< loneliness in the presence of company

~george

This isn't the last chapter.

I'm 49 but I'm slow to realise stuff... I have completely switched friends in the last two years.

And yes, it's really hard to make new friends. But over time I have found people who understand me. Or if they don't understand me, they accept me. But what they always do is uplift, celebrate and support me.

I've ditched so many friends who really didn't get me, who didn't _hear_ me. Friends who judged or mocked my individualism.

I now have three GOOD friends and have basically ditched all the rest. I haven't fallen out with them. If I see them I say "hi", I be civil and polite. Bit I don't for one minute think about opening up to them, being vulnerable. They don't know how to handle that vulnerability.

I really don't know who is around YOU, but please know it can get better. There ARE people who can understand you, accept you, uplift you, celebrate you, and support you.

I'm in a relationship where I am not heard and I have made the decision to split up. I would rather BE alone than FEEL alone in a relationship.

I get you. I totally hear where you are coming from. I know the inner critic tells you why an unworthy loser you are, but it's a LIAR. You are worthy (not that you will believe me... I know how strong that critic voice is).

Maybe look up Pete Walkers list of "14 Attacks of the Inner Critic". It was life changing when I read that list. I started to realise that all those those feelings were false. I made it my full time job for the last year or so to shrink that hateful voice within me... to no longer listen to it and believe it.

"Screw you" I say to my inner critic.

Good luck. You are loved. You are worthy. No matter how hard this is (and believe me, I know how hard it is) it is possible to come through it... A future of thriving is possible. (And no... there's nothing "wrong" with you if you can't see that future right now... you, the DEEP DOWN YOU is absolutely okay and always has been... there is simply a huge layer of crap sitting on top of the real you that needs to be washed off through awareness, through time, through self acceptance and self love. You are a beautiful unique soul and one day you will be allowed to shine through...)

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