Personal Blog

7-08-2020

Waiting. I feel like my entire life right now is waiting. I'm waiting to hear back about the coming school year, I'm waiting for the game jam to start, I'm waiting for us to enter Phase II so we can actually safely go places (don't worry, gentle reader, I live in a place where we aren't entering phase II of re-opening until a number of metrics about infection control are met), I'm waiting to find out if I can give my raspberry pi based camp as distance learning, I'm waiting waiting waiting.

It's incredibly frustrating and makes me feel like I'm running out of time to make anything of my life. Is that irrational? Obviously. Is it hard to shake while I'm feeling unstuck in time, labor, and identity? Oh fuck yes.

7-05-2020

I've been wondering for awhile now what would be a good direction to take my work. I've been doing non-profit educational work with in-school and after-school programs for two and half years but, well, I don't know what's going to come of that now.

The pandemic, to put it bluntly, really fucked us all. Schools are going to be open-ish but it's not clear what role any of us are going to have. Yes, there's the possibility of distance learning but I'm not confidant in our ability to get paid for that work. It was hard enough to get a few hundred dollars per month per person from the school district for about twenty hours a week of work. I can't even imagine how hard it's going to be to get them to pay for writing all the materials needed to create asynchronous distance learning.

Is it worth sticking out this coming year to see what happens once we actually have a covid vaccine? Possibly, but this is going to be a rough time for us and I don't know if I can ask the people who work with me to stick through this with me.

In the time I haven't been able to work, though, I've been trying to sharpen a lot of my skills. I'm getting to be a better writer, musician, and programmer. I just keep wanting to do more, be more, learn more. I have so much ambition and so little power to enact it at the moment.

I suppose that's the main reason to remain where I am. If I can tough out the lean times that are coming I'll probably have a better chance to influence the structure that comes after.