The Art of Writing Textfiles

Yes, I was on lobste.rs today and yes, I found textfiles.com and yes, I thought this /particular/ text file was pretty on-brand for the whole 'experiment' of gemini.

Thought I'd provide a running commentary, from 2020 to 198?.

+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+
^+                                                                         +^
+^                       THE ART OF WRITING TEXTFILES                      ^+
^+                                                                         +^
+^                             WRITTEN BY:                                 ^+
^+                           THE BRONZE RIDER                              +^
+^                   HOME BASE:  THE PRISM BBS/AE/CF                       ^+
^+                                                                         +^
+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+^+

THIS FILE IS OBVIOUSLY ABOUT WRITING T-FILES.  TO WRITE A T-FILE, YOU NEED
THESE THINGS:

Okay, first things first. "T-files?" Why isn't that still a thing we call them? I hereby petition that we start calling all t-files t-files.

1.  YOU NEED AN APPLE //E OR //C WITH UPPER & LOWER CASE...
    (USING A II+ IS REALLY A PAIN.)  AN APPLE ISN'T NECESSARY, BUT REAL
    TEXTFILE WRITERS DONT USE ANYTHING BUT THE BEST...

It's funny how Apple still corners the market on insufferable tech-bros.

2.  YOU NEED AN 80 COLUMN CARD.

I'm guessing this is like, a punch card? I honestly don't even know.

3.  YOU NEED THE ABILITY TO STRETCH OUT WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY SO THAT
    THE FILE TAKES LONGER TO V)IEW AND TAKES UP MORE DISK SPACE.  A TEXTFILE
    SHOULD BE AT LEAST 15 SECTORS, BUT ITS BEST IF ITS OVER 20.
    EXAMPLE:

      YOU WANT TO SAY:
	  WRITING T-FILES IS A PAIN...

      IN A T-FILE YOU WOULD SAY IT LIKE THIS:
	  WRITING A TEXTFILE IS A VERY TIME-CONSUMING AND ARDUOUS TASK.
	  IT TAKES A LOT OF THOUGHT AND IS VERY WEARING ON A PERSON.  IT
	  IS NOT AT ALL EASY.
      AND THEN YOU ELABORATE ON WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

Still great advice, especially for college students.

4.  YOU NEED THE ABILITY TO LOOK AT THE SCREEN AND KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THE
    CENTER IS SO THAT YOU CAN CENTER GARBAGE.
    EX.
			       ->VVVVVVVVV<-
			       -> GARBAGE <-
			       ->^^^^^^^^^<-

    I DON'T HAVE THAT ABILITY, BUT SOMETIMES I GET LUCKY.

Here's an example of fantastic tone from The Bronze Rider. Also, how has centering stayed pretty much (a) just as hard to do and (b) just as garbagey?

5.  YOU NEED TO THE ABILITY TO MIX DIFFERENT CHARACTERS IN AN APPEALLING
    WAY TO MAKE A BORDER FOR THE TITLE.
    EX.
	+^+^+^+^+^+^+	    ><><><><><><>
	^+  HELLO  +^	    <>	HELLO  <>
	+^+^+^+^+^+^+	    ><><><><><><>

		  (^^^^^^^^^^^)
		   )  HELLO  (
		  (^^^^^^^^^^^)

	    ><L>  THE LOCKSMITH  <S><

V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V
    AND STUFF LIKE THAT.  THERE ARE A LOT MORE, BUT THEY'RE HARD TO MAKE
    ON AN APPLE II+ SINCE A II+ DOESN'T HAVE ALL THE CHARATERS ON THE
    KEYBOARD.

Proof that gemini got one thing right, at least: with full UTF at our fingertips we can have fancier borders! (The symbols still aren't on the keyboard though ... maybe on that 433%-er that was floating around?)

6.  YOU HAVE TO HAVE A LOT OF PATIEN�CE.  YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TYPE FOR
    HOURS AT A TIME.  IF YOU TYPE FAST ENOUGH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
    ABOUT THIS STEP.

Still true, though I think even more so for fast typers.

7.  IT HELPS IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE NEON KNIGHTS
    OF METALAND.
    ><> THOSE GUYS WRITE THE BEST T-FILES <><

I don't know where Metaland is, but I have a feeling it's ... 4-chan.

8.  ITS HELPFUL TO HAVE A GOOD WORD PROCESSOR, BUT AE WILL DO THE JOB GOOD
    ENOUGH.  AE HAS ONE OF THE BEST TEXT EDITORS.

I don't know what AE is, but I'm sure both vim and emacs were around when this thing was written. Why can't we use those, Bronze Rider? /Why/!?

9.  IT HELPS A LOT IF YOU ARE DRUNK AND TO HAVE MUSIC BLASTING IN YOUR EARS
    IN STEREO.	I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT THATS JUST THE WAY IT WORKS.

Still true. It's like people are basically the same as they've always been.

    WRITE A TEXT FILE AND GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE WITH A MODEM, BUT THATS
    KIND OF A PAIN.

We've definitely improved in this area, however!


NOW HERE IS A LIST OF NON-NECESSITIES:


1.  CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEEL STUPH RITE.
    SPEELINK ERRURS AR VARY COMON.

Even /more/ true now, if I do say so myself.

Fun fact: the little textbox I'm typing this into on Firefox, to post to gemlog.blue, is correcting my spelling as I type. Like, people have no excuse any more. But still. The spelling.

2.  YOU DON'T NEED A 1200 BAUD APPLE-CAT UNLESS YOU REALLY KNOW HOW  TO
    STRETCH OUT WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY.  USUALLY ANY 300 BAUD MODEM
    WILL WORK FINE.

Oh thank god. The Internet is for the Common People!

3.  YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE WRITING YOUR TEXTFILE
    ABOUT IF YOU CAN MAKE IT UP AS YOU GO ALONG.

Still true, but not even in the 2020, "News is shit now" way. Ever heard of the headlight method of novel writing?

4.  YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A -REAL PIRATE-, BUT IT HELPS.  YOU ALSO DON'T -HAVE-
    TO BE STONED, BUT IT HELPS.

Cf. the (sadly now-defunct) stoned.txt files on tilde.black. Did somebody download those before they were gone?

5.  AND YOU DEFINATELY DON'T NEED A HIGH I.Q., BUT I HEAR THAT IT HELPS.

Any more, I don't know if it /does/ help.

(^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)
 )!									   !(
(!		   CALL THESE AWESOME BBS'S, AE'S, AND CF'S...              !)
 )!									   !(
(!	 THE PRISM BBS/AE/CF 300/1200 BAUD  10 MEG ....... (201)-637-6715   !)
 )!	 THE METAL AE - PASSWORD:KILL .................... (201)-879-6668  !(
(!	 THE CORELINE BBS ................................ (201)-239-7737   !)
 )!	 THE DRAGON'S WEYR BBS  10 MEG ................... (201)-992-0834  !(
(!			LATER, THE BRONZE RIDER...			    !)
 )!				       �				    !(
(^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)

Do these numbers still even work, I wonder? Maybe when I get home I'll try calling them with ... my cellphone, lol.

-- Response ended

-- Page fetched on Fri May 3 07:55:17 2024