles made in 2024 than i made cumulatively in all previous years

i have a flat A now yay

btw update on the A-, i actually did get one but not because of the fear id lose all/most points on the one problem i was worried about. i only lost 3/8 for that problem which was doable cuz i only needed 3/20 of those 8 points to get a flat A. it was because i forgot to submit a photo of one of the other problems, so i lost 9(+ original 3 lost)/43 total points, which resulted in a 72% on the exam.

she's airing me but its ok cuz she said she's been rotting. airing mainly hurts when its been years

i love how i have things that turn large playlists into wayy smaller ones. 160h condensed into 7h. removing everything i do not care about

broken foot...

2024-03-26

i was thinking. i cant not listen to music while reading perdido street station because i need to get 211ish scrobbles a day to barely beat february which barely beat january. and historically i have listened to music while reading, and it worked just fine (i believe i was looping long season for one book, and shuffled my playlist for another and it happened to land on mountain goats transcendental youth (track) at a fitting time). but what music would fit? with me not knowing too much about the book and not wanting to distract myself. rn i have sonasile playing cuz its kinda ambient and its not english but i just realized. gybe (asunder or allelujah) would actually fit i think

i was worried i couldnt text her about anything this break but i was able to.

fuck i stubbed my recovering broken foot into a chair which means its back to being really broken again and im bedridden for the icing. which is good in the sense that i can read a book i guess. why do bones break.

why do i have no disk space its not like i have the film REVOLUTION+1 about the assassination of shinzo abe nor a bunch of albums i probably wont like

2024-03-24

lol someone in a server linked a shohei amimori track, im listening to the whole album and it reminds me of watchman. so i looked at someone ive done art train stuff for's youtube playlists since we talked about watchman before. the 2nd playlist i clicked had a different shohei amimori album as the first video.

absolutely do not scrape the entirety of the radio station set history to determine unplayed artists/the most underrepresented genres to play. you can literally play anything its chill, so dont.

fuck it's crazy that music production class did just give me the skills to understand what was happening when they were mixing stuff. learning from classes is a crazy concept. the next hours i watched one finish a mix of a sticker artist's first track.

so the station was just playing random re-broadcasts and no one was at the booth. i ended up hanging out with audio engineering interns tho, that was fun. for the first hours i was mostly observing a recording session in silence and somehow bagged a guitarist's instagram without even asking their name. they all happened to be julie fans. i learned that the person with a julie shirt does often come to the station also.

2024-03-23

i will try to hang out at the radio station for a few minutes as the current radio hour is closing up and im not interested in the later one. then do the rustlings course. then maybe do the notebook yaml thing with gtk4. then maybe update my resume and apply for jobs, finally? i like how people say you need a linkedin and having connections looks rly good, but i dont want to have one. the lab ta that said she had a girlfriend talked about how she never had a linkedin and still got offers, while the converse often happens. by rocket to the moon, by airplane to the rocket, by taxi to the airport, by front door to the taxi, by throwing back the blanket, hanging down the legs

will the anxiety about doing things cause me to do things at least, or will i just be like that one wojak that's noteless and actionless. it wasn't the man of inaction one, it was one where he was like air, able to fade away without concern, and was not good at anything. that's a weird description but i can't place the words that were actually used.

today ive been contemplating my state in terms of doing anything at all. i stopped learning things on my own, basically. i dont make art because i needed to focus on school, but i messed up that exam anyways because i didnt start studying early enough. i dont watch videos or movies, my feeds weren't prrviously curated by me to teach me things or if i had watched certain videos to tune my recommendations to teach me things, i stopped and it's just slop now. i dont read, though at least i have a list of things to read. i was really good at minesweeper but concussy ruined my skill. i program things to streamline my music listening goals, and because i focused on reaching my goals, i didnt want to listen to music in ways that weren't logged, so i programmed things to accurately log more sources of music. i started playing balatro today, but other than getting better at it and having fun im not getting anything out of it. i havent applied to jobs or gotten a house yet, though i have visited 2 houses at least. i know what im like and what ive achieved in the past, but now the only perceptible thing about me is my herculean effort in music listening. everything else is quite mundane, in a bedrotting or still-life way. what do people do in their free time? do i even have a personality?

the idea is to join computing organizations so you surround yourself with people who do things, not only networking but also motivating you to do things, but i stopped that.

on thursday, at 5:08pm or so, i went to get ice cream from a market. i knew in the past, the ice cream scoop time was inconsistent. there was a quarter where it started at 6:30pm, but this quarter it seemed like it was available at all times. on the way, i saw the cracked guy who recommended griffith's electrodynamics, walking up the stairs, and waved to him, he waved back. i noticed he was talking with a pure math major who went to quizbowl practice often. i know both are taking analysis, and i'm pretty sure their final had past at that point. i wondered, were they talking about math? being so specced into math and computing, were they learning about them from each other in that conversation? or talking about life?

that day, the people at the counter said ice cream was at 5:30pm. so i walked back, and the two were still talking at a table outside. i think i kept looking at my last.fm scrobbles pages then at 5:44 or so, i went to get ice cream. the two were still there, still talking. i was still curious about their convo, but i dont know them enough that i feel like going up to them would be intrusive. i got ice cream and ate at a lower "floor", looked at my phone for a bit, and walked back to my dorm. still conversing. when i repeat "still conversing", i don't mean it in a bad way, i mean it as in it was notable and im still curious.

2024-03-22

lmao i got cooked on one question, in which assuming incorrectly the first go probably means you cant get partial credit. did the others correctly tho. unfortunately that probably means i get an A-

2024-03-21

bro study for the final dont message random australians youve not talked to in 4 years out of nowhere please

this quarter i got back the plus. coming in i was scared for the theory classes but i clutched it. last quarter i lost all pluses due to concussy. thankfully physical disability doesnt affect my brain. i just need to grind this last class and then i can play balatro forever

something kinda sad is that i invent rly good usernames but they have to be disposable 1-time use for opsec so i cant reuse them.

one time she wore a pearly-kinda bracelet, somewhat hidden under her sweater. i complimented it a few days later and afterwards, for the past few weeks, closeted trans girls in a public server im in keep talking about wearing hidden bracelets and getting each other to wear one

2024-03-19

curly hair gybe gf.. save me.....

