Midnight Pub

disability isolation

~beefox

My pain in the last few months has been a lot and that has meant i've been able to do less and less. today especially i am feeling really isolated from the world.

even leaving my room is a lot of energy so i have seen the outside of my room. once today? when i got breakfast.

right now with many of my online friends asleep due to timezones, and the ones who aren't asleep due to timezones are busy. and i feel really alone!

i did manage to confirm my appointment with a pain specialist but its not till september (and it was already a 9 month wait to even get confirmation of the appointment). i tried with my gp to "break the cycle" but it didn't do it and i don't want to take opiods 4-6 times a day for at least 8 months. i try and limit myself to two tablets a day.

I don't like to be negative but my pain at the moment is just so much that its hard to think positivily.

It probably doesn't help that i've been watching a bunch of video essays and documentries about sad stuff, but i do like the sort of attention detox it has been. they are quiet, they don't try and constantly scream for your attention, its 40 minutes to 3 hours of just learning about a topic, which i do enjoy.

I also wanted to write today but i want it to be interactive however twine doesn't quite meet my needs. if anyone knows of a system that can sort of emulate a terminal in your browser, then i could write the story in something like javascript or something, that would be cool.

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~zampano wrote (thread):

I can relate at least to a degree. Thankfully there's nothing physically wrong with me, it's all mental. And it's not even like severe depression or anything like that. I just go around feeling disconnected from the world, even when I'm ostensibly out in it. At the least, social interaction just takes so much energy that it's not something I can do for extended periods, and ADHD means that I have a hard time putting the work in to maintaining relationships a lot of the time. Plus a lot of other people are boring. Plus we all have 8 million things vying for our attention and time.

This is still something I'm trying to figure out, so unfortunately can't go any further than this.

Regarding the twine-like thing, what is it exactly that you want to be able to do that a simple text editor can't?

~sugar wrote (thread):

i've been super feeling this lately too. my pain is just relegated to my hands, but the chronic fatigue part of my disabilities are making it impossible to have a life, or friends, or partners. it's all so much of a struggle and it's _so lonely_. I'm so sorry, this is all to say.. I deeply understand 💕💔