So back in October I (foolishly/bravely) decided to put together a christmas party for the family in the local area, and I got my BIL's girlfriend L in on it. Turns out she was fantastic to work with and we make a great team. I handled booking the space, the decor and disposables, and coordinating with everyone, and she and BIL handled the main entrees and everyone else brought sides. Pretty fair split, I think. I don't think we could have done better with the planning, and we set out determined to make sure various family members were accommodated as best as possible.

First, the SIL who lives in kenai said flat that she wasn't going to make it. She's trying new meds and she's afraid of side effects, there's going to be too many people, etc, etc. Okay, fine. On the bright side we didn't have to make sure everything was poultry and egg free. Also she's super weird and super conservative christian about what she allows her kids to play with, so it would be very hard to find activities and gifts all the kids would enjoy and be acceptable. Both the brothers tried putting pressure on her to change her mind and she wouldn't. Fine.

I really worry about SIL's kids, truly. This could have been a great socialization opportunity for them.

I told L that there was a 50/50 chance that the parents-in-law wouldn't show on the day of. They seemed excited about the party and on board at first, but MIL was never interested in planning details or said thank you or was at all complimentary about it. Never asked questions. On the one hand, I'd hate to have her micromanaging, but on the other the complete lack of interest and care was obvious. With a full 2 months before the party, I had asked her to contribute by making some fabric stocking bags for the kids and finding some of BIL's cartoon style artwork to make a coloring booklet. Something free/very low cost that they could contribute and be excited to share. MIL has been going on about getting her sewing stuff out for years, so maybe this is the little push she needs, right?

As we got into December I asked her how things were going and sent her some pictures of the venue and such. No response. BIL did have a health scare so I chalked it up to her dealing with that. But then I waited a week, tried again, nothing, so I assumed the stockings and coloring book were no-go. Now I'm getting nervous about them showing up at the party but everyone assures me that FIL keeps saying they're coming (with the caveat that the weather is good). Then it's the week before the party and absolutely no communication with her since late November. Spouse and I agreed to pick up our nephew from the airport and suddenly we hear that the PILs will be in anchorage for a medical appointment and they want to have lunch with their grandsons who have flown in for the party from Montana. Which is weird because the party is in a few days and they'll see the grandsons then, right? Why are they so hot to see them 4 days before the party? You see where I am going with this.

So a bunch of us gather at a bad chain restaurant only old people like - spouse and I, nephew and girlfriend who just came in, niece and other nephew who flew in but had been staying with niece (his sister), and the PIL. And to my non-surprise, MIL announces that she and FIL (and SIL, etc. - all 6 people I invited from Moose Pass) cannot make the christmas party. It is too draining, you see, to make the 45 minute drive and show up at a christmas party specifically planned to easily host them. There's vehicle trouble and they only have the one van. She has to go grocery shopping the day before in Seward and they will be too tired. She says this with a straight face, after making the 2 hour drive to anchorage and eating lunch in a restaurant with half the people who will be at the party. No, the party is too tiring and they are too weak and sick and they simply can't do it. No, they don't want us to rent a van and pick them up so they don't have to drive. But their grandsons should drive down to see them while they are visiting.

I cannot roll my eyes hard enough. While she's explaining this, she doesn't address me or even look in my direction. She doesn't say "sorry". She doesn't ask what we have planned. FIL just stares down at the table looking so sad and beaten. Christmas is supposed to be his favorite holiday - that's why I thought he would really enjoy the party.

I'm texting these updates to L, of course, and neither of us are shocked, but we are disappointed. We get up to leave the restaurant and niece comes over to say she's excited for the party and she's perfected her deviled eggs recipe (they were excellent). We gush about that for a bit. MIL hears us and comes over and says something about how good it is to "pass the torch" to the younger generation (maybe don't drop the thing in the fucking river before you hand it over, dingbat) and I am flat not having it. "Christmas is only one day a year," I tell her, and I turn my back and walk away.

