New jorb

It’s no secret I think work sucks, but I actually... like this job? It’s easy and low stress, doesn’t leave me in pain after a whole shift, gives me plenty of opportunity to move around or sit around as preferred... Despite being customer-facing, it’s very introvert-friendly, too.

(I’m not going to say what my job *is* because between all the other things I’ve said about my personal life and where I live, that might just be enough info to dox me.)

But I’m still stressed. Because the lesson my life has taught me up to now is that I don’t *get* to have nice things. I’ll always find a way to screw it up, or some other bullshit will crop up and take the good away. So despite having a rare *good job* that pays well, I’m constantly on edge waiting for it all to blow up in my face.

I don’t think I could handle that.

A couple days later

I wrote that on my phone the other day, but didn’t upload it because, well, I was on my phone. (Found an SSH app for Android, but if I wanted to actually update my capsule and gemlog etc I’d need to recreate my scp scripts on the server end and I just spent the entirety of my two days off zoning out and playing video games, oops.)

Anyway, I’m feeling less doom-and-gloom now. I just made some silly mistakes the day before I wrote the above, and was catastrophizing.

But maybe being optimistic is a bad idea because then my guard is down??? Ugh.

The wife got a job too! Maybe things will work out.

Tags

irl