No headache so far. Feeling really good, actually. But I always think that until the headache hits.

Had some tension and head stuffiness like I was going to get a headache, but it eased off in a day and it's been pretty smooth sailing since. I am being VERY GOOD with my eating habits. Aside from the 4oz of coffee in the morning (will have to give it up once this danger zone is over).

If I can make it through this weekend I should be safe. Friday night (gaming) will be the test. We have restarted the ol' dinner rotation (we're all solidly adult and eating fast food every friday has lost its charm) and I snatched this week, so I can control the food. I explained this diet and they've been so super sweet about accommodating me. Putting cheese on the side and Tim even set some of the pulled pork meat aside for me before he doused the rest in BBQ sauce. It's such a nutty restrictive diet I wouldn't expect them to go out of their way - I told them that - but they really paid attention when I rattled off the naughty foods and I haven't had to opt out of dinner at all. Maybe I avoid a side here or there, but I can have a meal. And I pick up more of the dinner rotations to make up for the fuss. So this week I am doing a "handpie extravaganza" with at 6 different kinds of handpies, because handpies are the perfect food. I'm gonna do brie-bacon-spicy fig jam, jamaican beef, sweet potato-onion-basil-goat cheese, sausage-fennel, apple-cheddar-thyme and blackberry-sage-cream cheese. With charred brussels sprouts. (I can't have the ones with brie or cheddar but they sounded so good - I may steal a bite from spouse.)

I'm really getting good at my handpie crust. You know I always thought pie crust was super difficult to make? It's not hard at all, especially since I got a pastry blender tool. I think it's because they sell frozen pie crust so making it from scratch seems like work when you can just buy a package. It's probably faster to make scratch crust than to wait for the frozen stuff to defrost. And a lot cheaper, even with the good butter. I do a 50/50 mix of oat flour and wheat flour, so my crust will never be as flaky as a 100% wheat crust, but it's lower histamine and I still think it's pretty good. I like the hint of oatmeal flavor. Makes them taste more medieval and rustic to me.

1.5 cups wheat flour

1.5 cups oat flour

1 tsp salt

2 tsp sugar (optional, good for dessert pies)

(mix dry ingredients)

1.75 sticks of cold butter (1.5 sticks is not enough, dough will not stretch well, 2 seems excessive)

(cut into small cubes and toss into flour, use a pastry cutter or fork to mash it into the flour and then work with the fingers into a crumbly texture)

.5-.75 cup cold milk/water

(add a tablespoon or two at a time to the flour mix, working with a hand into dough - add enough liquid to work the dough into one ball, but too much will make it sticky so go slow)

(break the dough ball into 9 pieces of about 3oz each. I like to use a digital scale to make them exact. 3oz of dough is enough for one 5" dough circle with a little extra. Roll the dough balls in plastic and put them in the fridge to chill for at least an hour. Take them out, roll them out with a rolling pin and a little pinch of flour to keep from sticking, cut the circle. To make sure there is room for filling, roll the center of the circle out a bit to make an oblong shape. Put about 1/3 cup of (cold) filling in the middle. Wet one side of the inner edge of the oblong so the dough will stick together. Stretch the dough over the filling and press edges together. Crimp with a fork and then fold the crimped edge over itself (will keep the pie from popping open in the oven and spilling pie guts everywhere). Cut vent holes in the top. When ready to bake, brush with egg wash first. 25min @ 350 seems about right, then turn the broiler on low and broil for 2 min to get the nicely browned top. Voila! 9 handpies minimum, might get 10 or 11 with the extra dough scraps.)

Handpies take time, so I can't make all 30+ pies in one day. Yesterday I made the dessert flavors and froze them. Today I'll make a couple more flavors, same tomorrow. On friday I'll bake them all and make the brussels sprouts.

You think this is fancy but a couple weeks ago, Michael made a fucking curry crusted lamb roast and it was absolutely delicious. The bar is set high and I don't think I can beat him, even with tasty handpies. Tim is a fantastic cook, too. We eat very well on game nights. I think Michael and I both secretly want to throw dinner parties and game night is a practical way to scratch that itch. It saves everyone money and then most of the time you just show up and there's good food - no worrying about grabbing mcdonalds on the way over, or being hungry halfway through the evening. It doesn't work very well if your group has inconsiderate people, tho. We used to have a guy named Will who was legendary for doing low effort stuff like boiled hot dogs and bologna sandwiches on his nights, and then eating huge portions of other people's good food on their nights. When spouse and I moved away, they stopped the food rotation because of Will. But Will moved to Texas and now Michael is back, and Michael made the food rotation happen again, but it's more of a voluntary thing. We have a single guy in our group who has a tough life situation and poor access to decent cooking facilities, so we're not going to demand equal participation from him because he simply doesn't have the means. But that guy also GMs the Deadlands game and has invested a lot in game materials, so he's def not freeloading. He earns his dinner. So our cooking slackers have been ousted and now it's all delicious gravy and weekly nerd dinner parties. It's a darn good time.

