gemini://gem.acdw.net:1965/page/2020-08-04-10-years-an-online-pastor

> Another year, another cheer! That's right, it's now been 10 years since you became an ordained minister! We can't believe it either. Time really does fly when you are having fun, doesn't it? It's been a while since we've been in touch, and we just wanted to check in and see how things are going. Have you been taking full advantage of your status as a legally ordained minister?

I won't bore you with the rest of the email, which is the standard email marketing BS (buy a stole! it has tassels! etc). I mention it because I want to do a little retrospective of my experiences being an online-ordained minister.

The first wedding I ever did was actually for my cousin and, in what was a real twist for me, a woman who I'd gone to highschool with. It was a surprise since I'd known her for a little while in highschool, especially during one particular talent show, and hadn't really seen or thought of her again until I learned she was marrying my cousin, about four years later. It was interesting meeting her again and seeing how they were together -- the family was a fan, especially of her kid, and it was all copacetic. I met with them a few times to talk about what the ceremony would look like and what their vows would be ... looking back on it now, I actually don't remember anything about the ceremony other than it was at a hotel, there was one of those floral archway things, and my mom really cut a rug at the reception. I think everyone liked the ceremony but I guess they would anyway; they were all family. That was my first wedding I ever officiated.

I didn't do another wedding until much later, when I moved to Louisiana. It so happened that a friend of mine from college was also in BR, and back when we were in college she'd told me that I'd officiate her wedding. And so I did. She married this great guy and we were on a mountain and I was also basically a guest. I never asked for money but her dad gave me like $100 and said I was the "efficient officiant," and I had a great time dancing and what-not at the wedding. The morning afterward I and the newlyweds met up at a coffeeshop and signed the paperwork making it official, and I dropped that off at the county clerk's office and was on my way back home. I kept having dreams for a while afterward that I'd forgotten to do that part, but I definitely did it. I don't know why I had anxiety around that.

I've only officiated 2 weddings, actually. For being a pastor for ten years, that's not such a great showing. Of course, it's a side-gig, I don't advertise, and I don't ask for anything in return except maybe some dinner. I do really like officiating though -- I like talking to the betrothed about their visions for the service, what kinds of vows they want, the format, etc.; writing the thing and editing it; getting in front of everyone and speaking the words; and the front-row seat to the opening of a new chapter in two people's lives simply can't be beat.

Since then, I've gotten married myself, and it was eye-opening to see what a real professional does from the client side of the process. We did a sort of couple's counseling thing, for him to see how we worked together, which I think is a good idea for a full-time pastor -- while I can kind of do the wedding and go, as it were, he has a spiritual responsibility to his congregation to guide them through what could be a mistake. Since we're Unitarian Universalist, though, he mostly asked how we'd support each other in life and stuff like that. He also gave us his copy of the service, with notes, which I thought was a great touch. If I ever do another wedding, I want to do that.

I guess I'll end with this: if you're in the American South and looking to get married, I can offer my services for free plus the cost of getting to you and staying for the night. Just send me an email or contact me some other way -- my info is around geminispace and the web. 'acdw' is my handle most places nowadays. I'll marry anyone who's in love, really. That's the important thing to me, and why I got into this whole thing -- what started kind of as a joke has taught me a lot about how people can love each other and what love means. I'm glad I did.

2020-08-04-10-years-an-online-pastor

10 years an (online) pastor

Wedding I

Wedding II

That's it