Something came up with the background investigation process for the new job and they scheduled a video chat. We don't know what it means - maybe they just need to clarify something. Spouse suspects one of the relatives was naughty. Hey, did you know one of your cousins has joined a domestic terror group? Awesome.

I became convinced that it was something to do with ME. Maybe some identity fraud I don't know about or something I have just ignored. I have not been good about keeping track of things in the past year. I know they've cleared me to some extent, we had to put in paperwork for Uncle Sam's blessing to get married. But that was 2 years ago. Plenty of time for some festering thing to make me a liability.

So I was freaking out, I read some dramatic internet stories about spouses ruining background investigations, and by the time spouse came back from work I was crying in the kitchen making dinner, convinced I had ruined everything. Wondering if it was a mistake spouse married me. Wouldn't that take the cake - went to all this trouble, stayed home for a fucking year, try to give good pep talks, and then I hamstring him at the finish line. It was like my body hit a physical wall of stress. I was getting panic attack symptoms the last few months I worked at the shop, and everything rushed back.

Spouse was kind and reassured me that I probably couldn't bork everything unless I really worked at it. So I'm probably not the issue. Probably.

The emotional release was positive. Maybe I did the crying for both of us, because we are both stuck in this nightmare hamster wheel. All this time I've been like, this is cake compared to the last time spouse had to jump through these hoops. Well I was wrong, it is worse. I never broke down panic crying in the kitchen the last time. We've just got our hopes so high, and any little bobble at this stage feels excruciating. I want this victory for spouse. He deserves it.

This stupid transit. I knew there would be trouble. Spouse and I share natal venus at the same degree, 23 virgo, and neptune is transiting 23 pisces right now, in almost perfect opposition. Spouse and I are experiencing this venus-neptune opposition together, but there's more impact on my end than his. Most of my chart placements have an aspect to 23 pisces. What is a nearly full chart transit like? Well, here we go.

Spouse had the meeting yesterday. I couldn't stand to be in the apartment so I went for a walk. He got grilled for 45 minutes. Apparently there were differences in how spouse filled out background paperworks in different years. He's done it 3 times in the past 7 years. The first background check he filled out he put down EVERYTHING regarding some stuff that happened when he was in an unstable phase right out of high school. Because it was fresh in his memory. But in later paperworks he didn't put down some details, or remembered them slightly different. Like, on this paperwork you admitted downloading songs illegally from napster in 2004-2006 and in this paperwork you said it was 2005-2008 and you used limewire! So which was it and how many songs? Apparently some people know exactly how many songs they illegally downloaded 12+ years ago? Spouse says this is why the government is full of mormons, because they don't do anything and if they do, they keep good records. Mormons pass background checks.

It was all piddly little things from 10+ years ago that spouse slightly misremembered and an analyst somewhere flagged as a discrepancy. Like, how come you divulged trying inhalants once but on your application for the army in 2008 you didn't mention it. Uncle Sam is an abusive, controlling boyfriend.

Which makes me freaking out and panic crying in the kitchen kinda funny. Who would guess I'd ever be crying over napster in 2021. NAPSTER.

I have this event tomorrow and I'm really disappointed with what I've got. I lost good work time due to freaking out. Honestly I'd love to say I'm sick and just not show up, but that's throwing $50 in the toilet. I got paranoid that my downstairs(?) neighbor was angry about the rotary tool noise. Coincidently or not, someone has been stomping around and aggressively slamming cabinets/things when I'm working. I mean, stomping like a charging rhino, hard enough to rattle the whole end of the building. I don't engrave any earlier than 10am or later than 7pm to be courteous, and I do everything I can to keep the noise down. I stuff the cup with a towel, work on a beanbag and rubber dampening pad, put a rug on top of the carpet under the table, etc. I figured out that I can use hand placement to dampen the vibration somewhat. The powder coated items are definitely quieter than the bare metal items. Engraving sounds like someone practicing the harmonica, but playing only one note and at random intervals and volumes. I wouldn't call it pleasant. I was working on a pair of spice grinders and the metal cap was round with a center impression, like a gong shape. They were ridiculously loud - you'd think I had a radial arm saw going. Actually hurt my ears. I won't be doing them again. I was glad I didn't get too fancy with the design. So I can understand that not being a nice thing to hear through the walls/ceiling, esp if you work second/third shift or are on your day off. If they can hear it? I hear very little noise from our neighbors, no TV sounds and faint music only rarely. I can hear the neighbor's kid make noise sometimes, or kitchen noise, but never excessively. I can tell when they run the washing machine but only near the washing machine area. Never gotten a noise complaint ourselves and sometimes we've been heavy footed and like loud movies. So the soundproofing is good? It's hard to tell for sure because we don't have anyone above us to compare.

I was sitting on the stair of the lower floor waiting for spouse to finish his zoom call, halfway hoping my lower neighbor would pop out and I could be friendly and ask if the noise was okay, if they had certain days off so I don't interrupt their weekend, etc. There were normal breakfast sounds from the other apartments, excited squealing kids (definitely louder than engraving), and then what I believe is my downstairs neighbor full throated screaming and cursing at a roommate/parter. Just ranting that was shocking to hear. "You're so fucking selfish you only care about yourself!", etc. I'm staring to think she's an incredibly angry person, or having a bad week, also the soundproofing must be good because I never hear yelling. Maybe her slamming cabinets and stomping has absolutely nothing to do with my engraving. Who knows. But worrying about it did cost me some productive work time.

So between fussy art processing, Uncle Sam being a dick, and neighbor worries, I didn't get nearly as much new product done as I'd hoped and once again am stuck with a embarrassingly small product selection.

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We are back from the convention - actually it went quite well. I sold 6 pieces for a total of $195. My two most expensive pieces sold, but my real goal was to sell the Dune themed spice grinder (engraved with "the spice must flow" and a worm on the cap), and I did it. So I'm pleased. Spouse says, I keep thinking your prices are too high and then your most expensive things sell. Yeah, doy. Cause they are the most awesome and people want awesome things. People spend hundreds of dollars on props and outfits to walk around like their favorite character a few times. Why wouldn't they drop some money on an amazing one of a kind cup they can use every single day, for years? People were SUPER impressed when I explained I engraved the cups by hand. Like, laser engraving is cool but hand engraving is PURE FUCKING MAGIC. Spouse said it's because a lot of geeks try to make things themselves and they have a better grasp of how hard it is.

The convention was humble, no big names, but well organized. There were maybe 150 vendors in a large event hall, some with all kinds of pop culture toys, comic books, art, props, etc. Some just small independent artists like myself. Writers selling their books. Lots of people in all kinds of costumes. A family of three dressed up as matrix characters. Several impressive full kit mandalorians. Couple of Black Panthers. A GI Joe costuming club. Ghostbusters club. Many, many, many anime characters. Probably 50% wearing masks - some cleverly complimenting their costume. Nice little convention, and many people just expressing how glad they were to get out and go to an event. It was good times.

One of spouse's geekier coworkers drove up for the convention and sat with us a while. He bought a cup I engraved with "scoundrel" in the Aurebesh Star Wars font. (I want to do this series of insult cups, but "scoundrel" was the only one I finished in time. I want to do "rapscallion", "scofflaw", "pipsqueak", etc. Awesome party cups, right?) So spouse got to wander around with the coworker (and complain about getting grilled) and I think they had a good time.

Crappy week but at least it ended on a nice note.