2022-06-01

Re: Some Backstory and Observations about Living with Heart Disease

tags: life

Chris writes about his experience:

> I remember hospital staff telling me that I had been very close to death.

and

> The interesting part is my observation of my mental state. I am very emotionally fragile now. The smallest thing will set me off. I have more frequent meltdowns.

gemini://the-brannons.com/heart-trouble/

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I'm not surprised.

Takeing a glimpse over the irreversible frontier called end of life, peering through that door, that opens only once, shakes our ground. It tells us in no uncertain terms, that our days are counted. It questions the strong assumption that we will wake up tomorrow morning. Now, our scientific brain region will tell us, that we knew all along. Experience, however, is a different kind of thing.

I have seen this unfold at a neighbours place. He was a bit older than 50, too young for a heart attack. He went through a pronounced depression. Others were makeing snide remarks --- the are not qualified to speak, they lack the experience.

I myself have to accept that my health is degraded, and I have not reached 60 either. And of course it is unclear, how to proceed, how life will go on. I have reached the state, where regular visits to the doctor occur, where taking medication daily is the norm. This is my personal definition of getting old. I have lost a noticable fraction of my confidence in life. And that is a consequence of the direct experience of finiteness, imho.

What to do? Despair? Suicide? That's not the way to go, I think. I try to take one day at a time. If I can get up, fine. I might as well do something that day.

And should the youngsters still care to listen: Do not postpone important things for too long. I'm guilty of this, probably everyone is. But do at least a few such important things while you can. It will make you proud.

Cheers, and take care,

~ew

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