2024-03-18

dsbm and blackgaze are functionally ambient. sometimes i use them as ways to listen to music even tho im just tuning it out the entire time cuz rn having no audio input (silence) is just really weird to experience

2024-03-17

lfg i wrote a scrobbler so ive gone crazy with writing additional stuff that scrobbles or corrects various things that are recent enough. i can scrobble past sets from my radio station now, based off the website. i can correct artists who have the wrong album artist. i can scrobble spotify playlists (as a more direct source of past radio sets, but those are also occasionally off depending on whether the dj ran out of time or forgot to include something until the middle of the show)

2024-03-16

god how are 3/4 of my classes ending on the topic of p-np. theyre actually trolling

2024-03-15

i need to read more.

one of the djs listens to music/adds tracks to setlists that also happen to be from albums i put in a playlist of youtube album recommendations in 2019-2020. just going off the setlists, i didnt realize that those artists were youtubecore. talking deux filles, dominque guiot. also i put yellow swans in that playlist so long ago and i barely listened this year, from a different source not even remembering it was here. crazy.

2024-03-14

idk today was so crazy she acted way more energetic and used way more memey language than she ever has in my presence and we finished lab soso fast

radio station tries to accept everyone, so ill probably get my radio hour. maybe one can have both a radio hour and a girl.. much to think about

hugging girls you dont know the name of...

i love users from my school who just have their last.fm profile link as their discord bio. ive seen at least 5 by now

lfg i hugged her

well, i submitted my dj app and im gonna ask to hug her later as this is maybe the last time i see her this quarter

2024-03-13

still reeling from the fact the test grade thresholds in one of my classes makes it so i dont have to do anything now even tho i missed so many points. insane class. i mean i learned most of the topics but i dont think i deserve this a.

2024-03-12

anticipating the post "i have a radio show. now i have to get to the moving on part" in a few weeks. itsokitsokitsok

2024-03-11

it is over but i gotta move on. i gotta have a radio show and move on.

2024-03-10

after listening to like 200 numero group artists.. i dont think theyre the harta of music anymore, but now i know way more about oldies, folk, and soul i suppose

2024-03-09

numero group is like the harta of music. by harta, i mean the manga magazine. though, the curation time is the opposite from one another. numero group doesnt need to have predictive prowess.

nah they might be giants - destination moon is lichrally me

>Thank you for the card with the cartoon nurse

>But you see there's nothing wrong with me

>You think, "That's what you think"

>"That's what they all say,"

>Before I blow you away

>...

>By rocket to the moon

>Crawl to the rocket

>By coughing at the airport

>By limping to the taxi

>By throwing back the blanket

>Hanging down the withered leg

hung out in the radio station for the first time early morning lfg. the dj i first knew didnt know much of the djs, havent met him in person but i now know some of the main people i think

wtf. yesterday i saw someone with a csh shirt and today (minutes ago) saw someone with a julie shirt. like you couldnt even tell it was julie unless you were familiar with the shirt because their jacket covered the text and the design is not that of any ep. i have never been as socially musicmaxxed irl as i am now. idk if these mfs are all from the radio station or what

2024-03-08

id think id stop spiraling after its been shown time and time again that she likes talking to me and brings up stuff that id be interested in but i keep doing it. im on the good side rn at least

2024-03-07

during three colors: red i just kept thinking about how i fuck up my interactions with her so fucking often. god it's so over

i went to film club screening instead of studying for theory of computation lfg. it's quite the small amount of people who show up. we watched a banger french film, three colors: red, that reminded me of showing up due to the pacing, i didnt fully remember showing up's title so i just described it and someone remembered the title for me yay

genuinely film club is the only school server where people talk about music unrelated to orchestral stuff. not even radio station server talks about music! i love film server. im musicmaxxing these past 2 weeks. i have #1 on most leaderboards but the dj has ~400 more server-wide unique artists which is quite interesting. ppl in film server are specced into shoegaze especially, normal rym taste (slowdive, aphex (genuinely 77% of the people who connected their last.fm listen to aphex), etc), emo, glitchy japanese stuff, japanese edm, vocaloid so im less unique than usual. but the dj is specced into niche mpb and quite niche new wave/post-punk that isnt the usual everyone does

2024-03-05

going up stairs is fine but going down stairs makes me wanna die

2024-03-04

impacts hard enough to blind you. impacts hard enough to make you forget the time

it feels awkward because i was going to use that venue or the radio station as a pivot if things didn't work out with her, but she's the one who got me interested again in the radio station. and she mightve been involved with the venue in previous quarters. today was interesting tho because i messaged a dj a lot as he was doing his set. my school's film club has quite the based music taste and he's in it. i only talked to him once before, many months ago, which incidentally was about an event my lab partner and i went to last quarter.. fuck lol. im hopeful i can still give her affection but my friends are telling me to pivot with how often i think its over and how often i think she avoids me

gosh my lab partner was actually about to go to the show i went to, but got too busy with hw. the show was incidentally full of trans musicians and volunteers but i didnt kno beforehand and i doubt she knows. maybe though, i gotta ask if she's talked to the volunteers

2024-03-03

my brain is actually expanding now, the capacitors are there in the amplifier circuits to let you probe into the signal part of the input and output waveform

man wtf onur mutlu comparch lecture made me understand how cmos works cuz i just always do the equations and dont fundamentally understand what's happening with transistors. holy sheesh pmos acts as a wire from source to drain pulling v_cc and 0 v_in makes it turn on. vs v_ov is v_cc minus v_g has to be greater than v_tp, when it's in triode mode v_sd is 0.. ok solve for the states of the other mos..

but she wouldve avoided me again had a different class not changed. but it wasnt personal.

the doctor didnt say anything about dislocation but i feel like i did dislocate something. wearing a splint is also quite annoying, really fucks up how i approach stairs and shortcuts for the next month

2024-03-02

god this is so annoying. my credit card stopped working and i tried to get a replacement twice but it keeps not arriving. so my old credit card number was cancelled fml. and my credit score dropped 64 points because they unfroze student loans which added young accounts. fuck ronald reagan. this is annoying the fuck out of me, i have no way of actually receiving a credit card for like the next 4 months it's so over

lol i put some freshmen on strawberry hospital and twinkle park yesterday.

i dont think it's over actually. before this quarter, i dont think ive ever got into the mindset of thinking a friend really dislikes me and any small weirdness cancels out all the comraderie we developed. obviously that isnt true. every time i think she avoids me IRL i thought "ok this is repeatedky happening it can't just be a fluke" but it could. she did the opposite of avoiding me yesterday :3

2024-03-01

i accidentally hooked the oscilloscope probe to my finger yesterday and for a second the oscilloscope still displayed a carrier sine + high frequency sine but with a larger amplitude than before i hooked it to my finger. this was 19 hours ago and it still hurts.

