The Great Unwinding

Since around the time this pandemic began, I have been either writing or distracting myself from having to write my dissertation. Well, the deed is done, and I am finally, after seven long years of graduate school, a DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY IN EDUCATION! For the past couple weeks I haven't done anything academic or even done any serious "work," and it has been...weird. The final month of working on my paper was especially tense (on top of having a newborn in our house, no less!), and so the process of unwinding and adjusting to a "normal" pace of life has taken some time.

Especially over the last couple of months, I had so many projects I was looking forward to working on once I finished my paper, but now that I have the time to actually work on them...I don't! The days have all been FULL days, and once the evening rolls around, I am either ready to sleep with the kids, or I just end up writing in my journal or reading a book for a while. Sometimes I just sit and listen to the sounds of the boiler pumping hot water through the floor.

My mom has been staying with us for the last few days after quarantining in a hotel for over a week. Now that she is here, I am finally starting to allow myself to relax. Time moves at a pace that makes sense now. Breakfast takes all morning! Lunch is just a concept. Time is measured by whether we are drinking coffee or wine. We have just been laughing and playing and cooking and just enjoying being together, and it has been wonderful. She doesn't know what a hack philosopher I am, but she is just so ecstatic and proud of me.

I am trying to inch my way toward a rhythm where I can start to chip away at all the fun projects I have put on hold over the past few months. I am easing myself into it. I started with some overdue chores--deep cleaning parts of the house, reorganization, etc.--reading unread books off our bookshelves, and investing energy into playtime, cooking, and other immediately gratifying activities. I am edging toward more abstract and long-term projects, like an album of songs I've been writing while the kids play in the tub, or all the programming projects I've been putting off. It's hard to just jump into anything right now.

Now that I enjoy an unprecedented level of virtual freedom, I feel kind of paralyzed! My strategy is to start by cleaning up my virtual spaces around the internet and putting some energy into being more active on the pubnices I frequent. They have been havens for me throughout the process of writing my thesis, and seizing the opportunity to be more present and creative in those spaces seems like a good way to gain some inspiration and build momentum for the things I'd like to start working on after this epic unwinding phase.

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