It snowed a bit yesterday and I have to go shovel. Thrilling.

3/4 -

Weeeellll I got a headache. Friday afternoon through this morning. I think I'm over it now, so that's not so bad. In retrospect I used a couple things for dinner that could have set me off. I made a mustard cream sauce with creole mustard and white wine (both naughty, and I love mustard, and the sauce was so good), and the blackened brussel sprouts had a balsamic vinegar glaze (very naughty). I'm also starting to suspect some spices may set me off, and the jamaican beef curry had a lot. So I had a headache all through gaming which was exhausting, and depressing because I've been SO GOOD otherwise and I didn't know when it would end. On the bright side it faded out by noon when I had coffee (caffeine). In january when I had that headache it lasted all saturday and sunday and then I had to spend monday recovering from the lack of sleep. 16 hours vs 36+ is an improvement, right?

I think soy sauce and that balsamic vinegar are def no good for me, especially in the danger zone. Which is such a rotten shame. I dunno if I can give up spices. I love me some curry and cumin and all that.

The hand pies turned out great. The brie-bacon-spicy fig jam and sausage-fennel were the favorites. There were even pies left over, so everyone got enough. Tim says "handpie" sounds like a euphemism for masturbation, but a couple tasty pies shut him up and all he was making was nom nom noises. Eat that handpie. EAT IT.

I think I might have a mild allergy to potatoes, ha ha. :-( I've been getting these odd sore throats off and on for seemingly no reason where my tonsils swell up, and I've realized I get them after I eat potatoes. I suspect the potato skin is specifically the problem, because french fries seem okay. But all the vitamins are in the skin!! It figures I'd be so excited to get potatoes back and then be allergic.

It's really hard being good with the eating habits for 2 weeks. I get why addicts relapse. "Oh I'm fine now, there's no problem, I can totally have just a little of this naughty stuff and suffer no consequences."

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In other news, my sister has gotten back in touch. Last time she texted was in late April or May. My dad was having a health issue and was in the hospital. I just have no interest in pretending "happy family" anymore, so I told her I don't really like dad because he was abusive when I was a teen, so don't expect me to be broken up about it. I told her I understood that dad is a hero in her life, but he's been a villain in mine, so I probably wasn't going to react how she expected. I'm not going to fake sympathy. I also told her to never evangelize at me again because dad ruined Christianity for me. It was a lot for her and she dropped the conversation. She and mom and dad are very close, and she had their grandkids, so that cemented the bond further. I get that it's not comfortable.

So she restarted contact. She & family have moved to Missouri because Colorado has gotten so expensive (like a lot of people, her husband is working from home which afford them mobility). Bought their house about a year and a half ago. Mom and dad intended to relocate as well, so they sold their house and they've been living with my sister since september. Apparently they've been causing her a lot of stress and she's starting to see the manipulation and abusive patterns. Dad is playing the grandkids against each other. Her oldest, a daughter, is about the same age when dad turned on me. She had no idea our family was fucked up (her words) and she had to get into therapy to deal with it. She sounds really unhappy - between the pressure of living with mom & dad and also having a tough time settling into Missouri (aside from low cost of living, doesn't seem like a place she would enjoy). Mom and dad bought a place close by and will be moving into their own house - sounds like it can't come soon enough. She asked me to forgive her for any hurt she may have caused me, because she had no idea what was going on. I purposefully kept my issue with dad to myself and my sister tends to be a little oblivious so it is no surprise she just didn't pick up on it. It's not her fault dad is an asshole and chose me as the scapegoat. She always had a more sociable, emotionally open personality than me. She's the funny one, the charismatic social butterfly. There's really no comparison, most people prefer to be around her. In astrology terms, she's a sun-jupiter-mercury and I'm a sun-pluto-mercury. She's checkers and I'm chess. Everyone likes checkers, you know? It's just a slightly painful truth, she'll always be the golden child of the family.

Anyway, I might get my sister back. It's so refreshing to be honest about our family after so many years. I know why I was locked into my family role, I know why I kept up the facade, but now that it's busted I am never going back. Yeah, we are fucked up. Yeah, dad plays control games. Yeah, everything revolves around managing dad's precious fee-fees. Yeah, mom will look the other way if he's mean to your daughter. But hey, I will 100% believe her when she tells me about the messed up little games he plays. I know how important that is, because nobody was there to believe me.