2024-02-29

confirmed, broke a bone for the first time. last quarter i broke my head this quarter i broke my foot. whats next?

my vision fucked up due to the physical trauma too and affected my ability to read the midterm too. it cleared up in the middle but, what a debuff

on a leap day i lost my ability to leap...

fuck i thought i could run to my midterm but i ended up dislocating/breaking my foot bones. i did the midterm anyways but rip. i was able to not fuck up my previous runs, this is annoying

2024-02-28

its so over. i really was too cocky

okay wtf. i was browsing last.fm new releases because it is actually quite detailed and relevant to my tastes unlike rym new releases. there was a release: mistral ft megurine luka, title. and last.fm said similar to sadness and asunojokei and the release is tagged blackgaze and trance. so im thinking omg, finally something else that's like strawberry hospital? i listen to it and it's fucking vocaloid bluegrass. last.fm should not copy over all the tags of the artists for each release if theyre just going to identify artists by their name.

2024-02-27

im gonna ask if i can hug her on the last lab. hope she says yes. idk if the dream is over it probably is. and to be honest at the very beginning i thought it was doomed also we're both too busy but i still really wanna give her affection

i already needed to grind up for research since im behind and havent been making it a priority, such that ive never talked about any research-related stuff that wasnt what im working on with my postdoc, but talking with my lab partner about her research made me ask my postdoc a simple question about travelling to conferences and they talked for quite a while, and expanded the scope to just the experience of conferences, like they were excited i asked that question

2024-02-26

i said i'd improve in terms of thinking but yeah i think the dream is truly over

2024-02-25

i finished implementing caching yay, now i can get scrobbles to turn into artists to turn into [set differences to turn into playlists with the other user's artists] and [versions of existing playlists without my artists]. the ultimate goal is increasing my artist count

oh my gosh why does last.fm tell you what you are currently listening to for every single page of your scrobbles you query. fuck off im getting scrobbles from 2021, i dgaf about feb 25 2024!

lastfm library artists api is so scuffed. it doesnt count phantom scrobbles, but it skips some artists, especially in the low scrobble range (artists with 1, 3 scrobbles) and "makes up" for it by duplicating other artists. then before i started implementing my own stuff i used to use the last.fm to csv website to get data to do set difference with, but he wrote it so that commas are stripped. which is annoying because my artists do have commas in them and i dont wanna cross reference everything to fix the old data. ideally i would only fetch uncached data and add it to the old, but the old data is quite scuffed

wait GMaps WV is so cracked. google maps on my phone used to work without google play services but now it is completely broken. but gmaps wv works just fine holy shit i have transit information back. and it doesnt prompt me to enable google play services anymore. also for some reason, google maps isnt available on aurora store and you can't install a google maps apk on your phone even with play protect disabled, but it's fully allowed on the adb side.

2024-02-24

i feel like im in a war of being considerate with her and im afraid my attempt at consideration is annoying to her. im forced to take the 9am class now which means we can change our discussion so she can have lunch with friends without inconveniencing me and she's like "rip [even if we tried to do that] it'll probably fill up [before we got to it" but i dont think it will, but then she said something in order to cancel out the benefit of having the discussion at her original preferred time, which is having too many isolated classes. and then i also brought up a new consideration battle with going to a show with her, because i bought a ticket to a show we agreed on going to a while back, but i didnt expect it to sell out before the date, but it did, but there's now a second date. so i could go through the process of selling my ticket and buying the non-sold show or she could buy a slightly expensive resale. i gave her information to extrapolate she could do the second but i did not explicitly say it, in the same message i said i could sell my ticket. and she responded she could buy a resale. and another secret consideration battle, recently she discovered the route we take after lecture is wildly inefficient for me, since ive been taking that instead to walk with her longer.

2024-02-23

omg shes not distant today we're sooo back omg

2024-02-22

why do all the music nerds fiend invisible status

early today one of my researchmates said i was the first person they knew that listened to toe in like, an amazed way :3, though toe is not that small. because i was talking about music with another researchmate (who doesnt share anything i listen to) and they asked "can i recommend a band?" and started by saying "it's japanese math rock.." and the entire time they slowly led up to the artist i was just waiting to see if i knew what band it was lmfao

fuck today after our lab she left early again, i think it's because she changed her work schedule, and i didnt ask to pet her even though i was thinking it. idk, she felt distant and i think the dream is over but then my friends say im manic and that its unhealthy as fuck, that i should not pursue her because of how much i do that, because im like she dgaf she dgaf she thinks im stupid it's over i give up and every time its been followed by a we're so back. and the "over" side permeates in my head for so long. but also, literally 2 days ago, she changed her discussion from one that would let her have her year-long lunch tradition with friends to one that would let her be in the same discussion as me, mentioned that was sad, and i offered to switch one of my classes so she could still have lunch (without mentioning the change would make me have to go to class at 9am) and she said don't worry about it. like, that is kinda in but fuck it's so over she leaves immediately nowww

im so busy. sometimes i get 20h, 22.5h of music in a day because of how i procrastinate then have to make up for it

2024-02-20

i want to wife her up so bad its pathetic

2024-02-19

there are different forces that make listening to most music worthwhile. some are about the same thing but the perspectives are different and theyre separate forces to me

- desire to have a higher artist count (breadth)

- desire to have a higher track count (depth of artists)

- desire to have a lower % of artists sitting at 1 scrobble since rn that percentage is quite high and it used to be lower just a few weeks ago (depth)

- desire to increase h-index and overall, increase scrobbles of existing artists to further h-index in the future/reduce quick dropoff/increase artist breakdown numbers in overview

- desire to have more scrobbles (makes me listen to shorter songs or get sad when i soend the entire day listening to 20 minute songs. but i think of how it furthers the anti-dropoff goal which makes it slightly better)

- desire to increase the length of my playlist (which means (re)listening to lps, others' playlists)

- desire to reduce another person's amount of unique artists

- moderate desire to listen to things other people told me to

- desire to rate more things (lps, as track ratings go in a separate tab that doesnt increase the count) (now that i have more ratings than my lab partner im good on this front)

- minor desire to reduce my to-listen queues (even though i spend so much time curating my tagging systems to get useful queues i don't really use them if it's not where i listen to music)

- desire to have higher discovery % in weekly report (breadth)

- desire to stay first among friends in scrobbles for weekly report

- desire to hear a genre more deeply

- desire to have music where i can call one thing a fuck ton of genres

- desire to keep # of hours listened in a day insane, 15+ hours in a day. recently i got 22h27m listening in a day and it was one of the days i mainly listened to 13+ min songs so i only got 200 scrobbles out of it... my peak scrobbles in a day is 447 with lower time listened...

