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To say my life took some twists and turns would be an understatement. I was determined from an early age to find my own path in life and question everything. This has had both good and bad outcomes for me over time. I've had a lot of experiences that someone following the easy path would have missed out on. I'm pretty well travelled compared to my peers, and I've found friendships in a number of unusual places. That said, I've been chronically underemployed and have lived well below the poverty line for a large part of my life. In addition to that, I do feel some disconnect when talking to other technically minded people due to the fact that there's a lot of shared history that is assumed but which I don't share in.

Long story short, I've made the decision to go back to school at 46. I'm in a place in my life now where things are pretty stable and I finally have a fully supportive partner. All the kids are either grown or in the case of her son in high school and well on his way to independence. Most importantly, I've tempered a lot of the traits that held me back when I was younger, and I feel like I can do this without it becoming a negative experience like school was for me as a kid.

When I was growing up, having an adult tell me to do something without explaining to me why it was important was a gaurantee that I was going to just do something else. My neurodivergent brain just revolted. It grew worse every year as I became more mature and it became obvious that some teachers were definitely giving busy work that they couldn't justify, had they actually taken the time to engage my questioning mind. I pulled high grades in every test throughout school, turned in no other assignments, and scraped by with a C or D average depending on the class. All of the adults around me assumed I was lazy and probably an asshole. In reality, I was reading ahead, then teaching myself totally unrelated subjects after I'd finished the year's textbook (usually in the first month). I didn't understand, couldn't understand, any benefit in waiting for the class to catch up. I wasn't being an asshole about it in my mind, I was just ignoring the irritating demands of adults who demanded my respect while, in my mind, not doing their job in a way which would have actually earned my respect.

I've had decades of self reflection since then. I am an asshole sometimes. And while I've managed a lot of learning on my own, in my own style, I realize there are gaps that need filling. I have also been working menial and repetative jobs for so long that what I considered busy work as a kid doesn't look so bad anymore.

In any event, I'm doing something I never thought I would. It's still non-traditional in the sense that classes are online and asynchronous. If not for that I doubt I could get through it. It makes me grateful for the technology that has made this type of school possible.

Back to School

2023-10-15

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