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25apr24
My roommate's cat wont stop peeing in the tub. This is apparently a medical issue and I'm stressed about it :(
23apr24
When I start listening to one song on repeat, I know it as a sign of my mental state going in decline.
20apr24
Want to see interpol live. But they arent coming to new york so would have to travel
16apr24
In Ohio
9apr24
You were wrong about the cat paws what else were you wrong about
5apr24
I think I just have to accept that I cant stop crying and stop trying to put on a brave face.
4apr24
🎵
All the things i knew I didnt know
And didnt want to know
That you told me
Just to tell me later that you'd told me so
Come flooding back to me now
🎵
Getting a little bummed out because cats cannot be around tulips and a lot of beautiful flowers 😢 and I live with a beautiful cat whom I love. But cats can be around Gerber daisies and snapdragons. There is hope ! And cut flower beauty possibilities !
1apr24
I miss my grandma
28mar24
Trying to tell the voice in my head I am not a fuck up
26mar24
sometimes I feel I trust the wrong people. It feels bad. But I have so much evidence that my judgement isnt maybe so poor. I need and want to trust myself. Why cant I trust myself?
21mar24
Been feeling very bad lately but feeling a bit better today. Took a day off work, which helped.
7mar24
I dont often post on here when I'm feeling better but I'm feeling better. Like a gopher poking his head out of a hole, I see some light.
5mar24
I think I understand the girl from my year of rest and relaxation. I'm not usually jolted awake by my anxiety and feel generally good or fine when I wake up. But then it sets in that being awake is a nightmare.
1mar24
After crying all week, I have given myself a stomachache.
27feb24
Doing bad. Brain not functioning. Chaos
26feb24
Repeated accidents this weekend. And then jammed a cabinet door on my thumb. End of February is going smoothly.
13feb24
My sleep book said lying in bed releases pressure from ur sleep balloon, so you cannot lie in bed if ur not trying to sleep. But! I dont like this rule
11feb24
Reading the artists way. Healing my inner child. Ty Ashley for the push !
30jan24
Listening to Frank ocean. Going thru it.
Feeling chaotic and untethered today. Checking where the moon is so I can blame it maybe
28jan24
To be creative is to be disciplined
27jan24
A gen z called me mother tonight. Lmao.
And said I'm commanding.
22jan24
2024 was going to be my year of mindfulness. But my landlord is trying to raise rent and my union at work is being frustratingly dumb. Headed on a warpath, my emotions are flying high.
It was a good run for my sleep there. Up at 4am, yet again, unable to sleep.
21jan24
Eating chocolate cake I made the other day. It feels good to eat after this cold, sunny day.
19jan24
Sadly my brain has a tendency to fixate and it's been difficult to move past the fixations. Maybe this is a sign I should read my mindfulness book a little more seriously.
Nurturing lil crushes. As a treat.
I think I'm addicted to my phone lately. I still get work done but I check my phone way too often. How do I cut or reduce this impulse??
18jan24
Need to buy a new journal soon. Burning thru mine quickly so far but will still be okay with my current one for a while. I think I'm going to try to do a new journal practice where I reflect about a whole month at the end, so I can take better stock.
It is so cold in nyc it feels good to stay home.
17jan24
Lol my behavior tonight, I barely recognize myself. Or maybe the scary part is I do recognize it. I think I know why I had this outburst but it is still not okay. And part of this is I am wondering if I am connecting it too much to my ex's behavior and trying to relate to his feelings.
This was very funny:
=>https://nitter.net/sheridanroads/status/1744447734378029250#m
16jan24
Been in immense physical pain and discomfort today. Not entirely sure of the cause but feeling sad/leaning into the sad as a result of the pain. January is the 13th month of the year
14jan24
Lol always feeling vulnerable Sunday night and may want to do something dumb.
11jan24
Listening - didnt it rain, songs: ohia
🎵 If I see you struggle, I will not turn my back 🎵
10jan24
Guy at cava charged me way less for the bowl I got. That was nice. Thanks Dave
9jan24
Was browsing journals online and reading reddit posts about journaling lol. Reflecting on 2023, and I really lived 2023 to the max and it made me laugh. Very tired on this 2024 day.
7jan24
Trying to not self sabotage.
31dec23
I think I have been struggling with what's real or not and also the idea that the time we spent together will just disappear into the ether. There is no evidence to prove hey it was like this! Except memories that will just grow hazy over time.
30dec23
Sometimes I feel like I'm really dense. Like I do not get it and I think trying to get it breaks my brain.