- heat of the moment desire to listen to specific new things

- minor desire to have even gaps between artist scrobbles for a longer period (it's kinda hard now, i do not want to listen to my #10-#12 artists 200+ times right now to get the line back)

- desire to reduce steep gaps because it looks bad

- desire to know acclaimed artists more deeply

- desire to enjoy what im hearing

2024-02-18

sometimes i send her stuff or ask stuff that i want the answer to but im always afraid what i send will give her severe whiplash. but she always responds like what i sent was normal to send and i feel less anxious. example: an image showing what you get when you combine math and gay in infinite craft

ok i got rejected from the sub, annoying. the most fucked up part is that i did lurk it years before it went private, i just didnt subscribe because the posts were also annoying but the privatization is giving it intrigue even though my guess of what posts are being made is probably 100% correct

2024-02-17

fuck im applying to private subreddits because of her ☠️

now that ive been able to give a crumb of affection my brain is just fixated on giving affection all the fucking time way more than before. this is a huge mental debuff, fuck. that human reaction time-level response though. we've talked about classes since and havent brought it up lol but im asking again next lab and trying to hold the petting for longer.

2024-02-16

fuck, before it was constantly thinking of how she said "i want an i heart warren shirt" (then concluding over the past few weeks that it was a fluke). now its /how did she answer so fast/ since her mind mustve been preoccupied with what she was planning to do at the building she was going to go to

out of the sub-dozen ppl ive pet the heads of, 3 enjoy gy!be

2024-02-15

she had to go immediately after our lab, usually i get a 10-15min convo in with her, but she left after 2 mins. as we were walking i was thinking about when to bring it up but she said im gonna go so i quickly asked and she said yes immediately? like 0.3 seconds after i said "head" in "wait can i pet your head" she said yes. am i /in/

ive listened to 3 noise albums, one twice since starting circuit problems. yellow swans - going places, yellow swans - drowner yellow swans, the patients - vcjd (my old lab partner keeps telling me to listen, its like eateot but Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease)

ok i can go to sleep now so i can go to class, but my body isnt sleepy but ive only slept an hour in the last 22 hours?

that was an hour ago im still listening to noise and still solving circuits. so fucked!

geeked out of my mind solving bjt circuits listening to 2010 drone noise

2024-02-14

i finally ask to pet her head tmrw, godspeed. aha get it because she loves gybe, before i was infected with thoughts, while still knowing she liked them, i just thought they were mid. L dead flag blues, storm, etc. but now whenever i see gybe i think of her.

the journey is actually 890 scrobbles, fucked

yea i broke linearity and idk if i want to embark on 700ish scrobble journey to fix it

borrow checker...

anyways, the overwhelming majority characteristic gap progression falls off more quickly than mine does, and does not jump hundreds of artists in, unlike mine

mine

img/gap_plot.png

normal

img/normal_plot.png

ok i wrote code to plot the progression of my friends' scrobble gaps and the feeling of doxxing has stayed. but im doing this to see how my purposeful h-indexmaxxing and linearization makes scrobble gaps look unnatural

2024-02-13

even though they are my friends, it feels like doxxing to get the set difference of our artists, especially when in the process i learned whether they decided to disable autocorrect on their artists (i didnt remember that was an option, and was surprised when my friend uniquely had shiro sagisu. because i have listened to shiro sagisu. so i was really confused about why +noredirect kept appearing in their artist links but not mine. however, i investigated noredirect and got the answer)

listening to abriction while passing the bell that plays every hour is so fucked be,ause i cant tell if what im hearing is abriction or an actual bell irl

lately, ive only enjoyed trancecore/electronicore blackgaze and pinkpantheress. where strawberry hospital specs into the trance while abriction specs into loud drums, reverb, and soft synth notes

2024-02-12

ive now finished alphanumeric usernames yay

abriction has finally written lyrics that arent just about liking girls and yearning so i can finally use them as my statuses. in i had a dream... she had a variety of topics but i dont like that album, she improved how she did electronic stuff after that

i was talking about self-botting on discord on a burner with the user api key you can see from browser network requests with my irl friend and she talked about how she's never been punished by discord for excessively self-botting away all her messages in whatever server or dm. thought, you used to get like 10msgs deleted in a few milliseconds but now its limited to a few per min. a few weeks ago, i noticed some of my lab partner's old messages in a server weren't there, but i wasnt checking so i didnt even think if she did it to all of them. but today i connected the dots. she also self-bots away her messages. but, she didn't do it in the other school servers, and only did it for a 2 month period... wonder what things were the reason everything needed to be deleted. my move: self-botting on my main account to archive everything right now lol

2024-02-11

there's a trollish quant-obsessed student in a discord who keeps obsessing over the concept of "yellow cardigan gf" though he cant acquire one, and its pretty niche. but my lab partner actually wears a yellow sweater knit like a cardigan thats so cute

ever since wednesday night, i have stayed up to at least 4am last-minute studying for each midterm and its continuing to today. this midterm is weird because it has a 24hr start window from 8am to 7:59am, and i studied up to 5am, 3hrs before the start period, but i have stayed studying and i'm approaching the end of the start period lol (so 2 days of studying past night for this one midterm).

