Some Backstory and Observations about Living with Heart Disease

In November of 2021, I went to the emergency room after my girlfriend insisted on it. I had a pulse of 220 and a blood pressure of 55/37. For the medical nerds out there, my heart condition was ventricular tachycardia. I remember hospital staff telling me that I had been very close to death. Once they brought me back from death's door, they admitted me for a hospital stay that lasted a week.

To make a long story short, the doctors determined that the best course of action for me would be heart surgery: a single bypass. They did a bunch of tests, including an angiogram. I had a blocked artery. They couldn't fix it with a stent. I went to the emergency room on Sunday night, and they performed the surgery on the subsequent Thursday. Realize that I'm in my early forties. A bit young for heart surgery, but whatever.

The best part of this ordeal was that a very close friend flew in from another state to be with me. She sat at my bedside and held my hand for hours at a time. I appreciate it even more, because all of the other people who are close to me were sick with a virus that wasn't covid. Unfortunately she had to go home to take care of personal business on the day I had surgery, so I was alone for the second half of my hospital stay. I was in too much pain to care.

The surgery went about as well as could be expected. The doctors were satisfied enough with my recovery to send me home on the following Monday. Everyone was impressed with how quickly I was recovering. The rest of the backstory just involves stages of healing, and it's not all that interesting.

I now have a heart condition that will last for the rest of my life. I used to be someone who said "I don't take prescription drugs. I only use the fun kind." Now I'm on a few different meds. My heart function hasn't significantly improved since the operation, so I'm going to get a defibrillator sometime this summer.

The interesting part is my observation of my mental state. I am very emotionally fragile now. The smallest thing will set me off. I have more frequent meltdowns. I've never coped well with stress, but this is on a whole new level. On the other hand, I have somewhat less general anxiety than I used to. I spend less time worrying about things that are not under my control. I'm a lot more chill, like I was during my late teens. It's like, I've cheated death, what the fuck do I have to be afraid of?

I've also noticed that my short-term memory has gotten worse, and I have no explanation for that.

Health wise, I feel better in some ways than I did before the surgery. It is as though my body and mind had a sort of reboot.