28dec23
I really hate the month of December. I wished for it to cease to exist. I wish for impossible things. And I'm okay with that. It's the irrational that meets the rational because that's part of how I deal with how hard this month is. It will be over soon.
Bluet, was reading your December log and my ex also seemed to date a lot of Asian women. Just felt compelled to write this bc ur log made me feel less alone. It's bad out here
Hi guys I am back. I'm glad I had dated my previous entries. They were a trip to skim. Also good log of how long I've been struggling with my sleep. Broke up with my boyfriend recently. It's a bad time. Alex and I hung out yesterday he is a good friend. Flounder is cool guys.
20apr23
5 hr increments are better than 3 I guess.
Dreamt about the chocolate birthday cupcake at Georgetown cupcakes
My throat is hoarse and I have a headache. Took a rapid this morning and it was negative.
Watching blink 182 at Coachella videos. I love them so much lol they really got me thru a lot. I also listen to them whenever I go to the dentist, which helps make the visit bearable.
19apr23
The increments have increased to about 5 hrs
Thinking I should try to log the things I do on a given day to help myself understand why my brain feels split in 34 places.
-finished drafting poster
-sent poster for printing and reviewed proofs
-working on blog post draft and responding to comments
-digest news from scotus
-read a lot of emails
-need to respond to many emails
I also forgot to put on deodorant today and I think I smell. Ugh also need a new professional headshot, I keep defaulting to one I took in 2018 lol
Went back to channel orange recently. Good mood listening to this album
18apr23
Want to be brave, not trying very hard.
17apr23
If I believed more heavily in astrology I would have to be like my saturn has returned.
16apr23
Thank you mellita! I've had some better sleep days. I hope your sleep improves soon too!
Some ppl irk me so bad ugh. Cannot wait until interaction with them ends.
Eating a cannoli from little Italy in bed. Mamma mia! Await the impact on my sleep
14apr23
3 hr increments, clockwork
I changed my bedtime routines too, sigh.
Drinking copious amounts of caffeine today. Should be great for my sleep. Watch this space for more great content on my sleep.
13apr23
Guess who's awake
Sleeping in 3 hr increments
Signed our lease this morning!! Eating an almond croissant and drinking an iced coffee.
12apr23
Bad sleep and bad dreams have returned.
Bugleague your inflammatory statements is such a funny name for a file. I do need to trim my bangs right now.
Ppl are fighting about stats during this q&a😂
My new apt is v close to a thrift store. When we went to look at the apt last, we went to the thrift store after and I got 2 all cotton blouses for $6 total. I think my wardrobe and clothes budget is just gna keep growing 🙈
11apr23
Approved for the apt we wanted !!
Unconventional karaoke song: friend of mine - the national
10apr23
Been sleeping slightly better but still not great. I tried to watch beef but it was so chaotic and teeming with rage. Hard for me to watch much of it because I kept imagining scenarios if I would react like that and it was stressful. Turned it off pretty quickly.
9apr23
Mostly slept last night😭
The Sunday scaries have returned.
8apr23
Not sleeping, clockwork
Have hope I can sleep tonight.
7apr23
Not sleeping
5apr23
Confirmed, sleeping very poorly.
Walked 5 miles yesterday. Begging my body to sleep🙏
Musicians of flounder. What does it mean if my drum teacher gave me his number, unprompted, after I stopped taking lessons w him.
3apr23
One of my friends described me as aloof, as a reason cats gravitate towards me. Lol I guess I can be aloof
Alex idk why but this Bernie fact is so funny to me
27mar23
Looking for life-affirming institutions within my life (as ruth Wilson Gilmore coined).
Cannot stop listening to "looking for astronauts" the drumming on it is so good
20mar23
Stepped in (a little) dog shit on my way to the office today and then stepped in wet cement inside my office (construction)
update: i don't think i can see the cure :/ please robert smith tour again soon !!!
10mar23
Recently been having good sessions in therapy. Related and separate from this, feeling very grateful for the love and support I find myself surrounded by. Did not think I would be in this position and feel lucky and hopeful about life.
Ugh want to go see the cure this summer but cannot buy tickets yet bc my summer plans are still up in the air !! Writing this here as a self reminder
8mar23
TY for sharing brolin! didnt think it was going to be a place that specialized in flash lol they do indeed look like they cost $50 heh
2mar23
Want new tattoo soon!! So it can heal before summer!! I take tattoo care seriously !!
Brolin where were the flash tats for 50??
1mar23
😧
Zoe pls send picture of that cake ok ty
19feb23
Would love to be emotionally regulated
In a bad mood, making dumb choices
13feb23
Theres so much pain everywhere!!!
