< Parental instincts, I guess?

~locha

You probably have it in you. I did too, for all of my youth, despite being a man. In my late thirties, I went (by mistake) a storytelling event attended by toddlers, at some point, I had to leave because I was just bawling. But still, I was surprised by how intensely my daughter's birth affected me. One of the nurse told us "my and my partner, we love our kids a lot more than each other". Not something we like to say, and besides it's too different to be really comparable, but yeah. There is such a thing as falling in love, but I think it best applies to filial love.

I love when she comes in my room to wake me up, even if it's 6 am and I went to bed at 2. I love when she comes to get me insisting we play together, even if I have to cook or do some other chore. I love when she's quietly doing her thing, and I love when she's jumping around and singing loudly. I certainly don't mind rocking her for hours when it's necessary.

In philosophy, now that we have more women in the profession, there's a new concept tailor-made for the experience of having a child: transformative experience. And the hallmark is that, because it transforms you to the point that it reshapes your values and priorities, you cannot determine, from the perspective of someone who's before the transformation, if it's a good or a bad thing, because your counterfactual future selves have different sets of values.

That's how intense it is. We have to create a new moral concept to account for it.

So, from my perspective, having gone through the transformation, 100% worth it. But it took a huge toll on my sleep and energy, and forced me to do things that really don't fit with my other values (buy a house that I couldn't afford alone, take a corporate job that's not very fulfilling).

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~aei wrote (thread):

Thanks for the reply, It is really sweet re-reading it through the day. I know how difficult it can go, at least what I have heard from my parents and other relatives.

I can't help but feel it's quite early to think about this stuff. I am still 18, I am a bit too young to think about this stuff, I have a lot more to take care of, and judging by the reactions of those around my age to my recent thoughts, it doesn't seem like anyone is interested in something like that.

I'll hold these thoughts away though, at least for now. I know I'll need them later.