Things fall apart

Things are generally good, yet I have a negativity bias. There is some occupational hazard associated to that bias. What can go wrong? What are our risks? If the first path fails, what is the second path? What is the rollback strategy? What are probabilities to said failures and their sweep of effect? Who would be affected and how are we communicating that probability?

It is tiring. It also doesn't work well when applied to more intimate relationships. However, the infernal machinery performing that calculus is hard to suppress. It is always running. This week, at home, water entered the basement. The clothes dryer motor failed. A large software migration at work with many affected users. We are healthy and it is only stuff, yet I fixated on what went wrong in all realms.

As a result, this last weekend I nursed an aching back. I stepped on a nail in the course of enacting repairs and sought out a tetanus booster that same evening. I slept fitfully, waking up at least twenty times. I couldn't fix everything myself though, things are in disarray, and I found it difficult to ask for help. My mind foggy, I was unable to make headway on the smallest of efforts. I am weary.