So I'm irritated for the rest of the day, and I hiss about it to spouse on the drive back after dropping off the nephew & crew, and then I get over it. They simply do not want to come (MIL doesn't anyway - I think FIL would be there). Reasons, excuses, blah blah blah - they simply do not want to come. It's Christmas, we're having a proper nice party that we've been working on for a couple months as a gift to the family, and they don't want to come. Cool.

The following day I realize that it is sort of a Christmas gift I never knew I wanted. I no longer feel any obligation to play the role of good daughter-in-law. Their rudeness has set me free. I no longer have to remind spouse to phone them, or suggest vists, or buy presents. I no longer have to rack my brain for what food I'm going to take down there that will work with their dental issues and spice preferences. I can drop all that emotional labor. I can cheerfully decline to waste a whole day driving down there to sit in a stuffy living room getting yammered at by red hat nutters. I don't have to soft pedal her tattoo request. Hell no I'm not going to tattoo her, free or paid. This is kind of awesome. Thanks lady, you've given me a golden ticket out of your perverse obligation games. Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind.

I further realized that since all the dramallamas in the family opted out of the christmas party, I'm left with all the family members I actually like, who don't need accommodations and are excited to come. How is this a bad thing, right?

The party was great. There was a power outage in Girdwood that caused some panic because it delayed the brisket (BIL bought an electric smoker and this was his first brisket, so he was SUPER BUMMED, but we ate it later that evening and it was delicious), so that morning I had to send spouse on an emergency run to costco to get a shepherds pie and chicken pot pie as substitutes. We got delayed cooking them, so we were 30 minutes behind schedule and setup was rushed. But after that everything went fine. I forgot some stuff I wish I hadn't forgot, but all the important stuff made it. Everyone had a good time. We had an ornament painting station and an instant printer to print photos on demand, and puzzles - all of it very much enjoyed. I had thrown together a very simple triangle shaped rack (take 2 8' 1x2" furring strips, cut 19" off each end. Overlap the two 19" pieces and screw together to make one 3' short piece. Drill holes in both ends of the long pieces and the short screwed piece. When ready to assemble, thread a bolt through the holes and screw tight with a wing nut. Paint green optional. Ta-daa, christmas tree rack for like $8.) and draped it with string lights so people could clip photos to the "tree". It was very popular as a backdrop and display.

I thought I was going to get to paint ornaments and print photos and I had no time for either. I worked on a puzzle some, but mostly I was running around trying to visit with everyone and fix any issues that popped up. I barely ate. I think next year we might need a longer chunk of time. If we'd had an extra hour (and a whole hour for setup) it would have been perfect.

I made a lot of work for myself with the decor and this is where I messed up. I wish I hadn't been sick in November because I really could have used an extra week of working time. In the interests of not buying plastic garbage, I decided to make table runners out of brown paper grocery bags, and for cups and centerpieces I decided to use my brand new bottle cutter and make glass cups out of the jars and bottles I have been saving for the past year and a half. I have plenty.

Brown paper grocery bag runners: I cut the bags open, ironed them flat with a dry iron, glued them together into 10 8' runners. I cut a stencil with a mistletoe branch design and stenciled it on the bags with cheap craft paint and spouncer brushes (sponge pouncer?). Result: eh, okay. 1) the wrinkles on the bags caused more trouble than I thought. 2) the paper is low quality and ripples as it absorbs moisture, which creates separation between the stencil (dusted with spray glue for sticking power) and the paper, and the paint gets mushed in there during hand application, so the print looked a little "craft project" up close. 3) it takes a good while to cover a runner with a spouncer by hand - I had to get spouse to help me and with both of us it took about 1.5 hours to do one runner. 4) I had to cut a second stencil halfway through the project because the layers of built up paint on the stencil were causing problems. Really it would have been better to spray the paint. An airbrush would have been ideal. Faster, more efficient paint application control, not stinky like spraypaint. When/if I do this again, I might buy a roll of craft paper and use some kind of sprayed paint application. Not a terrible idea, just had some unforseen bobbles.