2024-02-10

one of my irl friends has people that try to dox her, they mostly havent gotten very far but one of them who seemed to not have the troll edge got her phone number somehow even though she wipes everything, and messaged her, but they fumbled horrendously and ended up believing the number wasn't her. i dont want to describe which part made them fumble, but genuinely, that is one of the most downright unbelievable fumbles ive ever encountered.

im never bothering her with name stuff again, and have said nothing about names since she aired my question, but knowing her buttock circumference but not name is fucking wild

how have i been obsessed for this long

2024-02-08

wait lmao one of the djs is this one person whose discord handle is the name of one of the electronic engineering classes

realizing i can't really meet anyone new this quarter because im just too busy. at best ive dmed new people at my school with similar interests and had 1 convo, that's it. and they're all not in similar majors to me. really, it's fucking crazy how i have a lot in common with my lab partner. i learned the college radio station actually does have set info, for some reason i couldnt find it 2 months ago. but now that i can, i think itd be cool to meet some of the djs.. or i could start hanging at the lgbt center, then id see new faces.

enumerating the new people i have talked to irl about something that wasnt class, that i got the names of:

recreational exam +1, +2 total if someone i didnt converse with before counts. the exam was a one time thing

theory class +1

other theory class that got me scared +2

lab room outside of lab hours +2, one time thing

lab class +2, where the was someone else besides my lab partner who uses last.fm with some taste overlap

i wanna meet more people. rn i dont even hang out with anyone other than the friend who gave me bubbles, since i have to go to theirs to get a refill

2024-02-07

the exammaker, when he talked about how he didnt really feel gender outside of feeling alienated when around woman and nonbinary people, i thought that was a sus statement, but a good chunk of the 30 people who wanted to take the quiz were nonbinary so it makes sense that he said that.

i am now starting the labor of listening to an artist that i like some songs of, but hate most, so i can finally delete all the bad songs off my computer and hopefully gain 5gb back on my drive

2024-02-06

i have to postpone the petting as we're not labbing this week. so messed

this is so fucked up, i pretty much did 1 thing these past 5 weeks for my research and i thought we clearly are very behind on our research plan, but we're still on pace?!

i know it could be because it feels fraudulent to go by a name skewed a lot in one gender direction. but also we've talked about enough deeper things that i thought that shouldnt matter. oh well. like she simply aired my question and responded to a different message in our dms. then dmed me unprompted(rare) about a lighthearted topic, but the conversation about it ended quickly, to maybe show she wasn't put off that much by the question?

all i know about it is that it's an ethnic name and it's not her birth name. the situation is also interesting because she's brought up changing her name herself, she just cant mention the specifics. i like not having an ethnic name, there's this person in a server who named herself robyn with an english word last name and british middle name despite living in her birth country her entire life(not western) and being of the main ethnicity which i find interesting

2024-02-05

i spent some time looking for a top listener of an artist, where they hear the one song that is not on streaming on their only ep at least as much as the other songs. its not there because its a cover, still is pretty good from my re-listening today. i couldnt find one (that track always had at least 50% less scrobbles than the next highest song), but rn i was thinking, i might be the exception. and i am, but it's because i only enjoyed one song at the time. so the other songs are all clustered, including what's not in streaming.

school got everyone saying "trivial" this is so messed

2024-02-04

my lack of self-discipline is destroying me

bro finally added local storage to infinite craft. i spent a good hour digging for my first discoveries, since converting the div containing items you own into the format infinite-craft-data has is otherwise trivial. as first discoveries are not stored anywhere in the browser, i had to drag every item onto the canvas to see if it was a first discovery, and since i had the tab open for so log, it's exceedingly slow. i have 591 in that tab, but i got another 60 in a different tab. i hate how some items don't combine, ive spent so much time trying to make my institution and a few other words.

the brackets around warren is because in the online servers im in, i dont want to reveal my name so they just use my username. before i chose warren, i also tried not to cross-contaminate certain nicknames people used for me based off my usernames

today is a day of emoviolence and vocatrance

i was mainly going off the ultimate box set -> the artists' albums for vocaloid trance but i just realized it'd be better to use others' playlists for it. because clean tears betrayed me, lily is not trance. also a lot of the box set artists don't mainly do vocaloid trance so a lot of their albums are just normal trance. if anyone has lily in their vocatrance playlist i can just discard their curations

2024-02-03

honestly so crazy how people farm reddit karma off my vandalism

she's open about giving me her measurements unprompted but she can't tell me her chosen name because "not like it matters cuz im probably ending up a permamanmoder" -_- so many trans girls here are deep into the doomspiral, its sad to see

2024-02-02

who is the person who immediately downloaded my vn after seeing the page once today?!

i thought i missed a lot in terms of life experiences but hanging out with online friends irl nade me understand that yeah, those experiences largely boil down to seeing things and possibly talking to people. thats it, not doing anything special.

this cracked programmer in one of the servers i was active but not main chatters in said "rotating [warren] lore in my head" after i said something not notable other than the phrase "turned-puppygirl friend" (doesnt everyone have those?). at least 24, probably like 26+ year old directly taking interest in my life nice. i vc in migration server for quite the number of hours now. online friends who visited me, sorry! (only 2 friends know the link to this journal, and they arent in that group and they havent looked at it for more than 2 weeks in total from when i sent the link based off their lack of info in about what ive been doing in our conversations over years)

damn the journal portion deletion hit me too. thankfully i downloaded what was lost beforehand.

2024-02-01

feed me strawberry hospital-style arpeggios! im trying to get more into trance because of strawberry hospital, and i remember enjoying some halozy trance, but in 2021 i listened to a good chunk of a state of trance 1000, a compilation mixed by armin van buuren, and it sucked. i also dont like virtual self

2024-01-31

god i was so booked today. usually i get 200-300 scrobbles a day with at least like 170 by now. but i only have 94 today and i started scrobbling at 7am.

nooo my 2 dm warriors are failing me

a lot of the interactions with her that i have, i kinda justify them by thinking of the times ive done them with other friends including when theyre basic things. like when she never texted first, id text her merry whatever holiday... then she finally texted first on new years. ive pet my friends' heads before, 5 people just this month (1 irl, 4 online) but before then, 0 since summer 2022.

