i'm probably not the right person to be writing about this, but i've been thinking lately about the difference between "bright" and "smart". i hadn't paid too much attention to the distinction because there are other factors more important than just brain power, and in fact as i have aged i have valued it less and less compared to soft social skills like charisma & networking ability, general work ethic and persistence, the importance of good mental health and good parenting, resources & availability for pursuing opportunity, etc. who gives a shit if you're a genius if you're an unstable ass (i know it worked for steve jobs, but how much better could he have been for humanity?). you'll never understand the people around you and thus you will always fall short of your potential. brainpower is cheap - there's loads of it in the world - who cares if you got an extra helping. i think a big part of genuine whole intelligence is cultivating mental flexibility, and if you're up on your high horse preening about your three digit IQ, you're going to blind yourself with rigidity.

like i've been watching these youtube howlers and most of them seem like bright people. they understand concepts, they seek out information and events and they can convey convincingly what they think is going to happen in the future. some of them especially understand how to game the youtube algorithm and suck in viewers and it's easy to see that their channel is dual purpose - both discussion, and their own tricked out vehicle for personal enrichment (cool, if you can do it, i guess). these are bright adults with opinions and probably college degrees and money and such. definitely not dummies. but they aren't smart, you know? since it's more of a financial/prepping sort of focus, most of them are conservative and the second they use "brandon" instead of biden, i know they are not really smart, because they have internalized certain rules and rigid attitudes based on us vs them. maybe they're awesome at financial markets, maybe they're richer than i will ever be, but they will always think in a box.

what's the old quote - "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." (which i've thought was a bit snobby because a little gossip is the glue that keeps social groups together, it's the trade of small info that greases the wheels of social trust. maybe i just make that excuse because i love me some drama.) but if you're fixated on trump vs "brandon", you're locked into the small scale of two flawed men. (like, sure, the president does have an impact on the financial landscape, but you play the course you are on, not the course you wish you were on if your preferred candidate had successfully pulled off a coup and dismantled democracy and magically made gas cheap again by putting all those lazy kids to work on the oil rigs (there's a real education, and no CRT!).)

when you dig and find the space of real smart people, you see that they are willing to look at a problem from all angles. they seek out differing views - they doublecheck themselves. they are open about the possibility of being wrong, of not knowing something that would change the outcome. the attitude and goals are different. the picture is bigger.

bright people can fake sounding like smart people, very convincingly, until you find the real smart people.

i'm not a "smart person". i missed the window to make the most of myself - i'm limited. but i want to have and cultivate that mental flexiblity like a real smart person. i want to keep being interested and curious as long as my brainmeats will allow. i want to seek novelty. i want to tolerate mental change. i want to be flexible in my definitions and understanding of self and others. and i want other people to have that freedom too.

i guess the hardest lesson to learn, over and over, is things change and no "peak" can be sustained forever. everything grows and matures and ages and dies. empires, internet message boards, pets, friend groups, stock market gains. can't cling to the good times of yesterday any more than you can wallow in the defeats of tomorrow. this, too, shall pass.

fetch wood, carry water, i guess.

i've been in this weird limbo for a while, what with spouse's job change and the move and then he's been gone while i try to set up the house. he's coming home soon and it will be time to rejoin real life and be a real person again. it's kinda baffling me because i feel like i have a lot of fantastic freedom to define what that will look like and i am not sure what i want. what's the goal, what's the big picture. money, sure, would absolutely feel better to be a contributing adult and take some of the load off spouse. be dult, pay mortgage. but what else, 'cuz i can work at walmart and bring home a paycheck. if it's just to be a cog in the machine and get the little green papers, that's babytown frolics. but WHAT ELSE? what's the smart person take? i am a puzzle piece in search of the puzzle where i fit.