viva la wednesday

kids these days are so whippersnapper-pilled

an entire generation of kids heard the phrase "sponge boy me bob" and never recovered

on 30 rock when tracy jordan says "watch your mouth before i show you the back of my hand" and "please me nice to me" is written on the back of his hand... might be the best joke of all time

my boss told me to write in active voice but she doesn't know what active voice is. she meant present tense. someone else on my team who doesn't know anything suggested a ton of edits to what i wrote. do they not realize

i love the fancy like applebees song

i am helplessly bound to the will and whim of local circuitry

just had a real life "these pretzels are making me thirsty" moment (ate some pretzels and got thirsty)

i miss my dad

coolest thing about me is that in fourth grade I was on a soccer team called the Haiku Metallic Ninjas

if i could remove one word from the english language it would be bro (which includes bruh). the boys say it too much

feels special that we get a leap day and a solar eclipse within like 40 days of each other

i have been brought to the same conclusion again and again through all my hopeless spirals and half-starts and that conclusion is this: my life will never make sense to me, at least not in any satisfying way, and so it may as well be entirely arbitrary and meaningless. and i just have to live and get through it because there are no other options. just along for the ride. I'll never have an idea so powerful that it changes the world. or maybe I will. but either way, it won't be by my design in the abstract. it will happen to me. life is only happening to me, I don't make any of it happen even though it sure does feel like I do. I'm just here to see it. see the show. and this is all part of it. it's all part of it.

i will always be a failure

imagine a rain so beautiful it must never have existed

very odd to feel completely inspired and completely discouraged simultaneously

quoth the raven, eat my shorts

social media should have an "acknowledge" button in addition to like/heart/whatever

can't sleep, clown'll eat me

is the best way to get news just by Google searching the word "news"

i think 100 grand is an extremely funny name for a candy bar.

i think comedy should not include jokes. it should just be funny without commentary

life is a run-out-the-clock situation. but not really

if I had $20 million dollars I would be the best father of all time

Santa's pants. Santa claus's pants

I believe chandler says this on friends

wondering how long I can keep this up

hoping it all comes together soon

hoping to feel crescendo catharsis again