2024-01-30

i have a perfect line now

2024-01-29

im going to kms i found my lost id -__-

ok if i set the date range to any range that is not the default alltime, but still contains all my scrobbles, i get the api number. alltime library view is literally inventing scrobbles

2024-01-28

this has also been happening to my other artists, it has been inflating my scrobble counts. but summing the scrobbles of the date ranges is still accurate

i made 2 playlists, one streaming, one local, that perfectly enacts my plan and i have finished off the first artist i needed to fix but last.fm is lying to me. at the end of last year, i knew i had 1999 scrobbles of my 2nd top artist. and i knew because i noticed the pattern 2111 1999 (1858, which i changed) 1666. but this year when checking that artist it had 1996 at the end of 2023 and had 1998 prior to putting my plan into action (needed 2017 scrobbles). but consistently 1998 on lastfm website and api calls so i thought that was the number lastfm would use. but after finishing that artist, i had 2020 scrobbles even though i only scrobbled 19 times up from 1998. then i summed everything up to the end of 2023 (1996) + everything from 2024 (21) and yeah i should have 2017 scrobbles, but last.fm is secretly uneliding the 3 elided scrobbles. it is trolling me i cant have a perfect line :(. then when i directly click on the artist to get to the artist page it says i have 2018. while still consistently showing 2020 on the library page. this is so messed up

i kept thinking about how im in an algorithm design class and i actually had to design something for my own purposes without any principles guiding me. i kept thinking in calculus terms because i wanted the 2nd derivative to be 0 and that stunlocked me

lmao i hopped in a migration server's vc for the first time to get help from the programmers on how to optimize the amount of scrobbles i need to make in order to get X amount of artists linear. one suggested something and i did it, and the answer was the first valid slope so goated. coded something up and now i will enact my plan

we werent even originally going to be lab partners because she was in a different lab section, but she switched to mine due to a change in her schedule... so happy about it

i always walk with her after lecture and end up slightly late to my next lecture because of it, but its always worth it. the 5 minutes of walk convo >>>> logistics and review. she always rejects my lowkey invitations to hang out after lab even if its to finish the lab report, due to sleep or other homework. at least i get in a solid 15 min convo on the walk back from lab, in darkness with no one around, so we can talk about trans stuff openly even though she's not out. i want to pet her hair on one of those lab walks. there's 6 more left, i will ask her during the next one.

2024-01-27

i keep thinking she doesnt enjoy me as a friend due to academic mishaps but then she keeps saying W and based to things i do

had a strange dream about maids in yuri and guts spilling, and i cant tell if its my brain rewriting things to make me think something in it already happened in another dream or not

for linearizing my top artists, i am done with the first artist, and it took 835 scrobbles to get them to fill in the gap. i finished earlier today. then the other artist i needed like 200 but now i need 120

2024-01-25

she complimented music i made bros am i in. if a gy!be fan really likes your music are you goated with the sauce

when she checked my lastfm profile in lab we had 96% compatibility but now it's 87% lol. i think lastfm compatibility is just based on a recent window. a few mins before this, the guy next to us asked if we were talking about last.fm

2024-01-24

i can save you brainwormed computer engineering boymoder i can save you

my top 12 artists now pretty much decrease in scrobble count linearly, from 2.1k to 880 basically. i have to get 730+200 scrobbles to get it to fully step down linearly since i actually have 1 200 scrobble gap instead of pure ~100s

2024-01-23

i introduced weatherday to a friend who read sputnik sweetheart and the only things they listen to now are glass beach and weatherday yay

i never asked for any of the measurement data she gave me, she just told me them or consciously chose to include them in things she sent me lmao.

my h-index is finally 147. rejoicing. i was at 113 in the middle of december. the gap is actually 147-109 for now instead of 147-108 because i want to get the artist i had at 108 off my top 150 artists, and idk if i wanna listen to the artists im using to derank that 108scrob artist over 40 times in a short span of time. long term i'm willing

2024-01-22

it feels so bad that i missed the first application season. i feel so bad

honestly. my resume isnt even that bad, i just needed to remove the dates of when i made my last projects. im going to die, i couldve gotten a job. i want a job. i want a job! my mental block and concussy messed me the fuck up. i missed my chance, fuck,

like my resume is kinda comparable to my lab partner's and she got a crazy offer

and her weight and height..

wait i joked about how giving me her hormone levels was as intimate as giving me bwh measurements but she legit sent me her bwh measurements the other day

i did a lot of work yesterday but not in a way that matters academically and i didnt apply to any positions but i did a lot of work and thats what matters. i have a programmatically-generated playlist of 2000 new artists to increase my artist count, and also some api functions that will help with the other goals i had in mind. it is not in the language i wanted to write in but at least i have the playlist now and the code for the playlists.

3 people dm me about wild shit now it's hype

2024-01-21

today might actually be the day i put project ideas into action

2024-01-20

the situation is: page 1 of my scrobbles ranges from a few thousand to 250. page 2 ranges from 250 to 150. page 3 almost exclusively ranges from 150 to 147. compare with a friend with a naturally developed h-index that is 5 above mine: page 1 of their scrobbles ranges from a few thousand to 400. page 2 of their scrobbles ranges from 400 to 200. page 3 ranges from 200 to 140.

its so joever for my internship aspirations

its crazy how i got to this point of friendship, all i knew beforehand was she shared my major and we had some overlapping music taste.

2024-01-18

if we were at like 3-4 friendship hearts before, i definitely bumped it up at least 2 hearts today. 190 dms today after already hanging out in lab for hours. thats so many. no previous day has come close to that.

obsidian wreath album cover is very similar to edema ruh's

out of all people ive been interested in, ive gotten closer to her than i did any of the rest. never consistently texted any of them even with that 1-3 day gap, never got that level of self-disclosure, i did get one to listen to music on their own tho. i still wanna hang out beyond class even tho for all hours of that class im beside her.

2024-01-17

im not into her anymore but there is a part of my brain still into her and generally my brain still wants a gf. but im too busy for one, i dont wanna go on dating apps, dont think id be successful, and i dont want to actually procure a partner for the sake of having a partner. like i wanna hug someone but i can only think of her as an option because i havent been interested in anyone for a while but im not into her but i wanna hug someone and i can only think of her

2024-01-16

yay 146-108

2024-01-15

my listening statistics is just numbers but im addicted to watching them slowly increase over days. currently at 139-108, 79 scrobbles until i get 146-108.

almost done with my queue (31 songs left) and the original queue was around 350. rn i have a 137-108 gap that is trivially converted to 139-108 gap and 145-108 is also possible in a day

had brunch and visited something interesting with some 4th years/grad students, it's interesting being the youngest at some hangouts. cuz the 2nd day of the shitpost exam someone was doing asl hw, someone else wrote ASL? on the whiteboard. i wrote down mine, playing it straight, then the other people wrote 22 (and didnt play some questions straight), damn. the first day my lab partner was there, idk if she precedes me or follows me in age but we're the same year so it felt more balanced.