Organizing friend showed me her first and very new back tattoo that was very beautiful. The itch for a new tattoo is flaring up again.
Realizing how deranged it is for someone to say their brother should join the military for discipline or could use the discipline after learning I have family who joined. The main thing they said is because their brother lives with their parents... from someone who thinks of themselves as a leftist...
10feb23
8feb23
On nicknames
At the office drinking coffee and feeling moderately better.
Brolin true. General strike when??
6feb23
=>https://twitter.com/AlfredoFilmGeek/status/1508626146920787971
Feeling very burnt out.
5feb23
3feb23
Lmao for the longest time I thought yimby stood for "you're in my backyard"
Bad sleep night. Very unlike me. Tempted to take nyquil. 4am is a cursed time
31jan23
Feeling a bit overwhelmed w obligation, and I think that is causing me to interpret things I do and things others do w a prickly lens🌵🕸🦂
Xoxo can confirm shaolin soccer was iconic as a kid
27jan23
Want 2 quit my job and do what shes doing re: textiles:
Another organizer asked me to be on the conflict resolution committee. A bit nervous about it but we do need one.
24jan23
I think it's funny that signal tells you when someone in your contacts list joins signal
23jan23
Went to renew my library card today. A bit dumb bk cards expire every 3 years. Motivated to get it renewed so I can borrow city of quartz. Been thinking of Los Angeles a lot lately. (Monterey bay news).
My friend gave me a very good and in depth tour of most of the neighborhoods across east and west la. It's fascinating, and I feel like I have a decent sense of each neighborhood just based on our conversations and those with their friends.
Xoxo you shouldve hit him w the bag! Tipping 15%...travesty
Congrats Brolin!
Tonight was a good night. Made me glad to be in nyc. Also the news from the general strike in France is :~)
Ah brolin, you are getting at what I've heard others say, its relative! I was talking to kayla about this and she was making concrete definitions/ranges for tall/short.
Dear ppl of flounder: for those of you taller than 5'7", do you think 5'7" is short or tall or neither?.
Or tell us your height and then tell us your assessment of 5'7"
Been feeling dead inside sry
Very much not productive to think about the person I could've been if I did not experience xyz. I think I wouldve cultivated my artistic side more and not killed it and x in order to x. Truly astonishing how much it feels I missed when I feel like I am x for real.
I'm annoyed I cannot taste anything
Can no longer taste anything
Have a splitting headache and a slight fever. Rapid was negative, dont know what this is
Eating mochi I bought at fugetsu-do. I have some sort of bug and need to get covid tested, sigh
It is a lot easier to have no money in nyc than in la. La was really fun but exhausting. I dont think i could ever live in la though maybe going in January in the middle of weird rain storms is not ideal.
Brolin the metro is kind of a mess here and smells like human waste. The buses are much better
My friend has diagnosed me w the Sunday scaries and I am gna go run around tomorrow morning to feel moderately better.
Every bathroom I've been to here has been super clean and well maintained. The bus is p good but the metro is awful. It smells v bad and cannot compare to nyc subway
Went to Soho house today and it was v weird. Learned a lot of local gossip about these semi famous local la people. The food is v good
Well done xoxo!
Drinking a lot of gin
La is basically just one big suburb stitched together with 3 million highways. You really cannot live here unless you actively like driving. How does lax not even have an intra-terminal team? But the view off the pacific coast highway is incredible and I am starting fights with my food opinions, so a nice visit so far
On the west coast
Theres someone with my same first name who needs to report to the gate next to me going to Bogota. Hope they make their flight
Did my interview with my union. It went ok. Some answers were definitely meh.
I went for a run and feel slightly better. Also I think the house should do a burn vote like when britni voted for Leroy and veronica seized the opportunity and got him thrown in. All I'm saying is the speaker doesnt need to be a member of the house so let's sow chaos with some game theory
Wow I love my brain. Just straight anguish on the brain channel today!!!
Welcome back brolin
0-0 glad your therapist could see you tonight, sending <3
kayla, i thought it would be fun to share. I may post a few days in advance for when i am away from the calendar -- the next fact isn't until the 8th tho
Happy new year! We drank red wine and lemon vodka gimlet (I made it at home) while watching fireworks at grand army plaza
Really trying to not be paranoid but as I was walking home this guy said something like good night and i responded bc i didnt think it was anything but then he appears behind me in my building lobby and is like we're neighbors. He asks if I got the front door (it's the kind where the front door isn't locked bc theres a lobby and another door to inside) and he had his keys out and I said I got it. Theres like two sides to the building and turns out hes on my side. I opted to take the stairs instead of the elevator and so does he and hes behind me and stops at my floor. He goes to the opposite side and goes to unlock the apt on that side but I'm actually not sure if he goes in bc I heard from rustling to go down the stairs. It's truly paranoid to think this person just followed me in to then just leave but it's late and I drank a lil so i guess I'm not too clear headed.
