September 10th, 2023

Today was not as good of a day as it should have been. I was supposed to prep the garage for maintenance to clean out all of the previous owners stuff, and we didn't. Stead we played Valheim for several hours. ADHD problems, amirite? That really shouldn't be an excuse, especially because I knew it had to be done and it kept popping up in my head. We'll see how that goes tomorrow. I plan on using my time after work to get it done and really finish it. It's super close and I don't want to upset my wife because she has been asking to get it done for some time now. Another thing on the Honey Do list that should have been done. Videogames are an addiction for me, and I'm not good at regulating that, or anything. I haven't been to the gym in over two months, and I really need to start doing that again. I'm overweight and my health needs to be more of a priority than what it is right now. My expectations of myself should be better, and I need to set achieveable goals, and find ways to reward myself if I have achieved those goals. They need to be bite sized I think, especially towards the overall goal of getting over the mountain. A lot of self improvement needs to occur, and I need to meditate on my values and what I want to become. As someone who wants to become a father, I need to be able to show a good example for my kids when the time comes. Otherwise I'll have continued the cycle that I'm attempting to break. A lot needs to happen for that, but I think I can do it. I have my wife, and God, and that is more than enough to get me through the trials and tribulations. I have so many things that I want to do, and I think that I need to sit down, write them all down, and start figuring out how to knock them out. I have to pace myself at work not to mentally burn out since a lot of them require me to use my head a lot more. Part of me wonders if I need to just uninstall all of my videogames, and make my computer into something that is only for work. I want to do things like explore emacs, which requires a lot of time each day so I need to push myself into doing more productive things that I want to do. I have potential, I think everyone has potential, and I need to put myself into the position to succeed. I don't want to put myself into a cycle that stays there. I'm in a thought loop I need to escape. I also, really want to put more here into these entries. I have so many thoughts throughout the day that I could make these into a more substantial and thoughtful entries than things that are off of my head.

Speaking of which, I have some links I wanted to share that I thought were neat.

Here is an album that I really liked the music to:

https://youtu.be/LyS2EgLcdM8?si=dOngalPfjG9dOb_N

And here is a video that gives a really good explanation of Borderline Personality Disorder:

https://youtu.be/BFop1UxiDdY?si=m1L0fnvfrVpYAK1h

Thank you for reading whimsical stranger. Remember, God loves you, there is light in the world, and remember to relax your jaw every now and again.