2024-01-13

it makes sense but i find it so weird that im the only one in her main(?) friend group that knows she's a girl. like she's spent way more hours with them than me, yet i know... i haven't not used he/him irl for her but i keep slipping up mentally (by using she/her) when thinking of sentences involving her to say to people

i have like 300 songs queued to get my 25 artists at 135 scrobbles to 146+ while also listening to full albums, though interleaved, at the same time. this doesnt even account for the artists between 136-145 scrobbles. h-index really is a long term statistic. i want to queue the unaccounted artists to actually get my h-index to 146 but i dont love a good chunk of the artists, only like. so i interleave different artists when that's the case, but it's super annoying to do when i have to navigate hundreds of songs

135-108 gap

2024-01-10

so i had 111 cocteau twins scrobbles and didnt feel like upping them, even though they have been the theoretically easiest to increase to above my h-index, because i didnt really enjoy heaven or las vegas or assorted tracks. listened to treasure and for the first few songs i thought "this is trash" even with lorelei being ok, but pandora hit, and i liked pandora when i first heard it but didnt add it to my playlist back then.then aloysius hit.then donimo hit. so treasure is ok in my book. in a few moments, the one-artist gap due to h-index grinding will be from 133 to 110. 38 musicians in the 133-138 scrobble range...

also one of my online friends caught feelings for me after hanging out irl (got over it tho and in a long-term relationship) so i guess i do have game. i was planning to ask out lab partner within 2 weeks, probably will change, ill just see how course interaction pans out until then

sitting together at lecture went well. i helped the people next to me, in the same row, on a problem and they asked me what lab i was in and if i had a lab partner, trying to swoop me up but i said i have a lab partner. i did not say anything beyond that, not mentioning it was the person right next to me also in the same row lmao. we walked out of class together and guy with a brother named warren saw me, apparently also taking this class.

he was playing risk of rain returns. i forget that rabi ribi has projectiles everywhere, that is the whole point of rabi ribi

2024-01-09

i swear this guy is playing rabi ribi in class

need to spec into usernames/display names that begin with special symbols to broaden my alphabet. talking [this], .this, ><>, ^_^, etc. i just need 8 to finish off alphanumeric, but another 9 if i want to have all alphanumeric wildcards

do NOT develop scripts to find the best internal campus urls to trawl such that you can go to funny pages on the huge wayfinding displays, exploiting the fact they just run windows 7 on them. they allow one to go to internal urls, and 1 external domain linked internally, so one can reach twitter and just browse but they cant escape from there. it also times out the browser capability if you reach youtube, mailto: functionality, etc but i havent found the exact boundaries yet.

2024-01-08

i slept enough today, for once, and i took some caffeine chocolate but i still feel so sleepy. caffeine does pretty much nothing for me but i want to at least try to stay up. as i need to be awake for the next 8 hours. at least i locked in. i am happy with my locking in, i read quite the number of chapters and learned a lot about memory management and closures...

and they were lab partners...

2024-01-07

i kinda locked in :)

i enjoy the aberration in my library/artists, where i have 30 artists in the 127-133 scrobble range, but the next highest artist scrobbles is 111 and then the gaps between scrobbles under that is 0-3. i think this 16scrobble gap wont decrease because the incentive to move artists around 100 scrobbles to a scrobble count above my h-index is higher than the incentive to make my gaps look natural.

2024-01-06

just woke up from my 2nd nap, maybe i can lock in now

refreshing my knowledge of ddg bangs, my mental bang repository is definitely out of date by 4 years at least, not being efficient wrt the sites i go on. all i do is !g and !ud to keep up with the times

why is so much music releasing on january 19

it'd be pretty cool of me to lock in

3hrs later, woke up from my nap i have to lock in or else

im too sleepy to lock in

lockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockin

need to lock in on this project lockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockinlockin

we are lab partners now

i might become lab partners with the person im interested in

i was surprised at how much people liked helltaker despite its short length. i remember playing it within the first few days it came out and not thinking much of it, easy puzzles, but fanart exploded and to this day i still see people making art of the girls. i read monotone blue today and the online response feels the same way. it's 10 short chapters, doesn't linger as long as fujimoto's oneshots

2024-01-05

got 4 uppies today, one of them was a hug that turned into uppies. so goated. my friends are gone now, hung out for 1.5 hours. i thought out of state travel would make them want to see extravagant things but it was pretty much regular hangouts at regular places, only got 2 tickets for attractions, were $12 and $16

that was my first hugs since 2022 i think, first uppies, first time at a bunch of attractions

hung out with online friends irl for 14 hours today

2024-01-04

what the fuck the bus' led display said a street that wasnt on the list of stops and that made me so scared that i was on the opposite direction bus. i fiend the fear resulting from no gps.

the streets are completely empty

im like nilered if instead of sanding gold bars, he whittled away at weirdly obstinate tape residue on a julie poster with a boxcutter. because ive been meticulously doing this for hours. 3/4 pieces done. the first one i fucked up by trying to use my nails in addition to the boxcutter. made the poster bulge as well as rip like 3cm x 3cm x 0.1cm of paper from the back but the next 2 removals came out decent. when a solid 6cm x 4cm x 0.5cm piece of tape residue gets removed, the resultant fluffy/stringy torn up piece looks so much smaller

ever since my friends gave me a miku poster, ive been spending a while looking for my double-sided tape i bought 4 years ago and never opened, since i know i brought it here and remember seeing it when i was here. all my big bags and containers. then i checked my small backpack and felt a round flat shape on the back face. so i opened the 2 pockets on the back face, one inner one outer. it was the single thing in the outer back pocket. weird place

in just 3 days i added 2 hours to my playlist which may actually be my highest non-previously-known-tracks add. this wasnt as hard as the previous 65 songs because there are 10-20min songs in the mix.

hmm abriction > sadness but life (a project by the sadness musician) = abriction

god, in 3 days of 2024 i already hit 5% of the total scrobbles i had for 2023 (up to 388 scrobbles a day). and i didnt even listen to music for 9 afternoon hours of the 3rd day.

2024-01-03

i dont understand how abriction gets those warm, full screaming vocals. does she pitch anything down or formant shift

hung out with online friends irl for the first time today. they flew out here. 4hours hangout. they were really surprised at me because my mic is shit and they never saw what i looked like but i knew how they all looked and their voices were also the same as online. i juggled successfully at least 20 times in front of them

abriction clears sadness

i kinda like the sunbather remaster, will listen to it more and compare with original. i didnt like the original

eyebags have developed rip. i cant do anything to get a full 8, i always get 3 hours with periodic 10min-1hr naps and i cant improve it

wtf i can 3-ball cascade correctly now.

