Feeling normalish again. Just a couple days of insomnia and feeling cranky and tired, like an overstimulated toddler. Not fun. Wasn't really in pain, just wired and exhausted with bad concentration. It's the ol' "maybe if I take a nap" "maybe if I drink some water" "maybe if I take these meds" "maybe if I eat something" "maybe I need a hot/cold pack" everything will be gone in 30 minutes game. Repeat over and over, waste the day. I should stick to low carb better. I remember reading that sometimes one ovary will release more hormones than the other and cause an exaggerated response. This might be my bad ovary because it does seem like every other month is slightly worse. Huzzah. Fingers crossed I'm past it for this go-around. It figures that I'd get all excited about completing projects and then immediately get the hormone hammer, straight off. So typical.

I'm thinking about trying inktober ... again. Inktober is an art challenge for the month of October, sort of like NaNoWriMo except for artists. You're supposed to do an ink drawing a day for the whole month. I am not sure how many times I have attempted it and not finished. I think the first year I tried was 2015 or 2016, back when I was working in screenprinting. Last year I didn't even bother, and the year before that was the worst. I was working at the shop and you'd think it would be the perfect thing for a working artist, right? I even told the other artists about it and drummed up some interest. Maybe we'd have a party at the end, look at everyone's drawings like we were doing a faux gallery, have snacks and wear funny hats. I thought it could be a fun shop thing. Initially my mentor was into it and even did a few. Then after the first week he told me it was a waste of my time and he didn't want to see me working on it (if I was awake I was at the shop - no free time at home). Which is so incredibly boneheaded, because it's an art warmup I ought to be doing anyway. He just wanted to take a giant shit on something I was excited about. He had a real talent for stomping on the joy of anyone he considered an underling, like his apprentices or his girlfriend or the receptionist. We used to joke about not telling him when we were pleased about something because he would find a way to ruin it. He couldn't tolerate anyone being happy if he wasn't the source, so he'd come in and pick a fight and ruin your day, and then a while later he'd come back and yell at you for not being fake-happy enough afterward. He just wanted to crack his whip, yank everyone around and suffer no consequences for doing so. It was his own guilt that made him especially mean. That was his shtick. Of all the rude things he did, I think ruining that inktober hurt me the most because it was so senseless. He knew I was excited about it because I really thought it was the year I'd complete the challenge. He may as well have taken a kitten from me and thrown it in traffic. That was an awful October - my birthday month, too. It sucked. It sucked so hard I didn't even try last year.

The biggest challenge of inktober is time management and trying to manage your expectations. I always get too ambitious with my drawings, and once you fall behind you are screwed. You can't spend 3+ hours completing a perfectly finished drawing every day for 30 days. I can't, anyway. Some artists really go all out for inktober and do beautiful work. I have to make it easier on myself or I won't make it. In 2019 I limited myself to a 6x8" page size and I still got a bit too crazy. I might do 5x5" this year, or possibly even work on those 4x4" pulpboard coasters (but they are not ideal because the ink bleeds and feathers ... still, I've used them before).

Inktober is tailor made to generate content to post on social media. I got no joy for social media. So, yay, do inktober, get comfortable posting on social media, two birds one stone, right? This has never worked out, of course. But if you do inktober and don't put your work out there somehow, is it an accomplishment? Is it even worth attempting if you're not fishing for eyeballs somewhere? Ugh I hate social media, it makes me feel like I'm flying a sign at a busy intersection, begging for clicks. I deeply resent being made to use hashtags. But if you don't use hashtags, what even is the point of posting? It is a circus and I hate putting on the full clown makeup, but if you don't get in full clown makeup, you miss the point of the circus, right? Nobody is interested in a half made up clown. You go full clown or nothing.

Def no social media attempts this year, so not into it. But I can at least send a picture to spouse every day, so that's something. Get some variety in between the cat photos.

So, inktober. I'll give myself a 1 hour drawing time (2 hours max if I'm really into it). 5x5" or smaller. Some days I use the official prompt, others I don't. The point is to draw in ink every day.

I'm gonna do it this year. I'm gonna do it. I really want that brag.

Inktober official prompts & rules.