I'm gearing up for this SIGHI elimination diet in January. It's going to be terrible and I'm probably going to be a super whiny baby after a week. I think a lot of it is just getting used to fasting (fancy intentional starving). "In the middle of a flare up? Just don't eat anything." seems to be common advice. I'm not happy about this but I don't think a little judicious fasting will harm me beyond the immediate hangryness, so we'll see. I've ordered plain pea protein powder, pumpkin seed protein powder and rice protein powder to try. I guess whey protein is no good. Premade shake mixes are no good 'cause of fillers. We got a vitamix blender (because I said back in the land of crab if we got a house we should take some of uncle sam's bonus money and get a really nice blender for margaritas and such) so I can figure out smoothies. I want to try to invent a recipe for some kind of baked cracker/bar protein thing, like I did with the pumpkin protein bars. It will not taste good but if I can do a big batch then I won't be obsessing over "what am I gonna eat?" every day. Spouse is on board - yesterday he said we shouldn't get salami because he knows it's on the naughty food list and I had to remind him that he needs snacks and there's no chance we're going to eat 100% the same thing. This diet cuts out too many things. If I don't have the willpower to keep from casually scoffing salami, this is over before we begin.

So it's roughly: no alcohol, no preserved or aged food (meat, dairy, fermented stuff, anything in vinegar or brine), no premade convenience food, no leftovers unless they are immediately frozen, no spinach or tomato or eggplant or avocado or mushroom, no seaweed/iodine, no beans, no nuts, no chocolate, no black or green tea (I am going to have coffee even though it's a no-no, because C'MON - I'll skip the processed creamer and have it with real cream or black), and avoid anything with added preservatives or food coloring so that means no soda, etc. There's also a bunch of spices and extras to avoid. It's similar in concept to whole30 - less restrictive in some areas, more restrictive in others. Lots of cooking from base raw ingredients.

The hope is if I do this for January it will help reset my histamine system and I can better deal with unrestricted eating. Plus, I can go back on this diet when I feel I'm in the danger zone. If it doesn't help it ought to be obvious, and at least I know I gave it a good try. Maybe I just get headaches no matter what. Maybe there's no fix, only reduced amounts of suffering. Maybe I'm just wasting time and energy chasing a phantom solution because I am afraid of other things. There's a small voice in the back of my head that says I was fine working an 8-5 office job and dragging myself to work, headache or not. Maybe I shouldn't have turned my nose up and tried to be "special". Maybe I shouldn't have gambled on myself, I should have known better. I am ashamed to be a financial drain on spouse. I know he doesn't think less of me, but I do. I've come a long way in the past few years in regards to my self worth and the money I bring home, but it is hard to escape the pressure. Like there's an intersection there between health and work and personal fulfillment and it's not just the one thing, but all three. What if I can't solve the health aspect. Am I borked? Am I a waste? Oh sure, she's an "artist" and she gets "headaches" and now she just lives off her spouse's paycheck and won't get a job. Ugh! I sound like a total shitbag loser.

We were grocery shopping yesterday and what with the price of packaged food, it makes financial sense to move to scratch made food as much as possible anyway. $6 for a box of crackers? $3 for a 2 liter of soda? Food has always been expensive in Alaska, especially junk food like chips and 12 packs. I remember when I first moved to Fairbanks the prices were double that of the L48 and my jaw dropped. Now the L48 has old city Alaska prices and city Alaska is a bit above that. It's blown up to the point where it feels like the manufacturers think we're all so lazy they've got us trained and we'll pay whatever instead of doing more cooking work. Maybe junk food is the last bastion of reachable "treat yourself" for the poors and the manufacturers know it. We'll buy clothes at the thrift shop, but we won't give up our doritos.

Anyway, I gotta figure out a recipe for some kind of protein cracker/bar so I can survive. Dinner shouldn't be too difficult, it's lunchtime that will mentally make-or-break me.