So I went to michaels (how much do we hate michaels? so much) to see if they had any transfer paper because I forgot to look when I went to the good art store. I always forget something. I wandered around michaels getting all pissed off by the displays and the product and the customers because naturally they don't have the transfer paper where I think they should. What a soulless temple of overpriced mass produced crap marketed as lowest common denominator creativity. God I hate michaels. Anyway, I find where they hid the transfer paper but they only have the basic graphite stuff by the single sheet. I want a roll of saral in white or yellow, but of course michaels doesn't carry it because they want you to dump your wallet out for a cricut and buy a whole bunch of products to do the exact same thing as cheap transfer paper. Guess I am ordering it off amazon. But home depot is right there and I think, maybe they have transfer paper. Maybe?

I left michaels in a fine mood. It's not until I am entering the home depot parking lot that I remember that it's sunday. Home depot, on a sunday. Lovely. So I get in there and wander around and don't see any transfer paper. I end up asking an employee, because for whatever reason my phone gets no service in this shopping area (I suspect them of doing this intentionally because there is no legitimate reason for this busy shopping area to be a constant dead zone). As we've established, I have bad luck with home depot employees. I always hope the guy will be like, "Oh yeah, easy peasy, it's in aisle X" but that never happens anymore. First I have to explain what transfer paper is. Then the guy just pulls out his phone to look it up on the website (he must have store wifi). I give him big points for doing that much - that's more help than other employees have given me. Nope, no transfer paper. He even suggests trying michaels! This guy is like a customer service star! He must be new, he still gives a shit! So I thank the guy for at least trying and wander off toward the exit. But I get sidetracked into the tile and flooring aisle, and I make an amazing discovery.

So home depot has free swatches of different flooring types. Generally it's a 3x4" piece. I've taken a couple for potential art projects before, but they had the tongue and groove join which you'd have to saw off or otherwise disguise. It's obvious it's a piece of flooring. But, these fools!! they have samples for this "rigid core luxury vinyl flooring" that are perfect 4" squares with no tongue and groove and a nice rubberized back. Do you know what these are?? Yes, FREE COASTERS. "Please take our free coasters which are unguarded because we don't staff enough employees to make sure you really intend to buy flooring." So I pick out 4 free coasters in nice dark grey tones. (I'm not a dick, I'm not going to swipe all the samples in one go.) That's what home depot gets for not cutting plywood for me like 8 months ago. REVENGE.

I'm not saying you should go to home depot and liberate their free flooring samples and subvert the predatory corporate machine by making art at their expense. I'm just saying that a set of personalized coasters makes a nice christmas gift and that's probably what I will be sending all the relatives this year. (Flooring samples also make great pattern weights, fyi.)

I am in the same mood that the kitties get in when they run around the apartment wild-eyed and perch like jaguars on the top of the hobbit throne. WILD. FERAL. UNTAMED. STEAL YOUR FLOORING SAMPLES. SPIT ON YOUR CRICUT DISPLAY. Justice! Liberation! FREEDOM! I refuse to purchase my dreams premade from the corporate slavers! REVOLUTION!

I feel much better. This makes up for the bad day I had on saturday.

And if you're like, but normal generic people will know these are just flooring samples and sneer at me. It's pretty easy to tart these things up with little/no art skill. Use some bright colors and glitter, or something funny, and most people will be too goggle eyed to notice anything else. Lie and say you bought them off etsy, the generics are suckers for that. Dot mandala paintings are lovely and just simple geometry. A simple stencil style design. Lettering, like a monogram. Decoupage with vintage picture cut outs. Make sure to paint or gild the edges. A thin coat of epoxy resin would protect the design and tart them up, or use clear spray paint to seal them.

Now is the perfect time to harvest flooring samples for christmas gifts!

I had a stray thought that I'd make gifts out of the walnut ink (bottle of ink, crow quill dip pen, little booklet with drawing tips, maybe a little sketchbook) but I had to face reality that dip pens are obscure these days. You'd have to be a more advanced artist just to see the value in it, nevermind use it for anything. I doubt any of the nieces or nephews would have interest. "Wannabe" artists would never use it. Beginning/intermediate artists go for regular pens like microns that give safer, more reliable results. When I used my first dip pen it was instant true love, but it's often messy and inconvenient and there's a steep learning curve that can be discouraging. You'd have to be a particular sort of advanced/professional artist to get excited about a bottle of walnut ink and then actually use it. So sadly, a pack of gum would make a better gift for the people in my family. Or a coaster. Everybody with a cup can use a coaster.

Feral art. FERAL. Untamed. Stolen from corporate fools. I bare my sharp teeth and brandish my little pocketknife. Smart and brave and fierce. I have liberated supplies from the machine and given it no profits. BLOOD. VICTORY. WINNING.