Ny is very weird. My friends old roommate, a fellow sag, made their Broadway debut this season and brought hailey bieber lip balm for our white elephant
My circle fear is rearing its ugly head again
Why the fuck are there cops at every station today? Who the fuck cares if ppl dont pay the fare when the overtime for these cops far exceed any fare skippers. Fuck eric Adams, the cop mayor
Em but there have been v good seasons in the last 10 mixed bag ones. Basically any seasons with ct and wes
We have a google doc for this potluck and my entry was deleted and I was annoyed when I saw that. I'm hoping it was an accident but it's annoying me. I cant see the edit history of the doc either
I need a leftist analysis on "hooliganism"
Bon courage kayla!
Pic of vest, alex?
I have a diff teacher tom night and a lil bummed about it. Lol.
But got sunshine yellow Gerber daisys today which are nice to look at <3
Congrats xoxo!! Exciting news
Ty kayla for the rec <3
I love carnations because as some flowers are literally wilting and dying, other attached stems are blooming
Me switching back to tea* Nature is healing
Do ppl have suggestions for cool things to do in la
I absentmindedly drank 4 cups of coffee at the diner where we watched the world cup. The waiters kept refilling my cup so I'm actually not sure if 4 is an underestimate...oops I gave up on my week of tea
I think watching the world cup w no strong allegiance for either team is so fun lol
Also I think the public speaking went ok. Ppl came up to me to say good speech or w.e. but feeling self conscious and reading into it to mean it was like good content wise but my delivery was nothing to remark on lol
0-0 booooo, your therapist
Oops I wasnt nervous now I over thought it
Have to do some public speaking tomorrow. Will allow myself coffee beforehand
Me texting someone that my brain is broken (side note: I think its bc I only let myself drink tea this week no coffee)
Response:"Lmao it's bc of your plan to quit caffeine"
Lmao I mentioned that plan last week so I guess the corollary is clear 2 everyone
Accidentally dragged my therapist by asking "do you know spotify" and immediately laffed
Starting to dislike the song seven nation army 😬
There was a holiday lunch at work today and im legit still full. Really went all out...they had lamb shanks for us (really. They were v good)
Alex how can you tell it's in Vermont??
0-0 * tips hat *
0-0: 6 oz, easy
Alex, agree they r an inspiration in this way
0-0 eating funyuns is iconic behavior
=>https://mobile.twitter.com/illwilleditions/status/1601937473499799552
Why is signal adding a stories function?? Are the ppl at signal ok??
Alex em I started watching Wednesday and it is good.
Had a dream about terminator 2 last night. Damn James Cameron!!
Ah yes getting home at 930 on a friday night and then having to pore over niosh reports to update an article. this is part of the very unglamorous part of organizing (none of it is glamorous in my exp)...
Someone suggested I make a birthday video to my 2023 self. They did it in 2021 for their 2022 self. I dont think I have the self reflection energy at this point but do think it's a good idea.
Friend I see every so often told me they thought I was an only child because I never mention my siblings. That's about right.
0-0 ~~sending good vibes ~☆☆
Alex pls resist
Dont cross the New York times picket line tomorrow!! No nyt links!!!!
This is cursed: coworker told me her husband gives her a hard time about how much toothpaste she uses because of the increased plastic use if you use up tubes faster. Meanwhile he is an economist at the world bank 🤡
I lost my cerave healing ointment. What will heal me now
Good q invoking avoiding Mccarthyism
More this
=>https://mobile.twitter.com/colfaxmachine/status/1598336414747627521
These are our streets!!!
There are so many reasons to hate Moynihan train hall. First, there are no fucking seats for people waiting for their train. Second, its named after the reprehensible patrick Moynihan
My spotify wrapped☠☠☠
Kayla I told u I wanted to read it but confirming on flounder pls send to me after dec 7 lol
The rain and wind is intense in NY today and my roommates ceramic elephant fell off the window and broke a piece off. Is this my fault I didnt move it off the window?? She left it in my room
Mellita, 0-0 big oops and L for me!! Confirming the ignorant American stereotype for all on flounder to see.
=>https://mobile.twitter.com/BornAKang/status/1597421745983885313
One of the earlier replies on this thread is someone from my hs. I am not logged in. Twitter is wild
Swear to God the main skill of lawyers is running the clock and wasting time lmao in our bargaining session at work.
