On Being Short

My mother told me as a child, "You will grow up to be as tall as your father", who was over six feet tall. I am still waiting.

I was a teen when I realized that most kids around me started getting taller, then, substantially taller. When I stopped growing I was not horribly short, but pretty damn short, compared to those around me. When I realized what it meant I was pretty devastated.

I was also transported, some time earlier, to a place where height mattered much more than where I grew up. All of a sudden, I became the subject of bullying - both physical and psychological. I was misgendered, mocked, and shoved. I was called vile names. I cursed gods of all kinds for making me the way I was, and the circumstances that placed me situations in which I was not able to defend myself -- neither physically nor verbally, as I could not speak the language without making a complete mockery of myself.

Now being compact is not without disadvantages. I require less to be comfortable. Less food, less space, less air. My muscle to body weight ratio made it possible for me to climb like a monkey. I could run fast and without ruining my knees. I can fit into a budget airline seat comfortably.

But back then I envied tall people. Clothes look so good on you when you are tall! Looking in the mirror, in a new suit, just made me sad. I couldn't shop in places where American men got clothes - if a jacket fit, my waist was about half the size. Never mind the pants long enough to hang myself with.

As I got older, women literally looked over my head at the tall men behind me. I was largely invisible as a potential sex partner. Recent data from dating sites confirms it: for every inch of height (in men -- bra size in women) the potential match pool doubles. There is literally a factor of 1000 between someone 5'4" and 6'2". ONE THOUSAND!

Think about that for a minute. One person has a different partner every night for three years; another gets lucky once!

In practical terms it means that as a young person, you go to a bar with a normal-height or tallish friend, and they are surrounded with flirty admirers while you sit alone or trying to fill awkward silences with an admirer's friend who does not want to be there at all, especially stuck with a short guy. It sounds pretty dumb, but when you are young it hurts. Your friend goes home with a pretty girl and sometimes, her friend too; you go home alone, as usual. Pre-Tinder, swiping left was done brutally, in your face.

Not that I really wanted to be very promiscuous, but it was still hard to face that I couldn't even if I wanted to -- at least not they way I would want to, as I had plenty of offers from men, but it just didn't do it for me. In fact it made it much harder, as people kind of assumed I was gay. Not that there is anything wrong with it, as Seinfeld says.

As an acquaintance said when looking for an impossible-to-get-apartment-deal, "you only need one". Same goes for relationships, and it was actually much easier than casual sex. Those seeking relationships look at other things than tits, I suppose.

Outside of sex, being tall confers amazing privileges you only notice if you are not tall. People listen to you when you are tall, and ignore you when you are short. People defer to you, and do what you ask them. People voluntarily do things for you -- men and women! Charisma is mostly height. When you are short, you are invisible.

Once I got a speeding ticket, and at almost at the same time my wife's ex (who is 6'2") was stopped, at the same exact turn, same speed. He was given a warning; I was dragged into court with the cop trying to take away my license. The judge had to intervene on my behalf and reduce the fine to a hundred bucks. My wife became a believer in my theories of height disadvantage.

It is impossible to manage people or get promoted in management roles in corporate America. It is pretty much pointless to be in sales if you are short -- you will never match the numbers of a tall salesperson.

You will never be President -- that door closed in 1893 with Harrison. People would rather have Trump than a short sane person. You can't realistically be a politician. Not that I wanted to - but again, having doors shut in your face does not feel great.

In the end, it all worked out amazingly well. I have a wonderful partner and a great family. I am in better shape physically than most people my age, physically and financially. I've been pretty satisfied with my body -- after the painful adjustment of teen years (and a back injury that mostly consumed my twenties). There are so many more important things than height. All good here.

With today's medicine, it is possible to make people taller. A couple of inches would make me around average height -- that's all it would take. So much pain could've been avoided. Such surgery is not yet elective, but in a few years... It is painful, and there would be health consequenses for the rest of my life. Would I have the guts to do it? Would it be worth it? Am I -- or was I as a teen - so solipsistic that I would endure life-long complications just to have other people see me the way I imagine myself?

Probably not. I have a hard time getting my teeth fixed without someone botching my mouth. And anyway, that is just the hand that was dealt to me.

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