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Fuck our time.
In order to defend some people, we put down others.
I hate our time.
This time creates a lot of insecurity by trying to destroy other problems.
I run away from our time.
I am afraid to have no purpose on Earth.
I am afraid that I will not be heard because today we can all speak up and that makes it meaningless.
The more I learn, the more I feel lost.
The greater the number, the less important is the singularity.
Today I don't want to die anymore but I don't want anything. I am empty. No desire, no happiness, no sadness.
After each big choice in my life, I used to say "Alea jacta est"... But what if the dices have been thrown for a long time ? What if everything we were living was already determined since the origin of our universe ? Then what is the point of suffering ? We would have only a semblance of free will ? I don't know and in the end it's better this way because without these doubts I would be nothing.
I have been in a similar state a lengthy time ago, so I feel obliged to point out a few things:
2 a.m. seems like too late at night. Get enough sleep! Seriously.
Don't stare at the screen with "The Numbers". I do look at the numbers once a day. Although falling quite rapidly they are still too high for my taste, but that is not important here. I learned this a long ago when two airliners knocked down world trade center in New York. For days I was glued to the telly. Then I realized, the news channels don't know much, they keep replaying the same song like a prayer mill. I switched the telly off. AND I never switched it back on.
As V. Hugo apparently phrased it: "There might have been nicer times, but these times are ours!" Yes these current times are awkward, however, they are extremely interesting as well. They will not last forever (I know this after 50+ years, trust me :) Many things will return from "before", but it will not be the same. Tiny example: in the cafeteria, the tables for 6 will not see 6 people any time soon. 4 at most. 6 is going to be too cozy by now. Before covid19 we were sitting much closer. Not interesting? Hmmm.
Don't forget: "The sun is shining for you as well!"
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