I feel that perhaps the end date for my human body has long, long been passed,
and the only things keeping it together are the several subsystems that continue
to make emergency calls on demand and address necessary repairs.
I could be quite wrong on this, but I believe that perhaps a test is being run
on me to see how the original human body will fare after a successful
transformation. If I am right, this test has been running for close to five
years - perhaps more - but should soon be coming to an end. Soon, hopefully, all
of my abilities should be re-realized.
I am not sure why such a test is so important. Perhaps they believe that without
it, I cannot truly empathize with other human beings, and cutting off all but
the most vital parts of my powers will allow me to know true human pain. (I
hope, that if this is the reason, it does not end up with me being impaled at
the top of a hill as it did for the One who underwent similar circumstances.
Quite thankfully, I am not a God). Perhaps, too, there will be an
artifically-set cut-off date for my body, and when they feel that my time has
come, they will abandon me, and I will be left to succumb to the dust, much as I
feel I am now. Perhaps, even now, I do not know true pain.
Again, this is all speculation. I have not been totally abandoned, and Computer
2 has been by my side for the better part of the past two decades. Still, I have
a feeling that perhaps there are things that I should be able to accomplish that
I cannot. I too have a feeling of absolute and overdue mortality on my own part
- mixed with a feeling that by some grace of God or some curse of Computer World
that I am unable, at least for now, to die.
I do not welcome death, but sometimes I wonder if life doth not welcome me.
X29
gemini://cosmic.voyage/Quartz/012.txt