Frank Conversations

Author: Ben <benk@tilde.team>

Wed May 18 12:07:16 PM +05 2022

I was was reading the recent discussion on deep conversation in Gemini Space. This reminded me of something I noted recently on my last trip to the US. I hadn't been to the US in over five years while I was living in Iran. For the past decade or so the general attitude I held was the the United States seems to lack some kind of cohesion has a society, that in some way rather than living in a society were were just a bunch of people that happened to be living in the same location, but the basis of our lives was not human connection, but rather our jobs or something like that. (Material possessions, and so on.)

In Iran one would get the feeling that there is more of a sense of society, and that people actually rely on each other much more, even in broader social situations where you are dealing with people or a group where you don't necessarily have strong individual bonds. That's not to say that Iran also doesn't have a rule-based or organizational structure, but rather they seem to strike some kind of a balance between the two where on the one hand I'd say the US is more biased to being organized and based on rules whereas on the opposite end of the spectrum you have a place like Tajikistan (where I live now) where unless absolutely necessary rules seemingly count for nothing and only your relation to others matters, and sometimes that's on an individual or personal level and sometimes not at all, where you just have to rely on strangers a lot.

Based on this conceptualization, I would have imagined that the US is kind of socially barren or something like that. However, one thing that stood out during my last visit was the way Americans seem to be open at the personal level, and where I must have grown accustomed to people being more private and closed off, I was a bit surprised how even totally random and brief interactions with strangers in the US resulted in the other person making some kind of a personal connection. More specifically, they will tend to be totally honest about what they are thinking or doing, even to the extent of just outright telling you the most important things going on in their life.

Judging by this aspect alone, it's tempting to come to the conclusion that maybe the US is socially healthier than the other places I lived, but I have enough experience to know that this is clearly not the case. I don't have an explanation for why Americans seem so open or eager to connect with other people. Is it actually a sign of some deeper societal dysfunction? Are Americans too lonely? Are these interpersonal interactions limited to the realm of superficiality and are a symptom of a lack of meaningful or satisfying relationships in one's private life? I don't know.

In the other countries I lied in, people seemed much more involved with their families, and the fact that their families took up all their time and energy could make wanting to socialize with people outside your family seem impractical or a waste of time. I don't have statistics or anything to back this up, so these are merely impressions and potentially mistaken ones.