2024-01-02

i was looking for my friends' opinions on something but i found insane receipts from 2 years ago foreshadowing what was to happen, lol wtf. why was i so meticulous at keeping receipts that one summer

i keep stopping myself from doing anything because my music queue isn't finished. the hack i mentioned didn't change my mind's fuctionality

straightfaced scrolling someone ive never talked to's twitter, seeing them asking for a word for [phrase], immediately hopping on cohost anonymous asks and giving them the word. the word is oeuvre. i forgot tumblr existed for a good minute. the sum of all ask.fm, retrospring, curiouscat, cohost, tumblr anon asks ive made over the years is probably 4-5. all to people ive never talked to, that's pretty much the only way i broke my lurking for years.

bubbles are great because instead of just staring at a wall and listening to music for hours, i can blow bubbles, watch their interactions, stare at a wall, AND listen to music for hours

i think the hack is to turn my project into a music statistics project so i feel like doing it

because she sent a :D today for the first time in a while along with being really proactive this time in starting and continuing the convo, which hasnt been the case for a month, but that made it even sweeter

dying of happiness the next time she sends me a :D

2024-01-01

i threw away my sponge because i couldnt wash off the grime, i thought i had a second sponge but that was my second sponge Skull Skull

in just 1 month i added 4 hours to my playlist, so approximately 60 4-min songs. this is probably one of my highest adds/time throughout its entire existence.

2023-12-31

this will be my first new year's spent with another family. i get to do jigsaw puzzles :3. most of my hissing fauna listens were probably during jigsaw gaming

its pretty funny listening to the music the girls like in the guy she wasnt interested in wasn't a guy at all, because theyre like "this is hype, i want you to listen to this, this is so good, she's playing this for me :0" but actually the music doesnt sound good to me (just listened to caring is creepy). mitsuki has nice rocker fashion despite it

i did program today but it was entirely in service of music listening and increasing various music statistics :skull:

i wanted to work on my project but i could only play tetris and listen to music.

was chilling in second life comiket just now. i was clicking many objects, i hope the other attendees didnt see the object spam in chat.. no translate button so i couldnt tell

my opening act of war on the yuri/yaoi wall has been recognized as quite good by the opponent. take that, sucker. she kept calling it mid when i first wrote it and now she looped all the way around, trying to justify her old opinion by saying she was coping

2023-12-30

writing & in such a way that it looks more like a ligature of e and t. it would entail curving the straight part to replicate the curve of an "e", and lifting the bottom left to create a more even "t"

it can listen to this ep 47 times if it listens for 16 hours straight. however, the middle 2 tracks arent that good so it will listen to the abridged ep 77 times

2023-12-29

how is joe still not done with his witcher 3 video. like a while back he said hed delete his youtube channel if he didnt release it by the end of the year, then a week ago or two he made a post saying the ultimatum was successful, he was pretty much done with the lowest category of video progress being 80% done. but wheres the video joe

i was at a certain train station with my friend twice yesterday and all i could think of was how a month ago me and the person im interested in made a mad dash across one side to the other, through the long underpass. but walked back, thinking the last night train passed, so we missed the train

i keep sleeping at a normal time, waking 3 hours later, and feeling like i had a full refreshing sleep, not being able to go back

2023-12-28

heccra - fox holds the same place in my mind as brave little abacus - untitled (cont.). both are about heartfelt about how they ruined their chances with someone, open with a scene of the moon, and very ornamental emo

i recently listened to "the one with the wurlitzer" for the first time in months and i was captivated by how i inadvertently configured ableton soft organ to sound exactly like that for my music homework a month ago. wurlitzers sound so cute

how has no one online complained about /etc/apt/sources.list.d/ having fucking example lists that prevent you from upgrading your release. it kept preventing me from upgrading because it couldnt fetch example.com/apt and i was trying to figure out how the fuck that was even on my list of repositories as it wasnt in the main sources.list

2023-12-27

my friend spent 4 hours trying to do the nyt letterboxed (the one that wants you to get it in 4), made me do it on their phone, i got it in 30 seconds or so and they got so fucking mad at me. i have never played letterboxed before.

and i guess the yaoi/yuri wall was crazy in that, in theory it was just randomass people fighting over yuri and yaoi. but the most recent update, the two soldiers picnicked, awaiting bunnies, then arrived at the wall and wrote on it together. but in fact the yaoi soldier never believed in yaoi, rates it 0/10, straight 1/10, yuri 10/10. so they let the yuri soldier win, for now. but will probably continue the yaoi soldier act for the bit. in reality it was just me and my friend and my friend knew it was me all along but i didnt know it was them.

i mean i guess if i spread myself over a number of tiny online communities id be bound to meet ppl irl who were in one of them, its just crazy to me tho

lolol why is my school lowkey goated. someone here was gonna join the 30-entry vn competition i joined, someone else was in a rly niche online cover band i once showed to my highschool classmate, someone is mutuals with small artist ive been following for years, someone exclusively speedran the one small game i soeedran

gingerbread house building inviter sent and deleted a message about wanting to approach me about an offer to live at their building but its kinda expensive

if my brain doesnt wanna program by god just let me secure a house

i love asking questions, rolling dice (sum above 7 means the answer is in my favor), and having the opposite happen because of course, it's just dice

i want to lock in on a house

me and my friend learned more about the machine through a guided explanation by the Goat. we were blowing bubbles and bouncing a tiny ball as we waited. when the guy came up to the machine he was like im waiting for someone and we had to clarify that I'm the person. he thought we were like student workers to be trained on the machine but we clarified we're just interested and i think he thinks we're just fucking insane

im genuinely so fucking obsessed with looking at my last.fm library/artists?page=3. why do i care so much about getting my h-index up it is clearly a long term statistic but im trying to increase it a lot just in 1 day.

spotify silently deletes its official playlists. i mostly dont listen to them but i noticed "pov: you borrowed an alien's headphones" was gone

honestly my playlist im using to increase my h-index is pretty good. im not huge on playlists or rotations but needing to increase a focused, semi-random collection of artist scrobbles knowing you should only put in the best songs makes for a unique chillness. cuz i usually just listen to whatevers in my collection of enjoyed songs, or albums, which arent that good. then my few normal playlist ideas are just genre-theme