I've always wanted to blog

And I tried it a few times. I used to have a site at 'neversaid.com' and I tried to keep on top of entries for a little while but, like most things, it didn't last.

> Who knows how long THIS will last?

Blogging is an activity that is especially well suited to those better than myself at presenting an natural image that is universally acceptable to most reasonable people. I have one dear friend who is exceptional at this, and it seems to come naturally to him. If it's not natural, it's been very well cultivated over several decades.

Now, to be fair to myself here, I'm not without skill at representation. Over the years, I've made very good progress in my career and at many pursuits where it matters a great deal how I am received. There's a very specific problem though, actually a few, which I'm going to air out in gemspace right now.

My convictions are honest and genuine

It's a good thing, too, that I'm a sweet and empathetic person who genuinely cares, and does the best he can, for those around him. One of the problems though is that some of the things I want to blog about are dissonant in my mind.

There's not much point in setting in type all the agreeable things a person has to say to people who would be foolish to disagree. That's really just masturbation for a room of eager voyeurs and that's never been a particular fetish of mine.

What I really would prefer to use blogging for is a form of therapy. I'd like to express a sparsely edited stream of consciousness to help me organize some thoughts, to connect some conclusions that help inform and broaden a cohesive worldview.

All of this flows fluidly into another problem..

Your interaction is not too important

> Don't take it the wrong way. I'm sure you're lovely. Let me explain.

Sure, I could set up a tidy little Wordpress site or a nice 'write.as' space and just leave off comments. Having tried those in the past, they make me feel too exposed, like it would be just too convenient to invite quiet loathing among strangers and casual acquaintances. See, I've been coping with anxiety and depression my entire life and one of my triggers is worrying excessively about how I'm viewed by others.

Gemspace seems a little more cozy, a little more secret. Somehow, even though this is out in the world, I feel a little more at ease here than on the big bad web.

I've tried a 'TiddlyWiki' which is also fine, and I've written enough to fill a novel in the the one I have linked to some private cloud storage. The problem with that is that although it's therapeutic, which is the ultimate goal, it's almost TOO private.

What I'm trying to say is that yes, I *do* want you to be here. I *do* want someone to read what I write and understand the message and make some observations about the person behind it. But I don't really seek the asynchronous engagement that traditional blogging seems to demand.

As anyone lurking here is surely aware, vermin about the Internet love to tear people down and toxify the spaces they occupy with vileness. Or, different but not better, some very smart but perhaps socially challenged folks live to disrupt well-considered positions in such a way that can't be simply satisfied in a few lines of trite discourse in a comment thread. Real conversation is demanded if any real traction is to be made or a genuine human connection is desired.

> But that's not what they want, is it? Well that's what I want.

-jq

Matrix: @jq:envs.net

write.as is actually kind of awesome

TiddlyWiki has a lot going for it too