Tattoo convention visit went better than expected. The morning we headed over I had talked myself into a real funk and I was pretty down about it. Just being critical about all the things I should have been doing with my time and feeling like I am a loser. I didn't bother getting my portfolio printed, but I did put on a dress with bike shorts underneath so I could easily show the work I've done on myself. I have a portrait of Other Cat on my upper thigh that came out nice and serves as a quick "I'm a decent artist" reference. Some people are fantastic at talking themselves up and then you look at just one thing they've done and it is WONKY and you know in a split second if they are an Artist or an "artist". You can totally judge someone off one piece. So I have one decent piece to show.

The convention was about as expected - packed with visiting artists (more than I thought, several aisles), and a handful of locals. There were some supplies but no armrests or studio furniture, no art books, no really cool fragile merch like animal skulls. Nothing difficult to fit in a suitcase. Basic stuff. I didn't see any supplies worth buying.

Attendance was low and it was fairly low energy, compared to the east coast conventions. Plenty of tattooing going on, so good for attendees that wanted to get something done, as there were open artists hungry for work.

But UGH the convention chairs were those fabric upholstered stacking banquet kind and people were just tattooing on them with no plastic barrier. If my mentor caught me tattooing someone on a fabric chair with no barrier I'm pretty sure he would have insta-fired me. The folding metal or plastic chairs are a hard surface that can at least be wiped down pretty good, but there is no cleaning that fabric upholstery. It's disgusting. You're gonna be sitting in the sprayed body fluids of whoever sat there before, in the filth of however many events those chairs have seen. Absolutely gross. I saw one artist had lined up 4 chairs and had someone laying on the seats like a bed, tattooing their leg. No barrier on the seats. Like, it's the kind of amateur home tattooing surroundings that get reamed on the internet. As an apprentice you get all this stuff about hygiene and blood borne pathogens crammed in your head - you get proper station setup and cleaning drilled into you from the start like if you touch the wrong thing your mentor will taze you - and then you show up to a convention and apparently it's carnival circus time. Jesus, at least throw down a trash bag!

So we wandered around and I bought a tshirt from one vendor, and then we saw another tshirt vendor and went over there - turns out it was a local shop with designs from a husband-and-wife team that they screenprinted themselves. Cool art, and they picked quality clothing blanks. I like particular people. I chatted a little about screenprinting because I worked in screenprinting (embroidery, really, but I know enough about screenprinting secondhand and I did some home screenprinting runs). Turns out the husband-and-wife are tattoo artists taking a break for the summer and they own one of the local studios. I ended up mentioning that I apprenticed for a couple years and now I have to start over and she said she had six years of experience when she moved to Alaska and how tough it was for her to go back to square one, especially as a woman, etc. Then she asked for my portfolio and I didn't fucking have it (!!) so I showed her the portrait of Other Cat. Then she invited me to get in touch later on and share my portfolio with her and her husband to chat about it and she told me about their shop. Like it wasn't an apprenticeship offer but it was super positive - maybe they know someone or maybe they'll keep me in mind if circumstances change. So that was awesome and totally worth the price of admission and the hoodie I bought from them. She also said she liked this convention much better than the august one - apparently the guy who runs the august one is an asshole. She seemed really nice. I'd love to get a tattoo from her when her books open up in the fall.

Anyway it was very good to see all the different artists and styles and get immersed in the vibe again. To get excited about tattooing and about making art. I have a stack of business cards to check out. And it's nice to be proven wrong after being so doom-and-gloom about it. I guess I turn into an Eeyore because I want to be "realistic" and not get my hopes up, but then I end up so discouraged from the get-go.

I have a tattoo that says "extraordinary". I got the tattoo because one night I was falling asleep and I heard a male voice say, "It's a dangerous thing, believing you are ordinary." It was just a hypnagogic hallucination. But it got me thinking about what that meant, and how expectations for oneself can change the outcome of real world opportunities. If you believe you are of ordinary skill or talent, and you expect the accepted ordinary outcome, you might not even take chances you believe are reserved for someone more talented, more charismatic, more connected, more wealthy. It reinforces your own perception and closes the door to opportunity. Sometimes that "realistic" self-perception can cripple you before you even get started. At the time I was struggling with wanting to be a tattoo artist but also getting nothing but negative information about how difficult it was to get an apprenticeship, especially if one is a woman and past her twenties. The odds looked very bad and I was trying to be level headed and adult about it. I struggle with counting myself out before I even get started. Obvs I did eventually get the apprenticeship.

So I'm a bit more hopeful now, with that reminder. Just because it's less likely doesn't mean it it's not possible.

I need to start tattooing again to refresh my skills, just work on piggie, myself, spouse and maybe a couple close friends and family. A nice part about being back in Alaska is I won't have a problem getting volunteers. I can make sure the tattoos I take on are comfortably in my skill level. The project area/dining room is not bad for tattoo work with proper setup and a floor to ceiling curtain to separate it. Tile floor is cleanable, etc. I need a decent client chair/table, and an armrest, mostly. I got this super cool rolling workstation thing FREE from my gaming friend who works at a dental clinic (same place I got my teeth cleaned). It had been sitting in a spare room for a couple years, unused, and it's awesome, medical grade equipment. Shit yeah I want it. Then there's some assorted supplies I am missing. I may need to get a thermal printer. I learned how to make handdrawn stencils, but they aren't ideal.

I have some ingrained reluctance to tattoo outside of a shop. That's why I went the apprenticeship route - because I wanted to do things right & proper, respect the art form, etc. But I also learned in my apprenticeship that it wasn't my mentor who was making me a tattoo artist, it was me. I couldn't sit there like a sack of flour on a theme park ride because my mentor wasn't teaching me what I wanted to learn - I had to take more control and be more proactive, because the only person who was going to make sure I got what I needed was me. Mentor was just one source. There is an element of lawbreaking and thumbing one's nose at authority in tattooing by its nature. Even my mentor started tattooing by scratching. If you're not willing to be bold and color outside the lines a little, maybe you're not respecting the true spirit of tattoo. There's something comforting about that.

I'm thinking about getting a second number and separate phone for tattoo stuff. I know I'm going to have to go back on instagram, etc., but putting those apps on my personal phone gives me the heebie jeebies. I know they track identities based on location and proximity, so maybe a separate phone is only a flimsy psychological comfort, but I just want to be able to quarantine that shit. I've had this talk with friends about how going to lengths to keep yourself private online only makes you more of an outlier, and therefore MORE suspicious and MORE unique, but the modern internet and social media just makes my skin crawl. I need to be able to go digital hermit and leave work stuff behind. I need a "clean" phone and a "dirty" phone.

My arm is still fucked up. I finally got some tiger balm and salonpas patches and it's helping, but I'm avoiding certain tasks like finishing ripping out the grass or picking up heavy stuff. I need to go back to stretching properly in the morning.