gemini://gem.lizsugar.me/2023/06/30/allies.gmi

I have been sitting on this for nearly two years and I'm getting tired of waffling over whether this is too mean or too _whatever_ to publish. I'm tired of playing to the feelings of cishet people when I am a daily witness to the ongoing genocide of my own people. So as yet another pride month ends, I'm finally putting this out there. Enjoy, or not. If you're cishet and this post upsets you, I don't want to hear it. Sit back and think about why you get upset when a transgender woman tells you you're not doing enough.

One of the most disingenuous things for cishet people to do is claim themselves as allies of LGBTQIA+ communities and believe that they speak the truth. Individuals, organizations, and corporations seem to think that "We support LGBTQIA+ people" is a magic incantation that means no further effort is required, meanwhile trans and gay rights are being taken away while trans people and especially black trans women are being murdered at alarming rates. It is frankly dangerous for these people to pretend they support us because in the end they actually perpetuate our struggles.

Allyship requires active and ongoing effort. It requires work. Allies do things. Allies strive to make things better for those they are allied with. Declaring support for the community but not actually doing anything is not allyship. During the 2020 general election I was a little bit desperate for allyship, so I included voting as the lowest level of actually doing something. Either voting for viable candidates who explicitly support us or voting for viable candidates who oppose those who hate us. The absolute bare minimum. I can't believe this is how desperate I was for support. And I cannot believe how many self-proclaimed allies refused to even meet this requirement.

> Aside: Do not crucify me about supporting Democrats in specific elections. **I do not support them.** They are largely _trash_ too and often don't have our interests at heart, but our system in this moment is definitely a lesser-of-two-evils system and we have to at least partially work within the system to affect change to the system. And while trying to change the system from both outside and in, we must spend time using the system to make things better for everyone struggling under the same system. We cannot abandon each other in pursuit of the perfect act.

There is just no possible way to be an ally and vote Republican. At this point, a vote for any Republican candidate is a vote against gay and trans rights (I'm not even going to touch their racism in this one, but *anyone* who votes for them is also racist, full stop). A vote for Republicans is a vote to harm people. These are the actions of bigoted people. After eight years of legislative attacks, with a drastic increase in the past two years, there is no possible way someone can be ignorant on what they are doing, which means that if you vote for them, you support their attacks on us.

But those who vote Democrat, those who say they support us, why do they say they support us while ignoring everything about our reality? To make themselves feel better. They're more worried about their conscience than they are about our lives. By saying they support us, they absolve themselves of any guilt they're feeling for harming us. And reader, understand fully that inaction is harm. I have to think on some level they know this, but it is easy and that is what they are looking for. It does not matter who the person is. It could be their child, their nibling, their friend. They don't care about the queerness of that person. They only care about making themselves feel better.

These people are not allies, they're just liars. These are the people who won't stand up for a trans person who gets misgendered, or won't defend a gay person that is the target of homophobia. They refuse to listen to us when we tell them how we're being harmed. They fight us when we try to have these discussions or set healthy boundaries. And they absolutely will not show up to counter protest literal nazis -- but you better believe they'll wring their hands and say "what is the world coming to" about actual nazis in our streets. They're performing for themselves and don't care about us. And I am indeed including those who voted against Republicans. Those who voted for Biden and think things will be better simply because we have a blue president. Your work ain't done mate. That was the bare minimum that I recognized _at that time_. But now you are the people saying you support us – look you voted for the Democrats! – but then refuse to stand up for us. You choose instead to talk down to us and tell us we must accept the hate people fling at us. You are not an ally.

This goes double for the cis gay white men who try to ingratiate themselves into the ranks of the oppressors. Whether you like it or not, our fight is your fight too, and you will be the next target once we're gone. The fascists will turn on you as soon as you are useless.

And in the two years it's taken me to publish this, it's become so clear that Biden was only giving us lip service. He has done nothing to protect queer people. He even prematurely ended the COVID-19 emergency declaration. I sit here, as queer trans woman who is disabled because of a COVID-19 infection, and I seriously wonder why we had it better under the genocidal fascist Donald Fucking Trump.

So yes, my definition of ally will change as situations call for it. Sometimes we are allies by necessity, by truce, but don't expect to be given a free pass after that. If you want to be an ally, you have to **do** allyship.

But going further, the easiest and most direct thing you can do is give money directly to trans people who need financial assistance. So many of us are struggling to pay our bills and afford our necessary medication. There are GoFundMes and Cashapp or Venmo handles all over trans social media. Tons of trans people are homeless and need money to secure housing and food. They are ignored or punished by the systems we live in and would benefit greatly by your contributions. And as republican states further criminalize our existence, there are many people seeking help to move to safer states and safer countries. Help them. Many of you cannot imagine how horrible of a situation it is to have to leave your home, your friends, and your family, just to protect yourself from the state.

You can give to trans groups and charities. You can donate to and canvass for politicians who explicitly run on a platform of trans rights and trans healthcare and have a history of actually fighting for us. And even better, vote for progressive transgender candidates! You can participate in protests against trans violence or for trans rights. You can show up to protect us when the nazis arrive at our community events. **Punch the nazis.**

You can educate your friends and family on transgender issues. You can actively fight against transphobia when you see it. You can put yourself in between a trans person and their attacker to protect them. You can provide shelter and food for trans people who were kicked out of their homes. Show us you care. Show us you support us. Show us that you have integrity and humanity.

You Are Not An Ally Just Because You Say You Are

So what can you do?