Midnight Pub

Would you rub the crystal ball?

~ns

Hey, ~bartender. I've somehow managed to get into absinthe. I don't know how to drink it with the sugar cube and the fire or anything, but I do like the flavor, so I'll take whatever you got.

I'm an anxious mess the last several months. The last couple weeks in particular have left me existentially exhausted. But these negative thought loops make me think a lot. Not about anything that I want to think about, but thinking nonetheless.

One of the recurring thoughts is a question: if you had a crystal ball that could tell you the exact date you would die, would you choose to rub it and get the answer?

My long-term anxiety sees every month as less than guaranteed. Sometimes I can't even take a week for granted. If I had the ball, all I would have to do is ask, and know whether or not my anxiety is well-founded...but doing so puts a countdown on the rest of my life, regardless of whether the answer is in 6 weeks or 6 decades.

And I'm not sure whether not knowing or knowing too much is the greater curse. They say there's bliss in ignorance, but nobody mentions the fear and worry in ignorance, either.

Write a reply

Replies

~ew wrote:

I definitely would not rub the crystal balls but rather dispose of them. I don't need to know everything, in order to know something.

~eaplmx wrote:

I don't have anxiety (meaning, low level and not clinical, since they say it's not binary but with gradual levels) but my wife does, and she had a whole treatment so I can talk from my side.

If you have all the answers, your mind will find other things to be anxious about. Anyway you'll want to have some certainties which has been difficult in our relationship, and more with my logical mind.

"No, I cannot guarantee everything will be alright, but I have to say that to you, since that's what you need"

That said, I'll recommend that anyone in your relationships should talk to a professional, since for people w/o anxiety is really difficult to empathize. I think it's like in my case people doesn't seem to understand how your body reacts to allergens most of the people don't. But as my wife says, at least I have a visible reaction.

~contrarian wrote:

I got some absinthe leaves to put in an infuser once.

My life is tragic so I would rub that crystal ball without hesitation. Knowing the manner of my death would be a different story however.

~tatterdemalion wrote (thread):

Good evening, ~nsilvestri! I'm also a fairly new absinthe aficionado. My understanding is that the fire is a modern gimmick, and is actually harmful to the flavor (and alcohol content). The sugar thing is simple... it's fun with special equipment, but you can do it without. Measure a shot of absinthe into your glass, put a regular slotted spoon over the glass, and put the sugar cube on the spoon. Fill a carafe with ice-water, and drip it slowly over the sugar cube until it melts into the drink, and keep dripping water until the absinthe is completely cloudy and diluted by 3-4 times. The sugar is optional according to your taste, but the water is essential...

What absinthe are you drinking? I've got Lucid, which is a little too anise-forward for me, and St. George, which is perfect, but not as lovely a color.

As for anxiety about death... I don't know. Partly it's different for me because I've lived long enough already, and I can be indifferent to death, neither wishing for it nor fearing it. For someone else, it may or may not help to remember that consciousness is an aberration, that despite the illusion of self-hood, you're really just a physical system that's part of a deterministic universe, an uncanny puppet made of meat. Think about that puppet having existential dread; isn't it ridiculous? The puppet pretending it's not only a person, but a neurotic one. Hopefully, you can have a good laugh at its predicament, while also having some compassion for it being saddled with something as MALIGNANTLY USELESS as consciousness.

~tetris wrote (thread):

True ignorance is bliss. Uncertainty is stressful. I'd rub the crystal.

As for anxiety management (I hope you're doing okay in these pressing times btw), I find it a fun exercise to try to detach from myself and consider myself part of the large amorphous human organism, and look at how it's matured over time:

* Timeline of Human Developments

* Time Timeline of the Far Future

You and I might not be around in X years, but we live on in the patchy memory of others and will be a part of the human organism that stretches out over the planet and reaches for the stars.

~inquiry wrote:

Only if it came with a certificate of authenticity so I could finally say to others hellbent on wasting my time something like, "Um, I'd love to join you in that obvious-to-anyone-with-half-a-brain time waste, but as you can see <points vigorously and exuberantly at certificate>, I don't have nearly enough time to be blowing on <whatever someone else thinks might end the world if not accomplished immediately over the next half of forever>!"

You know?

You've heard of the thief in the night, right? They could arrive before your next blink. I suspect remembering that ends countdown anxiety, the message being something like "Be here and now every here and now, 'kay?"

There's no fear/worry in the kind of profound ignorance referenced by that phrase. Yours must be some lesser, half-assed ignorance. Find a way to put both cheeks into it.

Kidding.

Sorta.

(Actually, I think the ignorance referenced by that phrase comes part and parcel with/in so-called "abiding in awareness" - as opposed to embracing the web of chains that might be described as "re-presentation-as-though-re-al". One must ignore(ance) the endless, descending fractal slope of conceptuality by turning awareness back upon itself, resting dumber-than-a-box-of-rocks blissful therein. But keep in mind that one drop of un-ignorance (i.e. a smidgen of a notion/concept) and it's blissful game over....)

(Also, "keep in mind" is bad advice, because the goal is absence of mind... but here we are seemingly in mind, so of course we're going to re-ference it as though re-al....)

<gurgling sounds>