Oof mellita, you're right, I def meant the uk lol
=>https://twitter.com/bklynb4by/status/1596902763987771392
The person wrote the artist's way was also married to martin Scorsese at one point lmao
Eolas, I would use forums if it was the same login as reg flounder. Have a hard enough time keeping up with accounts I already have. I asked alex if that could happen but would take some work, sadly
The true contribution from british ppl is the unironic use of lads
=>https://mobile.twitter.com/Johntheduncan/status/1595233362284789760
Fell asleep during zoom class today. Would wake up and be worried I accidentally left the camera on. Now I cannot fall asleep bc of my nap. Clown shit!
Forgot about covid and superspreading for .3 seconds and now a lil worried about a conference I'm going to in a couple of weeks. Havent gotten the second booster yet rip
Sadly I think I'm allergic to something in my apartment and I dont want to figure out what that is bc that means a drs appt
=>https://mobile.twitter.com/CharlieSosnick/status/1593458856012677123
A little worried that the cymbals on the drum set are triggering my vertigo and tinnitus. Can my body pick a struggle
My journal is extremely chaotic and disorganized and i do not want to expend any energy to make it more organized. I started my drum lessons tonight and it was pretty fun. I have to get used to the feeling of actually being not good at something and putting in the work to be better. Probably a lesson about life in there but i'm ignoring that for now.
Also whenever I think about the shit that has transpired at work or when someone who has left discloses to me shit they experienced there I'm just like hm why am I here lol goddamn
I hate r lol. I dont want to do this work which makes troubleshooting code that much more difficult to do.
my body needs to pick a struggle!!! had to go to an emergent eye dr appt today
Very good at creating stories so I need to work on not doing that when I dont know something for sure. Also I'm going to work on "reorienting" so I dont look at things from a dark place. Lastly, wish there was a therapy equivalent to the bullshit 10,000 hours thing that malcolm gladwell popularized. Wish there was one clear mark to reach for wellness! Too tired to do the work man but I gotta
=>https://twitter.com/juliaannecudney/status/1592042027134627840
Ran today and wanted to post a picture of the amazing view from this park but it's too big and I'm too lazy to dither the image. Ordered Palestinian food for dinner
i think i have to retire my fav glasses. they r giving me a headache because the lenses are scratched
NYC FOLKS
Come out to APPLE STORE 5th AVE at 2pm 11/6 to #SupportFoxconnWorkers. A comrade organized this action (one of her first, come support)!!
Watched stray dogs at moma with C, L, and K today. Was going to make it a double feature but was too tired so C and I dipped and L had to go too.
New York! The city that never sleeps. I'm new york
Made a tomato anchovy sauce tonight. It was very salty and umami. Still thinking about the leftovers. I think I need a food file
Trying a Mexican place about 12 min walk from me. Really made myself work for it
Been listening to this one song for over two hours it has a chokehold on me. Heard it for the first time tonight.
This is the type of unhinged chaotic behavior I look for on twitter
=>https://mobile.twitter.com/AlexiconTom
Also polar is the best seltzer brand
My almost 10 year old laptop is freaking out. When the caps lock light is on, it means caps lock is off now...
What's been bad for my anxiety is when I keep it at bay and then the thing I was anxious about actually happens lol. Trying to create sustainable hope in myself and unknot the feeling in my heart, slowly
Also, a lil sad that I ruined masterchef for myself by taking a peek behind the curtain. Weeks ago I read an article on how they source and treat contestants and that at least 2 seasons the winners were basically pre selected. Be careful of looking behind the curtain. I'll see if I can get over it if I skip to some notoriously good seasons
Had a v good organzing mtg tonight and i feel much better than I did. Wow. To be in community w ppl working on something together...underrated
Sorry to hear that Warren. These school systems are sometimes so very cruel
Sending u <3 kayla. I've been to counseling provided by a school before and it wasnt only about academics, so maybe couldnt hurt to go to one session (esp if free)
Reading the tributes to mike Davis this morning feels fortifying. After months of revisions (back and forth w journal reviewers and editors), my comrades and I received a final decision from a fancy journal that they will not publish our op ed. Would normally feel pretty disappointing but feel ok today. Their decision was politically motivated I think, which is a shame they have little to no backbone.
Sg, sending u strength <3 rejection is very hard
It's funny how i sometimes feel very alone but also am very uncomfortable whenever someone expresses sympathy for me and my problems.
"We know that, just by existing, historically subordinated populations are deemed inconvenient to the privileged who made them so." - lauren berlant
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