SCP-7419 — Marianne Simmons Will Buy A Bagel At Wynnsbury’s

by PoufyPoufson, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7419. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.

Item #: SCP-7419

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures

SCP-7419 is to be kept in a standard small object containment unit when not in testing. Personnel are advised to use electronic devices incapable of wireless connectivity to prevent possible data breaches. Personnel are required to fill out form 7419-ST-1 after conducting a testing exercise.

Description

SCP-7419 is the collective designation for two anomalous devices, designated SCP-7419-A and SCP-7419-B.

SCP-7419-A is a small rectangular device comprised of an unknown material fitted with a standard 3.5mm audio connector and a simple on/off button. SCP-7419-A procedurally generates sentences, sentence fragments, words, and additional semantic values that are expressed as analogue electrical signals intelligible as audio when connected to a suitable interface. SCP-7419-A, once activated, will not cease to generate output unless terminated manually. The content of SCP-7419-A's output does not seem to follow any contextual pattern and will range from direct quotations of known or published material, to abstract "word salad" with little semantic meaning.

SCP-7419-B is a spherical device fitted with a small condenser microphone in addition to a button and connector identical to SCP-7419-A's. SCP-7419-B operates as a simplistic true or false pointer. When connected to a suitable device that does not also have SCP-7419-A connected, a user is able to manually input a statement or question that will then be answered with either a True or False verbal response. Any input that does not contain semantic information answerable by SCP-7419-B will be answered on an abstract basis appearing to operate on simplistic real logic (ie: Input "Blue chickens" will receive output "False") but will invariably land on true or false.

SCP-7419-A and SCP-7419-B, when connected simultaneously to a suitable device, will spontaneously execute each of their operative functions. SCP-7419-A will continuously generate statements, sentences, words, and additional values and directly feed each result into SCP-7419-B to be evaluated as true or false. The two software will run indefinitely until SCP-7419-A generates the statement "Marianne Simmons Will Buy a Bagel at Wynnsbury's", triggering an immediate fatal error in SCP-7419-B's internal logic resulting from an inability to arrive at a true or false conclusion. Every instance of testing involving SCP-7419-A and SCP-7419-B running in conjunction will arrive at this fatal error.

Audio-Log-7419-36

> Apple the Fruit. True. An approved antibiotic for the treatment of streptococcus infection is Amoxycillin. True. Magical Oysters. False. Research has indicated the existence of dark matter. True. Most people believe in a plane of existence beyond ours. True. Goldfish are land dwelling. False. Walmart is a conglomerate from Canada. False. Grocery shopping is a task. True. Apples are Vegetables. False. Anchoring a million grey dogs to a fence post. False. Asteroids may crash at any time. True. It will arrive. True. Seventeen is a song by American singer Sharon Van Etten. True. There are species of potato that contain pork. False. Racial bias. True. The USA will hold elections. True. Grey skies can be turned into portable catheters. False. Managing time is a belief that can be imported into Audacity. True. Madonna is American. True. Catholicism. True. Organic food is edible. True. Ringing a bell that will cease to function. True. Multiplying skulls by the product that is impossible. False. Dying. True. Octocorallia is an order of Cnidarians containing the soft corals and Gorgonians. True. Humans can effectively understand. False. Life is a highway. False. Marianne Simmons Will Buy A Bagel at Wynnsburys.

> Internal Logic Failure. Fatal Error Occurrence. Please restart.

Discovery

SCP-7419 were discovered on 29/12/1982 after Junior Researcher Julio Cabrera checked into Site-19 medical facilities complaining of sharp periodic pains in his lower abdomen. After medical staff were unable to deduce a clear cause, an ultrasound was conducted on the area of reported pain. SCP-7419 were subsequently discovered embedded in Cabrera's abdominal cavity. No signs of surgical intrusion in the area were found.

Test-Log-7419-B-1

The phrase “Marianne Simmons Will Buy A Bagel at Wynnsbury’s” appears to generate from SCP-7419-A at a somewhat elevated rate, and will not result in a fatal error if SCP-7419-B is not connected to the same device. Attempts to determine the significance of the statement have included altering the content of the phrase, with wildly differing results, although all semantic alterations have failed to yield the fatal error caused by the statement. Test results suggest the internal logic of SCP-7419-B treats “Marianne Simmons” and “Wynnsbury’s” as unique semantic concepts rather than generic nouns, as well as outputs being static and not reflecting passage of time. A log of results generated from manual input via SCP-7419-B’s microphone is available below.

INPUT: RESULT

Marianne Simmons will steal a bagel at Wynnsbury’s: FALSE

Marianne Simmons: TRUE

Marianne Simmons’ Bagel: TRUE

Marianne Simmons will be: FALSE

Marianne Simmons is buying a bagel at Wynnsbury’s: TRUE

Marianne Simmons is going to buy a bagel at Wynnsbury’s: TRUE

Marianne Simmons’ Bagel is a Bagel: FALSE

Marianne Simmons is: FALSE

Marianne Simmons is not: FALSE

Marianne Simmons refers to a person named Marianne Simmons: FALSE

Marianne Simmons bought a bagel at Wynnsbury’s: FALSE

Marianne Simmons was: FALSE

Buying a Bagel: TRUE

Buying Marianne Simmons’ Bagel: FALSE

Buying Marianne Simmons’ Bagel from Wynnsbury’s before she does: FALSE

Buying Marianne Simmons’ Bagel from Wynnsbury’s before he does: FALSE

Buying Marianne Simmons’ Bagel from Wynnsbury’s before they do: FALSE

Buying Marianne Simmons’ Bagel from Wynnsbury’s before it does: TRUE

Marianne Simmons’ Bagel was: TRUE

Marianne Simmons is perceivable: TRUE

Marianne Simmons can be perceived: FALSE

Marianne Simmons will be perceived: TRUE

Marianne Simmons’ Bagel has happened: TRUE

Marianne Simmons’ Bagel is happening: FALSE

Marianne Simmons’ Bagel will happen: TRUE

Marianne Simmons’ Bagel will: FALSE

Marianne Simmons is known: TRUE

Marianne Simmons can be known: FALSE

Wynnsbury’s: TRUE

Buying a Bagel at Wynnsbury’s: FALSE

Buying at Wynnsbury’s: TRUE

Bagel at Wynnsbury’s: TRUE

Stealing at Wynnsbury’s: TRUE

Stealing from Wynnsbury’s: FALSE

Wynnsbury’s is Wynnsbury’s: TRUE

Wynnsbury’s was: TRUE

Wynnsbury’s is located in North America: TRUE

Wynnsbury’s is located in the United States of America: FALSE

Wynnsbury’s is located in Canada: FALSE

Wynnsbury’s is located in a Central American or Caribbean country: FALSE

The North America that Wynnsbury’s is located in is North America: FALSE

Attempts to ascertain the identity of Marianne Simmons have been unsuccessful due to the prevalence of the name. Attempts to identify “Wynnsbury’s” as referenced in the phrase has been similarly unsuccessful.

Addendum

As of 16/7/2021, the rate at which input semantically related to “Marianne Simmons Will Buy A Bagel At Wynnsbury’s” is generated by SCP-7419-A has steadily increased, the most common of which is attached below.

INPUT: RESULT

Marianne Simmons will arrive at Wynnsbury’s soon: TRUE