I keep working on a new year's update post and not being able to finish it.

Spouse has left for his job in the city and we are anxious about how today will go. Hopefully the red hats are all talk, no action. Spouse is unlikely to get involved unless something very exciting happens, so we are hoping for a super boring day.

Spouse is a veteran and he and I were friends during his service. I never had much worry for his safety because I knew he had training, equipment, and good instincts. He would do as well as anyone could in whatever circumstances so there wasn't a need to get worked up. Even though we weren't together back then, I feel about the same now - spouse has had excellent training, he is well equipped and he is very capable. Whatever happens (if anything happens), he is set up for the best outcome.

Honestly, his job is a whole thick stack of negatives for me and only one minor positive. I'm not supposed to be open about who he works for, in fact I have a whole set of cagey replies to give people who ask. I don't get any special sekrit inside info because it's classified and he isn't going to spill anything he shouldn't. I know in a roundabout way what he does at his current job, but if he gets this new job, I probably won't know any details at all. When he tells stories about his coworkers he leaves out their names. I'm not allowed in the building where he works. In some ways it's worse than being a military spouse, minus deployments. At least they get to be open about being in the military. There's a discount. If spouse flashed his ID for a discount it would be an ethics breach.

I don't feel shut out because if spouse wants to talk about something he can find a way to couch it or remove details - I am much more concerned with his well being than the specifics anyway. Most workplace day-to-day stuff isn't that interesting, no matter where you work. So it doesn't bother me on a personal level and I have 100% trust in spouse's honesty. Mostly it just means I have another layer of stuff I can't use for small talk with others. I worry a little bit about stranger's reactions. We live in a cheaper area and our neighbors are very diverse, mostly black and brown and I don't want them to be afraid because we're next door (though I understand they might have good reason - authority has not historically been kind). Especially with the political polarization this past year, people make a ton of online assumptions about who we support and what we believe. As with most things, reality is nuanced.

I hope today is boring. I hope spouse doesn't have to make any hard decisions. I hope the worst thing happens is that these visitors thoughtlessly spread virus to each other because they chose to follow a leader who disregards science, and there ends up being an woeful need for human waste cleanup because they don't realize how few toilet facilities are going to be open to the public in a pandemic. Pre-covid I ended up buying a sandwich on a city visit because I desperately needed a restroom. Due to the homeless problem there are few if any open facilities. Good luck with your federal flowerbed poops, I say! Hope the cops making arrests stay clean.