mood swings; instability

holy fucking hell y'all am I unstable right now? My mood has been swinging from extreme to extreme daily.

Friday I felt normal, perfectly fine. Saturday I wished for nothing but death. Sunday I was middling but manageable. Yesterday I wanted to die and it took literally every ounce of my being to pull me into a position where I wouldn't. And today I'm fucking fine again?!

This fucking sucks. This is unsustainable and entirely unmanageable? What am I supposed to do? I've got an appointment to seek out some medication? But why am I this unstable? What the fuck is going on? This sucks. gah!

GAH!

I just wish I knew why I was struggling this way? What is making every day a roll of the dice for what strange self destructive mood I am going to be in? And on a 7 or 8 (this is a d8 keep up) I get the chance to be fucking happy?

I hate this

— Steph