gemini://midnight.pub/posts/1441

I really do miss writing. For whatever reason I've been in a major dry spell for the last several months, and it's hard to understand. Self-doubt is likely contributing, but that's always been there, and it doesn't seem like it's any worse these days than at any other point.

There's certainly a degree of "what" involved (as in, what I want to write about). On the one hand, I was bolstered recently by a quote from Alan Moore (he of many great comic books), that a writer's job isn't to tell people what to think, but rather to make them think. At the least, I'm encouraged by the idea that I don't necessarily have to figure out a problem to talk about it, especially since so many solutions (that I can come up with, at least) boil down to "be less terrible."

Still, I find myself more and more often simply saying "I don't actually care" whenever something comes across my radar. These days, whenever I scroll (logged out) the front page of reddit, I just move past everything but the odd meme on /r/grimdank or /r/programmerhumor. Watching crypto crash and burn has been kinda funny, especially in terms of a bunch of libertarians stumbling across the reasons for regulation that the rest of society figured out 200 years ago.

To be clear, I have come across the odd bit of entertainment online. For example, there's a case currently active in U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York where one of the lawyers submitted a pleading that was written by ChatGPT. The ensuing kerfluffle has been entertaining to watch, especially when he doubled-down and submitted portions of the "cases" that were cited (many of which do not actually exist).¹ While this kind of thing is funny, it's not exactly fodder for saying much. I really don't know how people who write consistently manage it, or at least those who avoid cranking out nothing but stupid hot takes.²

I'd like to get better at writing more long-form things, which in my case is mostly (or at least initially) about coming back to something after a first session. This is much harder than I'd like, mainly because of how many other now-more-interesting things there are at any given time. I also find that whatever self-doubts or doubts about the subject matter come back much harder with each return.

Then sometimes I just feel completely hopeless, like no amount of "making people think" or (God help me) "changing people's minds" will actually have a meaningful effect on the world.

~zampano, could fiction be an option for your writing? Sometimes there's just nothing left to say about what's going on in the world, but reframing your feelings within the context of a story can offer some comfort — both to you and whoever reads it.

~zampano, you bring up some good points - the pressure of writers on themselves is really not to be underestimated, myself included. Always thinking, I need to write something clever or world-changing or well-written or something about current affairs etc. etc. is really unfounded, but the habit is not easy to overcome indeed.

I also feel like ive been writing less and more afraid of writing something dumb. I think I have a tendency to be hard on myself and my past work, and I always want to be saying something new or worth it. maybe that doesnt matter, my most popular stuff is stuff I hate now and I am trying to stop focusing on the potential impact of work in favor of the work itself.

Looking out or in?

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