# The Girl who Saved the World
...is who I wish I could be. The world's on fire. That Iowa election sure was
a thing. Homeless people roam the streets, desparate for just some stability so
they can readjust their life. People are incarcerated for frankly bullshit
crimes. Nobody knows ASL. People with abusive parents have nowhere to go to be
safe. Transphobia, homophobia, racism, sexism, all things some people are.
People who have to take daily medications are inherently at a financial dis-
advantage compared to those who don't. Disabled people with no support can't
live a happy or comfortable life.
I see these things. I go out of my way to learn about these things. I'm having
a conversation with a deaf friend of mine about the injustices of being deaf as
I'm typing this. I'm not blind to the state of the world. My friends are victims
of the current state of society. So am I, to a lesser extent. (Thankfully I've
still got some strong forwards momenteum with my career. I'm close to landing
an internship this summer!)
I fear nobody else sees these things. And that I'm one of the few people who
gives enough of a damn to *try* to do something. ...well okay that's probably
rude of me to say. But also, I'm thinking back to the time I went with my friend
to an exhibit he was helping with on art by prisoners. And hearing stories there
about how getting art supplies or time to make art was almost impossible, and
seeing how good the sculptures and paintings were, and understanding that these
people who probably had long learned their lesson are stuck in there, miserable,
along, and just wanting to make some damn art. And yeah, that weighed down on me
for a while.
Here I am, barely able to take care of my own life, and I feel guilty for not
being able to handle the weight of the world. I want to learn ASL, I want to
volunteer at my library, I want to work at my food bank, I want to write web
articles about different life experiences and disabilities and such and what
they are and how they work and why they're valid and just...
I'm sorry. I just learned that "audism", discrimination against deaf people, is
a thing. Why is that a thing. Why is that a fucking thing? Why is it that people
let other people starve on the street because their magic number wasn't large
enough? Why do we hate people purely for being different, instead of welcoming
that difference with curiosity and inclusion? This genuinely makes no fucking
sense to me.
I was going to segue to something about Soul Void [1], and the Seeker character
in that. Play it, it's free, but [SPOILER ALERT!] you're a girl stuck in some
zone where tortured souls just kinda get trapped between here and the afterlife.
You, in your kindness, try to help as many distraught souls as you can. Make
them happy, or at least at peace. A major character in this game is the Seeker.
He's a lot like, well, me. And a bit like the player character. He's a self-
described empath. He cares deeply about how people feel, and he cannot stand to
see anyone in pain. He walked around the soul void for ages with his notebook,
writing down observations and trying to help where he could. But he always
feared he wasn't helping enough. You see, he died when he tried to save a family
from a burning car wreck. Nobody survived. The memory of that haunts him. He
would not feel at peace unless he knew he did everything in his power to fix the
injustices he saw. Towards the end of the game, after you face off against the
big bad who's destroying the void, you find him completely broken down. Afraid
that he failed, failed, failed. That he couldn't save anyone. And you come along
and just.. thank him. For caring. And trying his best. And he appreciates that.
And you wake up from your suicide attempt. And you're ready to take on the world
and make it a better place, like you did the soul void.
That is rather uplifting, possibly. I've been told by my friends time and time
agian that just being me, and caring about these things, and wanting them fixed,
and doing everything in my limited power to fix them, makes me a very, *very*
good person. I've gotten several emails now thanking me for my ADHD article. I
have genuinely changed lives for the better, just by being me. Being on the
right side of history is enough. Healing myself now so I can fight back better
and stronger later is a good idea. Learning about myself and bettering myself
and working through my past is a good action. All these problems are not my
fault, and I'm really not alone in fighting them. My time will come soon, but
for now just making sure I'm at my best is enough. And even if the unspeakable
happens, humanity will adapt.
I just.. yes, all that is true. I can't over-exert myself or else I'll be
pouring from an empty cup. But also, I cannot tolerate injustice. I hate, HATE
seeing people suffer. It's... urgh. I keep rereading the Park City manifesto
on the front page. The one I wrote. There is no obligation to look busy. You are
always enough. We learn, grow, forgive. And, yes, those are important qualities,
but I.. just.. does it *help* people? Does "being thoughtful" end homelessness?
I don't know. It's late. I guess I'll continue my existensial crisis in the
morning. I... I just wish I could do more to help.
[1]: https://kadabura.itch.io/soul-void
gemini://park-city.club:1965/~invis/phlog/015-the-girl-who-saved-the-world.txt