Cut glass cups and centerpieces: The worst part is getting all the labels and sticky adhesive off the glass. It sucks. Filling them with near-boiling water and peeling off the labels (especially non-paper labels) works well. Soak the paper labels in hot soapy water with cleaning vinegar. Then it's just scrubbing with goof off and a degreaser and using a plastic paint scraper tool and cursing. (I failed at removing printing on glass - I tried citric acid and then CLR cleaner - no luck, so I abandoned the bottles with printing.) Once I started cutting, it took a maybe a dozen jars to get the hang of the bottle cutter tool. At first my success ratio was 50% but I think by the end of the project I was pushing 80-90% success. Every once in a while one just wouldn't cooperate. Square bottles can be challenging. The limitations of the bottle cutting tool become clear. After scoring the glass with the bottle cutting tool (being careful not to overlap the cut), I put the jar on a turntable and heated the glass with a heat gun for a minute or two depending on the size. Then I plunged it in a bucket of cold water and gave it a few seconds to separate. If it didn't work the first time, usually the break had started and I just needed a little bit more with the heat gun to finish the break. Once I had enough jars and bottles cut, I moved on to sanding the rims. Turns out, the stuff I bought based on the youtubes I first watched didn't end up working well. I had to watch more youtubes and then I figured out I needed wet/dry sandpaper. Fortunately I had a pack of assorted grits I got off amazon because the local stores don't seem to carry anything coarser than 220. First I wet some 120 grit, slapped it on the table and then rubbed the glasses over the top to flatten out gross unevenness in the rim cut. (Okay that's not the real first step - some of my early cut glasses had little "vampire fang" imperfections in how the glass broke, so I had to get my rotary tool with a diamond burr bit and grind down any major problems.) If the unevenness was too pronounced, I took my rotary tool with a sanding drum attachment and sanded the problem areas that way. I also used the rotary tool to sand the inside and outside edge of the rim. Then I went back to the 120 grit, then the 220 grit. When all rims were sanded, I moved to 320 grit, on the table and also a piece in hand to catch any problem areas. Final step was a piece of 400 grit in hand. This took more time than expected, and I feel like I could make a much more efficient process out of it. I'd also like to go beyond the 400 grit and polish it more. I just ran out of time. I thought for sure I'd break glasses during the sanding stage, but none broke. I finished 23 glasses. I'd intended to engrave each glass with a unique little doodle so people could pick a favorite and take it home as a gift, but ha ha ha I had no time for that. So people at the party didn't really see them as gifts and I don't think hardly anyone took them home. Which is okay, I can perfect the rim sanding and reuse them later.

I got this really cool pair of rubberized cut resistant gloves at ace hardware that I would highly recommend. I got a tiny cut on one finger, enough to make me go out and buy better gloves instead of just disposable vinyl. I made sure to do everything in the garage because the cutting and sanding process gets tiny glass slivers everywhere. Wear eye protection and a mask, etc. This is not a project to do in a carpeted area or around pets.

The table centerpieces were larger jars (pickle jars, costco jam & olive jars) with a ribbon tied in a fancy bow at the bottom and a battery operated light string inside, with a fat handful of individually foil wrapped candy to cover the battery pack. $2 for the ribbon and string light, $2 for candy. Simple, looked pretty.

I do really like projects where I learn stuff, even if it doesn't quite meet expectations, and both the runners and the cups were excellent learning projects.

We're talking about a Hogwarts theme for the next Christmas party and I am already on it. I'm thinking of a quiddich themed cornhole game with beanbags in the house colors and one bag is "the golden snitch". Spouse thinks everyone is going to be Griffindor and Slytherin and he and I will be the only Hufflepuffs. Well, bring it on. Who's got two thumbs and is a Hufflepuff? Me.